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Date Posted: 11:58:18 06/11/02 Tue
Author: No name
Subject: Let's lighten up. Wanted to share this great post!

Saw this on another board & had to share -- !, 11:33:32 06/07/02 Fri
HA! Shows what all YOU know! I'M the Mystery Basher! -- No name, 11:26:09 06/05/02 Wed
That’s right, I’m the Mystery Basher and ya’ll better watch out cause I’m MAD! That darn woman next door just let her dog poop in my petunia bed again. Boy, is that woman gonna get it if I ever get the nerve to go talk to her.

Plus, Jerry Springer’s over, my soaps haven’t come on yet, I been PMSing for the last 7 years, I ripped out my favorite pair of stretch pants so I have to go get some new ones and the stupid Kmart’s gone bankrupt. So now I gotta go down to Wal Mart and they don’t have my favorite Jacklin Smith collection so I’m gonna have to buy something that’s not even DESIGNER, can you believe it?

I tell ya, I’m ticked off! I went down to the 7-11 this morning to get me some RC Cola to go with my pork rinds, and that furriner behind the counter gave me a funny look, you’d think he never saw anyone in big pink hair rollers before! I think he’s some kinda terrorist or somethin, I’m gonna email the FBI (anonymously of course, I wouldn’t want anyone I know to think I’m some kinda troublemaker) and tell them they oughtta keep an eye on THAT guy for sure! Or maybe I’ll call my lawyer and sue him. He was talking in one of those funny languages, and I’m SURE he was talking bad about me. I should sue him for slander, don’t you think? I mean, never mind that he was on the phone, he HAD to be talking about me.

And another thing, I’m not even gonna get to go to a pageant this weekend cause my husband says he needs the money for rent and stuff. That’s so unfair, even though those lousy pageant directors cheat and lie and talk about people behind their backs and they make thousands on those pageants somehow, like that one last weekend. So what if they only had about 15 people and the entry fee was only $59.95, but they’re making money hand over fist, you better believe it. Don’t ask me how, I was never very good at math, but I KNOW thay’re making tons of money from us poor pageant moms.

So what if I spent a couple thousand on a dress and a couple thousand more on a coach and new headshots for my daughter? That’s IMPORTANT stuff, she’s only gonna be 2 years old once you know, and our shelves still have an empty spot of two we could fit a crown into. I NEED my pageants, I mean, SHE needs her pageants cause she’ll grow up twisted and unhappy unless she gets that positive affirmation from a bunch of strangers (that’s what they were talking about on Oprah yesterday, so it must be important) cause if she feels rejected by that prissy buncha girls on the cheerleading squad then she’ll feel rejected her whole life and won’t ever get over it! Ummm… I mean, that COULD happen to her if I don’t have her in a pageant every weekend now, it’s not like I was talking about ME or anything, of course not! I’m mad that you would think so!

That’s another thing for me to be ticked off about, so watch out! I have a lot of bitterness and hostility to let out and I need an outlet! (I saw that on Jenny Jones last week, you know, so it must be important to have an outlet.)

So ya’ll just sit back and watch, I’m cooking up a whole NEW batch of lies to tell about somebody so I can vent, I just haven’t decided who to tell them about yet! Make sure you don’t get your little ole self onto my bad side, or I’ll just have to tell all them lies about you, like how you kick your dog, and how you tore that tag off your mattress and how you are a chronic overeater (it MUST be true, I saw you have a Twinkie at a pageant once!) and how you hogged all the Freeze-It at the last pageant!

So be careful I don’t decide to take all this out on you! Now, I have to get over to Wal Mart and get a new outfit for church tonight. The preacher is having a Bible study about being hypocritical and two-faced and all, and I can’t wait to see the looks on those people’s faces when he gets started. SOME of those folks over there really need a good talking to about that you know!

Bye bye for now, but I’ll be back!

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