| Subject: A Woman's Guide to Men's Gifts |
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GG
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Date Posted: 15:21:47 12/22/02 Sun
Author Host/IP: 216.94.235.110
A Woman's Guide to Men's Gifts
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No
one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George,
can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. "By-the-way, are you through with my
3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A
99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang
from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows
why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have
invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have
wornout. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with
the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and
flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in
cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cord less drills. Within a
couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks.
Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one
knows why.
Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left
over. No one knows why.
Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA
Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA
Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a
'68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants
a hamburger?"
Rule #12:
Tickets to a Maple Leaf/Blue Jay game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #13:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If
you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he
gets a label maker.
Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an
extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at
least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
Manila rope. No one knows why.
Merry Christmas....*G*
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