| Subject: How to Identify a True Southerner |
Author:
Ranger
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Date Posted: 14:56:50 01/04/03 Sat
Author Host/IP: 64.157.37.162
HOW TO IDENTIFY A TRUE SOUTHERNER
There are only a select few of us who understand how really true all
of the items below are!
1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit
and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH"
them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,
turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess".
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder".
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as
in: "Going to town, be back directly."
5. Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a
request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
little bowl on the middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might
not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture
of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried
chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's
trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana
puddin'!) HOW TRUE
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know
that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference
between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a
verb, or an adverb.
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a
resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or
something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We
don't do "queues", we do "lines"; and when we're "in line", we talk
to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover
they're related, even if only by marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and
coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast
food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' . ,"
you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk" Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at
little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just
say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
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