Canada goes to war.. -- Sweet Talk

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Subject: Canada goes to war..

Author:
GG

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Date Posted: 06:53:11 01/30/03 Thu
Author Host/IP: 216.94.235.12

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Gidday, Mr. Hussein!� a heavily accented voice said. "This is Doug over at Finnigan's Roadhouse in Renfrew County, Ontario, Canada, eh. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Doug," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Doug, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Clayton, and the entire Tuesday night hockey team. That makes thirteen!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Doug, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Take off, eh!", said Doug. "I'll have to call you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Doug called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Doug?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have a canoe, two combines, a bulldozer, Murphy's farm tractor, and a Zamboni."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Doug, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Doug. "I'll have to get back to you, eh."

Sure enough, Doug called again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Cobus's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Doug, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military, complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"You hoser!", said Doug, "I'll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Doug called again the next day. "Gidday, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Doug, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints eh, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

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