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Date Posted: 17:09:53 05/03/02 Fri
Author: Repost Fairy
Author Host/IP: 64.193.19.25
Subject: Chpater 21 - Part 1
In reply to: KGilbert 's message, "Dreams in the Dark - Chapter 20 and forthcoming" on 17:00:21 05/03/02 Fri

Dreams in the Dark (21/?)
by Katherine Gilbert


By whatever measure you cared to use, it had been a *very* long day. From her curiosity-piquing talk with her roommate, to the announcement that she would be starring in another film with Michael, to being asked out by one of her bosses, to that--she swallowed heavily at the memory alone--amazing kiss, everything had been mind-blowing. She blinked, nearly overcome once more. If only she had any idea at all of where to begin to understand.

The day just seemed to keep going, too--wasn't letting up. Nikita was sitting alone in her dressing room, an hour or so before her unrefusable date would arrive--although she had no clear concept of the time; it was all very hard to take in. Everything today had confused her, had left her reeling, utterly unsure--and with very few comfortable handholds left; there was just no place to look to for sanity. She shook her head, letting out a long, tired sigh--the truth far too evident. It definitely hadn't been the day she had anticipated at all.

There was another deep breath, as she tried to keep herself together, with little success; it was so hard to know where to look for solace. She tried to analyze. It wasn't, she supposed, so much that most of the day's events had been unpleasant--just highly unsettling. True, it hurt to see Julie's current state--but she had never known the woman when she had been in any other. It was frightening, too, to find that she had been chosen for a role in a comedy--for a role she couldn't imagine fulfilling--but it was comforting to know that she wasn't being let go just yet--and Michael had even offered to assist her here. These truths settled in her, as she sighed. Whatever her shock, then, she supposed it wasn't really that bad. There were some reasons to be grateful, after all.

This thought made her smile for a moment, quieted her somewhat--until she remembered how she had apparently gotten this new role--remembered that she had been chosen for it by a man who had then asked her out in return; her heart nearly moaned. Lord. No--that could definitely not be called comforting at all.

She shuddered a moment later, her thoughts growing much darker. Whatever Michael's assurances to the contrary, it was a little hard to forget her roommate's earlier warnings about showing "gratitude" for gaining such a part; the shudder ran deeper--her terror growing with the memory. Dear God. It didn't help settle her any; she tried not to moan. If only she had any way of ensuring her sanity tonight.

It took her a second, but she pulled herself away from these terrifying thoughts--more easily distracted than she thought possible by even more recent events. She sighed. Of course, the day would have been overwhelming enough as it was, but Michael's soul-burning kiss had, possibly permanently, done in her sense of reason; she shook her head, still reeling. She had no idea at all of how she was supposed to go casually on after that.

These thoughts were plaguing her thoroughly now--providing no place to run; she hadn't been able to focus clearly for sometime. She was sitting back, instead--rather uncertain how she had even arrived here--was unconsciously running her finger over her lips, still feeling his many aftereffects; her shudder this time was warmer, her heart moaning. Oh Lord, it was hard to take in. She nearly groaned, not understanding. How on earth did people just keep going on after something as soul-moving as that?

She was staring, wide-eyed, into the corner, still stunned--had no answer for this at all; she blinked, pulling herself back. It wasn't so much the simple, physical action of the kiss which was confounding her, either--though she was definitely still reeling from that particular revelation--but its various, mind-spinning implications. It was enough that he had kissed her in a way she had never known possible before--in a way she had seen and feared in her mother's house--was enough that he had changed all the feelings of loathing and disgust just watching such actions had given her before. Now, somehow, that same sort of kiss seemed not tawdry and violent--a sort of symbolic, penetrating violation--but a sweet, soul-stirring gift; she shuddered warmly, her whole body reliving it. Through some miracle, she no longer feared it but instead craved more, wanted to be lost in such wonder for hours, for days--wanted to know everything that would follow it. She smiled ironically. But she also wasn't certain if she would survive even a moment more of such pleasure. She sighed. Maybe some joy was just too great for anything so frail as human form to take.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head a little, trying to keep herself from being too terribly lost in these thoughts--but it wasn't easy, hadn't been for hours. Just the memory of that moment was enough to make her feel branded, permanently possessed--made the desire which had long been growing for this man flame into something far too overwhelming to withstand. She was half-certain that she could never kiss, could never be touched by another man--that they would be singed into cinders if they even tried, Michael's legacy far too intense; she swallowed heavily, nearly moaning. And, however overpowering or terrifying, she wasn't certain that she minded this new sensation at all.

There was a slight smile, as she pondered this--but it faded quickly, still far too overwhelmed by the day, by just this one scene. The physical sensations of her co-star's action had been confusing enough--their palpable aftereffects still rocking her--but they weren't all of the shock she was now facing. More than that, she was still just reeling with the idea that he would kiss her so publicly, that he could look into her eyes afterward with a gaze which had left its mark on her soul. She shuddered--and she wasn't certain whether it were pleasurable or not; it was so hard to figure out. Everything in him in these moments had been almost primal, seemed as though he were acting out of the deepest and most animalistic parts of his soul--the depths she had seen there undeniably fierce. She wasn't even certain that he had been thinking clearly; it was as though he had been moved by some instinct far beyond even his own conscious reach. She let out a small moan. And she still wasn't certain whether she wanted to see more of this side of him or not.

Lord. She closed her eyes, far too swept away by all these questions to be able to analyze clearly, to even be certain of where or who she was; there was another, small shudder. The worst part of it, too, was knowing that--at least to a certain extent--she did indeed want to see more of this side of him, that she craved it in a way she had never imagined desiring anything before. Something, she knew, had been born in those sweet, fiery moments--something which frightened her. It couldn't quite be named, but some long-buried, perhaps even previously nonexistent, need had been tapped then--some yearning which went far beyond language being brought to light; she couldn't even quite understand what it was. Despite her inexperience, though, she suspected that it wasn't just lust, that it wasn't anything quite so transient or unfocused; she had at least seen enough of that emotion in her mother's house, could spot it easily. She shook her head. But no--this was something more--something more primitive, more innate than that; she nearly moaned, overwhelmed by a very new need. If only she could have a chance to know it again.

These thoughts swelled in her, overwhelming--made her want so much more--sending her reeling with their force. It was like she had suddenly discovered some part of herself--maybe even the most important part--one which was aching to be let loose. It was very much like he had reached deep inside her and touched the absolute genesis and home of her need; her heart thumped. Lord, it was too much--and she had no idea whether she could ever come to live with it sanely at all.

These realizations were nearly too powerful for her--almost did in all her clarity. She let out a shaky breath, not understanding--her mind turning slightly, running. Still, whatever it might be, one fact did remain: it was huge--was unconquerable; she moaned. And, despite all the dangers she was certain it held, she wasn't sure that she ever wanted to let it go again.

All of these truths were pounding at her now--were nearly swamping her; she couldn't begin to put it together. Even worse, she knew that she had no time to--even if she wasn't making much headway toward preparing for the date she been chosen for. She probably didn't have much time before Helmut came for her, before she had to face whatever she might be in for this night--but she simply had no focus for anything at all outside of that soul-creating kiss; she let out a slow breath. Hopefully, she would be ready enough, when he came. She had nothing more than that left to give.

Lord--it was too much. This wasn't a workable situation, certainly--wasn't likely to help her, but she could see no way out, at present. Never could she have imagined, when she had woken up this morning, that she would have felt so primally possessed by the object of her sometime adoration by the end of the day--that she would be so certain that there was no one else she could ever be happy with; she almost moaned. Still, it wasn't a workable situation, wasn't even quite survivable; the object of her devotion was a man she didn't understand, was one whose past still haunted her--and, even worse, was not the person she would be out with tonight. She shuddered, trying to comprehend. Oh, God. Her heart thumped. If only she knew some way to get through . . .

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  • Chapter 21 - Part 2 -- Repost Fairy, 17:11:09 05/03/02 Fri
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