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Date Posted: 17:23:29 05/03/02 Fri
Author: Repost Fairy
Author Host/IP: 64.193.19.25
Subject: Chapter 23 - Part 3 (end of chapter 23)
In reply to: KGilbert 's message, "Dreams in the Dark - Chapter 20 and forthcoming" on 17:00:21 05/03/02 Fri

It took a bit of willpower, but she took a deep breath a moment later--trying to bring herself back into line. It wasn't that she had forgotten her own inexperience--wasn't that she thought she was really capable of giving him all the things he had no doubt gotten from all the other, less virginal women around here. But she could also see that he was foolishly punishing himself for his desires--when he obviously had no intention of ever forcing her to do anything at all; her mind ran back, her look souring. She had seen men who would have done that, after all, knew what that intention looked like in their foul eyes--and knew very well that it just wasn't in him. It wasn't even a question. She let out a short snort, annoyed. How on earth could he even think . . .?

There was a deep breath a moment later, however, as she gazed into him further--and she sighed, seeing that she would have to work on persuading him of this. Whatever his noble intentions, she really couldn't let him go with such delusions for long.

She worked on bringing about the ending she wanted, then, began her half-conscious plan--needing him to understand. Her voice was quiet--if huskier than she had realized before; she blinked. Huh. "Will you answer a few questions for me, Michael?"

Christ. It was terrible. His heart thumped--hating that he had just revealed so much to her--even if he didn't see any way he could have avoided it; he tried to look on the bright side. Well, at least she was talking to him. That was something, after all that. Maybe he should just see where this led.

He gave into this desire finally, but was still facing away, voice soft. "If I can."

She nodded. She might not like his distance, but his response was enough for now. Her next words were intended to shock him slightly--to bring him back to her. "So is having sex with me all you want for us?"

Lord. This hadn't been what he had expected at all; she was always surprising him. He spun around, staring at her, a little shocked. Sometimes he forgot how much she understood and saw--despite her virginity; he gazed at her a moment before answering--stunned into utter honesty. "No."

Good. She smiled; it was the most she would allow herself. Openly dancing didn't seem to entirely fit into the moment; it could wait. She pressed him on. "Then, you want us to be more than just lovers, want something more," here her courage failed her a little, her voice dropping further, "permanent?"

Ohh--Christ. His heart was thundering, his gaze incredibly deep. That had to be the understatement of the century. He took a deep breath, trying to move himself on. If she only knew just how very much he wanted from her . . .

Still, he couldn't quite answer--couldn't force himself to. He had already rushed things along wildly by kissing her like that earlier today; he couldn't allow them to move too much further along before they were ready. He changed the subject. "You don't know that much about me, 'Kita." He shrugged, trying to be casual--with only marginal success. "I don't know that much about you." He held back his groan at his words, finishing his thought in silence. Just everything he would ever have to understand to live.

Oh. His words could have terrified her, normally, could easily have convinced her that he didn't really care--but today was different; everything was, after that kiss. She smiled. Besides, there was something in his eyes which said he was definitely not turning her away--just being cautious. She sighed quietly, hating it--even if it was probably for the best; she pressed on, hoping. "But you do want something more."

The words were such a ludicrously mild version of reality--but, somehow, he kept himself from laughing. What wild understatements she was capable of. His gaze was deep, lost to her--confessing everything there. "Yes."

Mm--she was liking this. She gazed down at the floor, still smiling--her voice quiet; her heartbeat warmed her through. "Good." Amazing as it was, for once in her usually unbearable life, everything seemed to be working out just fine.

Lord--it was too much. Once her bright eyes met his again, he felt like his heart had stopped beating, was so thoroughly caught there. She was just so very beautiful. He nearly moaned, too, as the real content of this conversation worked through to him--his mind spinning. This really had been an amazing day; he echoed her smile. "Good."

Oh--wow. They were both caught like that--staring into the other's gaze, saying everything there they couldn't begin to put into words yet, their hearts pounding. While, in some ways, they hadn't really moved much further along, everything was suddenly different. With very few words, their world had tilted on its axis, leaving them both a little lost--but very, very happy. For one of the first times in their lives, the future truly looked bright. Thank God.

They stayed like that for several minutes, very lost--unable to move. While seemingly small, this conversation had still taken them far further than either of them had expected or dreamed at the beginning of the day. Perhaps there was no clear plan of how they would proceed, was no map to keep them on track, but--somehow--they had the feeling that they would find their way. All they had to do was wait and see.

The gaze was all-encompassing, but they were finally broken from it a moment later when they heard people talking outside--were brought back to reality at last. They both blinked, looking a little stunned. Huh. However wonderful it might be, this day really didn't get any clearer at all.

Nikita was lost, happy, but realized at last that she had probably overstayed her welcome--or, at least, her ability to speak coherently. She looked down, remembering the time--and what had to come later; there was a small sigh, as she stood, forcing herself to accept the truth. "I should go."

Oh--right. He took a deep breath, trying to brace himself. It was hard to remember that she didn't belong right here. His heart thumped, as his mind turned on this realization further--his determination settling. Not yet, anyway--but she would. Of that, he was certain; the fierceness ran deeper, showing in his eyes. He wouldn't let anything separate them again.

He moved toward her at last, knowing she was right--that she had to get ready to face her date with Helmut--and he tried to settle himself on this fact, however difficult it might be. Whatever his various fears and dislikes, he knew she would at least be physically safe with the man; the banker only ever slept with women for reputation purposes--which was why he chose extremely willing, renowned gossips. He smiled slightly, the truths sinking in. Nikita wouldn't be a target there; on that, at least, he could settle himself. His thoughts grew darker. But, on any of the man's other plans, he wouldn't be so open--wouldn't let him win her in any other way; his heart thumped, a renewed fierceness setting in. Now and forever, Nikita was his.

It would do him no good to brood, however. Whatever the torment of some of these thoughts, he moved himself on, taking her hand, as these musings drifted away--his focus now on her alone; his heart thumped again. God, she was beautiful--and absolutely amazing; his respect for her grew even further. Her confidence in confronting him about their future tonight astounded him, made him love her all the more--especially given the obviously unsettled state she had arrived in. He somehow kept back his moan. Even in the slightly-smeared makeup, she was still the most stunning woman he had ever known; his heart thumped further, the reality almost too much for him. Yes--she was a very incredible woman--and he was absolutely lost to her, now and forever. He smiled. God help them both.

She focused on him again--but her heart nearly stopped at the look in his eyes. Ohh. Her gaze traced over his features, so very moved. How could any man be so perfect? She smiled, almost tearily. It was a mystery she could never quite understand--but she could never stop wanting him at all.

She tried to hold herself together, but her moan was soft, as his voice possessed her--taking her over completely. "Thank you, Nikita." Her heart wept. She could never imagine being separate from him again.

They were both utterly lost, were far beyond turning back. There was another second of that overpowering gaze, as well, before he leaned in, kissing her--tenderly, lovingly, his hand warm on her cheek. And it was then that her whole soul nearly melted from sheer adoration; she almost moaned, her determination setting. Whatever issues they had yet to cover between them, she was never letting him go again.

She was caught there, beautiful, unsettling emotions tumbling through her, as she returned the kiss joyously, overwhelmed once more by the soft brush of his lips against hers, loving that tender, silken caress--still stunned by all that seemingly simple move could do. And, while she was a little disappointed that the delight from earlier that evening wasn't repeated, she had no true complaints; the kiss told her everything she had to know. Wherever they might end up, Michael cared for her--as a woman, as a partner--respected her in a way no man ever had before; she moaned, holding him closer, needing so much. No--she was never letting him go again.

All of this was amazing, her thoughts heady--her realizations ones she had long ago given up believing could happen in her lifetime, especially with any man as beautiful as this one; her whole soul warmed. Still, there was no longer anything like doubt. Whatever might come, she was sure they were finally destined for something good.

Lord. The moment nearly did him in; there was a small moan deep in Michael's throat, as he continued the kiss for one more long moment, unable to let go. In a way, he realized, it was a first. This kiss was neither about preparation for a role or an uncontrollable rush of need--was about something far sweeter than any of that; his heart thumped more heavily, the realization settling, warming him to his soul. It was a promise of sorts--was a vow to use the weeks and months ahead to search with her for the depths of the bond which already lay between them, to work toward a point which would see both of them united and happy. God, it was incredible--but it was a pledge which both of them were finally more than ready to make.

It was a perfect moment; there was no need to question. They forced themselves to separate a few moments later, though, knowing life had to continue from here--however little they wanted to leave. While they both suspected that things wouldn't progress in quite the way they had begun--that they would probably return to their more companionate bond, rather than this more intimate one, as they worked toward their future, finding all of their partner's truths--neither of them were complaining; they understood the future. This was what they had been waiting for all their lives--was far too perfect to let go of. This was what neither of them would ever be denied again.

Nikita left then, made herself, both of them allowing the night to progress as it needed to--however little they liked it; they had already gotten further than they ever could have expected at the start of the day. They both smiled slightly, understanding too well. There was only so far the world could be recreated in a single evening.

They tried to continue, then--finally knowing the truth. Perhaps there were still fears to discuss, were many secrets to reveal--perhaps they both had very much to learn--but the terror of separation, the terror brought on by raw, unrequited emotion, was gone at last. There might be very far they had to go before they were ready for commitment or any deeper sort of intimacy, but they were very anxious for the journey. Whatever was to come, they both understood one comforting reality. They would never be completely separated again.

[End of Part 23]

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