| Subject: The forgery exposed! |
Author:
Damon Torsten
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Date Posted: 06:34:52 06/19/02 Wed
In reply to:
Bob Hurley
's message, "Glad" on 19:26:43 06/16/02 Sun
Aha - I've been away for a few days at a conference for pleistocene and early holocene archaeology in Victoria and New South Wales - but I return with a couple of things to say...
Message #1:
To Bob,
Thank you for your recent post which we wholeheartedly agree with. There has been far too much sillyness and off-topic banter here of late, but we at The Shrine are fully aware that you are not involved in this recent debacle - and naturally respect and encourage your right to defend yourself, which you have just done most eloquently. And likewise, we thank you for your enthusiasm for all things CRCMH and contributions to The Shrine in general - and look forward to this relationship continuing.
Message #2:
To Joe,
Okay, where do I start? Perhaps with myself. I can't help feel just a little responsible for encouraging a load of nonsense that has nothing whatsoever to do with the CRCMH. I should have known better than to provoke an obnoxious child. And for that, I most humbly apologize to everyone with an interest in this message board.
It all began when I foolishly replied to what might be best referred to as "glib message board spam" posted by yourself concerning a plastics factory being constructed on the present CRCMH site. Aside from being childish, your message had no constructive intent - not being written as a serious topic for discussion or for the enjoyment of others. Quite frankly, it was a load of rubbish - and it must be said, not the first piece of trash that you've been responsible for here either. You seem to be quite obsessed with posting banal statements in other people's names, which is a sign of your true density if nothing else. You are obviously an insecure individual. Perhaps you were abused as a child, I don't know, but I suggest regressional therapy.
Still (and I've already apologized for this), knowing that you have an unhealthy obsession with Marlow - because Pwurg knows all in a strange psychic-type way - I thought that I'd shift the proposed ficticious factory to your beloved town and leave it at that. End of joke. But no, it all backfired. I guess I should think twice before assuming that certain people I don't know possess both a sense of humour and a hint of creative intelligence. As much as it saddens me to break the news, it has to be said that you clearly have neither.
Only a complete and utter imbecile would fail to realise that my reply was nothing but pure fiction. It's called "wit", and when you're old enough, they'll teach you all about it in school. I mean, really - why would anyone want to save the gravel pits around Marlow? They've been nothing but an eyesore for decades. And Piltdown Man in Marlow? How stupid do you have to be to go off and investigate that? The fraud was finally exposed some twenty years BEFORE the ficticious "Marlow finds" mentioned in my reply. Do you think for a moment that an archaeologist such as myself would be likely to raise such an issue for reasons other than humour? And out of interest, Piltdown Man was not "a set of fake fossils of primative (sic) man" - it was cranial pieces from a medieval Englishman and the jaw of a modern Far Eastern ape. The underlying point is that you've tried to seriously analyse and defend yourself against an obvious load of gibberish - with no conception of the true intent behind what I was writing, which speaks volumes in regard to the sadness of your existence. Nobody here wants to look at your shallow and irrelevant research. Nobody here cares who the Wycombe District Council staff are. It has absolutely nothing to do with the Canadian Red Cross Memorial Hospital, so it doesn't belong here. If you want to start a message board on which you can post tales of how wonderful Marlow is, then do so. You can even reply to your own messages if you so desire, given that you seem to enjoy that sort of thing. Have a little chitter-chatter with yourself about just how great it is to sit on Marlow's "lovely" bridge whilst fantasizing about Steve Redgrave.
And while I'm at it, I might as well strongly advise you to stop skipping school, which you clearly must have been doing. Sure, there's been several obscure posts on this board by other people too - some of which are rather outlandish (the lovely Miss Fftang for example)- but at least these people have had the dignity to at least attempt to write coherently. The same cannot be said for yourself. If you're going to attempt to participate in academic debates, then you're going to have to first learn to read and write properly. I hope that your grasp of the English language is not indicative of the general standard of schooling in Marlow - or townsfolk of the future will be the kind of evolutionary dead-ends that Piltdown Man was for so long thought to be (hence why I chose that particular subject, not that your primitive brain was capable of figuring that one out). And much in the same way that Mr J.Merrick's hideous deformities were exhibited in Victorian London, I shall now divulge a couple of your "Greatest Hits" for the masses (which are of course arbitrary because I could go on forever with this section):
Exhibit A:
Joe says: "what is it then George Lambrick if he formed an allience with wycombe district council then why would he know about the rest of marlow planning permission as from what u say "As such, any planning that concerns sites of historical interest has to be passed for approval by CBA before local government bodies can give the go-ahead for any project" only concern the gravel pits."
Damon says: This sentence (yes, it IS a single sentence) is incomprehensible nonsense. It contains three spelling mistakes (or two if I was feeling generous), and there's at least twelve grammatical errors. I'd also consider it elliptical in so much as I can't figure out what you're actually trying to say from the incomplete fragments of language that are presented here. No stars.
Exhibit B:
Suggestions for the New Farrand Oxford Dictionary:
aquse - a. of or like foul water from gravel pits near Marlow.
draged - past of drage. v. walk in affected effeminate way, esp. like residents of Marlow.
inest - n. peculiar type of affection displayed between blood relatives from Marlow.
now adays - n. obsession maintained by residents of Marlow for the music of Meatloaf.
primative - n. half primate, half humanoid; native or inhabitant of Marlow.
refering - v. act of delivering unintelligible speech; Marlow dialect.
To conclude, because I really don't want to waste any more time on this than I already have, I must make one final apology. In response to your statement: "i am very insulted that you aquse me of masquerading as that complete wanker", I'd like to formally apologize for inferring that you were masquerading as a complete wanker. I was quite incorrect because you weren't masquerading at all. The fact of the matter is that you are quite naturally of the "wanking persuasion" and would therefore have no need whatsoever to masquerade as one. I rest my case.
So no more crap. Okay? Good.
Damon Torsten
Co-Webmaster
The CRCMH Shrine
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