| Subject: I FUCKING Hate The WORLD |
Author:
Domino
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Date Posted: 02:08:14 07/11/03 Fri
Hey guys. I'm about to vent so put on your earmuffs and close your eyes.
'Have you ever thought you knew someone? Only to be proven wrong within a short hours time. Well that just happened.'
I've told Heather most of this, but I'll fill you in Mon. I like this guy name Jared (he has an eclipse) but my friend Jen likes him too. She is the one that introduced us to each other, and we were only friends. Well about a month ago now he kissed me and we well did a little more then make out but not the full thing. Anyways. I had told him Jen liked him still and he said he didn't. He was gonna talk to her. Obviously he never did, since she told me three days later that he had kissed her. To make things more complicated another guy that liked her, James tried to have sex with me cause he is addicted to it and couldn't get it from her. But that isn't the point.
I have seen Jared about 6 times alone since that changing point in our friendship, an nothing has ever happened. I hadn't even told Jen about what happened. Well today I told her, EVERYTHING. I've never been jealous of this girl, she is my best friend. Younger, but my best friend. And she was actually cool with it. I didn't lie about anything and neither did she. We worked out the shit and things seemed okay.
NOT We went out cruising and ended up calling Jared cause we were bored and had nothing to do. He invited us over to watch a movie and we excepted. We watched the movie, then we watched another, then we listened to some music....then things just went to hell and farther. I had been flirting with him a little, but because of Jen I had decided not to do anything. I can lose a guy, just so long as I don't lose my friend. Well we ended up all wrestling for some toy that he wouldn't give Jen, and it ended in a feeling contest. Things got a little heated and he was headed for a threesome or so it looked. Then I realized something, while I was the one on the receiving end of the touching. She was getting all the tongue action. I was just being used. Broken I started to move away, but he wouldn't let me. Finally I gave in, letting him enjoy this moment a little longer. But then I couldn't take it. I pushed his hands away, starting at him through tears in the dark as my one best friend began to kiss him without any consent of how I'd feel.
He looked at me torn, and I did the only thing I knew how to do. I took his hands and placed them on my friend, submitting to him that I'd lost the game, and his heart. She'd won. Just like Megan with Sean, and Jimmy's many victories. I've once more fallen for the guy I never should have...only this time? I can't cry....I've lost all my tears. I cried all yesterday about it. But today? I just drive. I drove for 2 hours scaring my friend so much she thought she'd die. But I wouldn't do that. I'm not that cold hearted.
She asks if I'm mad I like no, and I'm not mad at her, I have no reason to be. He was never mine, we were not boyfriend and girlfriend merely friends that went a little bit farther then they should've. I'm hurt, she has proven to me that she is human, just like all the other's that have backstabbed me in my life. Only this time? I don't know if I'll ever recover. I don't want to die, I rather like the pain of heartache I seem to love putting myself through. It's almost funnier then death. Obsessed you will say. Yeah, I guess I was. But when one is blinded by a red haired guy that seems to promise you the world then dash such hopes for a fifteen year old girl. It kinda takes you for surprise.
Okay now that I've probably freaked you guys out too. I'm gonna go watch another movie. This will be the 4th one I've watched tonight. Only I won't have someone's hand on my knee or a handsome smile to turn to. Nor will my friend look me in the eye anymore. My lil' bro is cluessless as to why we aren't talking. He thinks we're just tired, if only that were the case. I luv ya guys like sisters, and I know that you'll be on to yell at me later for the damn pity party. I'll be here....eventually. I have nothing else to look forward to anymore. And to think...never mind, thinking will get me no where now. I'm out. Later ya'll though I have posted everywhere. later then you would have liked I know. I'm sorry. BYE
*The Broken*
*The Bruised*
*The Used*
*The Domino*
Domenica
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