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Date Posted: 01:38:32 06/24/02 Mon
Author: Dhul Fiqaar
Subject: A story about camel flies
In reply to: Papa 's message, "That is absolutely true." on 23:19:40 06/03/02 Mon

I think you are--eh, how do you say--exaggerating the dangerousness of camel flies, Papa. Now, in my occupation I spend much time with the camel and so I have a great knowledge of their flies. I tell you, much worse than your silly story is to have a sister such as the one Allah has given me.

Her name is Arwa, which means “female mountain goat” (among Muslim peoples this name is indicates sturdy grace). But in my sister one also finds the wildness of the goat--eh how does the English idiom go? The horniness of the goat! In her youth when my father harvested dates she had the job of arranging the fruits as they heated and dried in the sunshine. That is a girl’s job. When I grew old enough (this was much later, as I am 25 years the younger of her) I was sent to herd the sheeps. That is a job for boys. But Arwa…in those days she was very pretty, and soon she had attracted many helpers, all of them boys! In this way she arranged hot dates with all the boys of our town, and thereby my father received a great embarrassment.

So as a punishment he gave here the job of collecting pigeon peas. This was in the time before science understood that pigeons do not urinate. Nowadays there is no such job.

Eh, but no thing could--what is the word--chagrin my sister Arwa. First she married to a Turkish coffee vendor and went to Ankara, but after only two years he died from an impacted fez and she returned to our village to escape the police. Another husband she found, this one a maker of plastic camel saddles in holiday colors. With him she had five children, three girls and four boys, and all nine of them became respected outcasts of Cairo high society. Indeed it was a miracle, Allahu Akbar! But one day her husband fell into a vat of boiling plastic (in festive Ramadan colors) and perished. For many years thereafter Arwa was display him in her stitch-making shop, a plasticised mummy of a husband. She would say to her, eh how is the idiom--her cronies--that whatever his faults he never argued, and always remained hard.

Fortunately, though the grace of Allah in her 57th year she received leprosy. Nowadays, with 65 years of age, she resides in a leprosarium and terrorizes the staff with her knitting needles and her heavy prosthetic boot. She is also fond of large dry Italian salamis, which she uses to club anyone who offends her. I find it very gratifying that she is not at home terrorizing me and my family.

But I have said nothing about the flies of camels. Indeed, the flies of the camel are large but not difficult to manage. They must not have zippers or buttons and so are quite simple. Ever since camels began wearing trousers the tailors of my country have understood the making of camel flies.

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
(In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)
Dhul Fiqaar

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