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Date Posted: 05:38:57 06/20/05 Mon
Author: Jean
Subject: not political...I dont know what to do(very long)

I posted this on the ldfr discussion board.
It is long and rambling.
But I really dont know what I should do and am asking for advice..or if I should do nothing more then I alread done.

thanks all


I went to girls camp with my three girls this last week.
It was great btw for us.

My concern is for a young lady that came to camp. She is NOT a member but her mother is.
needless to say her mother is a convert and is hoping her dd will also join. This girl is about 14 yrs old. She is a goth kid(dresses in black, black makeup etc).
Well two of the ladies at camp(one a leader and one not) decided to berate her and pick on her and pester her about how wrong it was to wear all black(it was modest..black pants and black tee shirt and they werent tight). They told her her black makeup was wrong(I didnt even notice it as it wasnt heavy) and made her remove it.
She also had some blue hair they picked on her about.
(her mother helped her streak it....remember her mother just joined the church is not yet perfect)(ohter girls from another ward all had pink hair as well as their leader..it was a "identifier"(sp?) very cute)

This girl is also getting help for depression.

She had shoulder lenght hair when she went to camp.
but after all of this berating she had a friend at camp cut it very short.(it was done well and looked cute). But this started a whole new round of these two leader berating her and picking on her telling her her hair was ugly and that she looked like a boy(she didnt).
I know she did it to get back at those who were picking on her.

I my mind here is a young lady with some emotional issues. Her mom is a NEW convert trusting the leaders at camp to bring her into the fold....not drive her away. There is nothing in the rules for girls camp that says you can not wear black( I wore a black tee shirt my self). There is nothing that says you cant have a bit of blue in your hair as oposed to pink(this isnt EFY...that is diffenent I know). There is nothing in the rules that says you cant have short hair.
Anyway I think the point is her mother trusted us to help her daughter feel like she was loved and cared about....not judged for the little things.
Like I said she was modest. Her clothes had no nasty word or pictures on them. She didnt have a zillion ear piercings...

The one lady that was not a leader but was still tormenting her on the issues tried to gossip with me about her. I just gave her "the look".
She asked my middle dd(who was one of this girls' new friends) "did you cut her hair!!!!?" My darling 13 yr old daughter said..."no but if I did I would be proud! I think it looks nice!"

My dd and her other friends stuck like glue to this girl and loved her and fellowshiped her
Every time I saw her I would stop and talk with her(asking her how she was doing and if she was having fun and if my daughter was driving her nuts yet). I was asked if I like her hair(I didntreally like it but didnt say it) I said well do you like it? She said she did and I said well that is what matters. I told her it was nice and soft and it was a pretty color.

We had a very spiritual meeting in which she and most of the rest of the girls were in tears.
I gave her a hug...these ladies who were picking on her did NOT.

I encouraged her to tell her mother about her hair before she got home. She did and her mother laughed. So in my mind it is between her and her daughter and non of the business of the rest of us. Like I said this was girls camp and not EFY.

I have never been so bothered by the actions of some ladies in the church as their behavior has bothered me.
Oh btw they were picking on her and berating her in front of the other girls!

The leaders complained of ther bad attitude. When they said something to me about it I said well that is normal behavior for a teen who is feeling picked on. I know I behave badly sometimes when I feel picked on...even now as a 40+ yr old woman.

Some of the other adults and me were talking(without metioning any names of girls or leaders) how we sometimes drive people away by being to judgmental and selfrightous.
We talked about how christ would had he been here today would give kids like these kids that are a bit different a big hug and how he would exspect us to be loving toward them...fellowshiping them into the fold instead of driving them away with a stick.

anyway
can you tell I'm still bothered by this?

Should I talk with someone on a stake level about this?
Not to get anyone into trouble but to hopefully prevent this from happening again.
I understand that rules and standards are the rules and standard for members or nonmembers at girls camp....but she wasnt breaking them.
I think the trouble was that this is a brand new girls camp director(I'm sure she was overwelmed, I know I would be) and she is also a very very very very very hard line member about everything...even to the point of beleaving that the girls if they dont obey the rules, like lights out at a certain time, will NOT get to go to the Celestial Kingdom!(she all but said that to me)

She did a good job for her first time being a camp director but she pushed a LOT of girls away.

One of the things that was done to the YCL's was since there were to many of them this year she put the extra ones in a cabin with NO jobs to do, no years to be over and no responsibities. I asked what was the point of these girls being here if there was nothing for them to do. My answer was "well they can reflect".
How many teenage girls do you all know would be happy with doing nothing but reflexing all week at camp? There were about 5 ycl's in this positition. My oldest dd being one of them. Most of these girls were in there first year as a ycl and non of them want to go back next yr!
But I didnt say anything so as to not stir the coals.

On the last night it is tradition for the ycl's to have a party and stay up latter.
The new camp director told them they couldnt do it. She canceled it.

I'm trying not to sound petty but these are all things the girls came to me about.
I told them they should go to her and try to work out a compromise. Maybe not being up as late as they wanted but later then she wanted.
well she said they could stay up for 30 more mins.
They were angry since you cant gather up everyone and everything and have a party in 30 mins from beginging to end...so they just waited until she was asleep and had private parties all over the camp.

All in all I can see where a LOT of hard work abd thought went into the camp. I cant even imagine!

I just dont know what to do.

Over the issue of the girl with the blue hair I had to calm down my middle daughter, who was her new friend, she is saucy and has a temper to begin with and is very sensitive to anything she sees as unfairness(bigotry). I have never in her almost 14 yrs ever ever seen her this mad(Ive seen her plenty mad, beleave me). Her fist were balled up at her side, her black eyes were flashing and her nostrils were flaring! I thought if one of those two ladies were within reach she would have done something she should not, she was that angry. She is normaly a very think skined person and just lets things roll off and over her with a roll of the eyes and a shake of the head and just saying that is stupid. But not this time.
I had to pull her behind a cabin and tell her that while I understand her outrage at what apears to be bigotry, this kind of rage will help no one and will only hurt her and will not help her friend. I told her just to be encouraging, kind and loving, to this new, nonmember girl.

What would any of you have done?
What would any of you do now?
I want to be positive about it and hopefully help and not hurt.

My darling husband was not very happy either.
He didnt think it very Christlike.
He said it was actions like this that drive young people away from the church.
He didnt think a lot of young people like this young lady(her nick name is now blue, my darling daughters nick name is big bird...long story but they are happy with their nicknames as they gave them to each other) be willing to listen to the gospel if it came from these two ladies mouths.
I'm just glad there were some sisters at camp that pulled her into their circle of caring and understanding.

I got to kow her. She is a nice kid who is trying to find her way.

Should I talk with the stake young womens presidency or just let it slide.

I really dont know what to do.

Thanks for reading this very long and rambling post.

Blessings
Jean

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