Author:
HikkY (antisocial, mad, lunatic, lonely)
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Date Posted: 08:33:54 07/04/07 Wed
What is wrong with me?
Before this, I'm just a very normal student you always met in lrt stations, tuition centre etc etc. My academic result is just average. I hate admaths an I love bio. I've failed admaths a few times b4. But I still got myself straight A's in PMR and UPSR. Miracle eh?
I love to write stories, and I love imaginating. I love to hang out wif my frens and My school works are just fine.
But this year, everything turned to hell.
I was admitted into the 'genius' class, in which I think I don't belong to. I used to be a very obedient 'daddy's girl', because I NEVER had even stand close near a boy, NEVER had known any boy, NEVER had disobeyed my parents, RARELY go out wif my friends.
But now, I'm completely evolved to an antisocial.
I'm terrified to go to school, because I had been absent for many many days. I'm terrified when people ask me "why, where were you, when" and so on... I'm terrified to talk to anyone, including my bestfriends.
I don't know the reason to all this, but I think I might noe some of it.
The only person I've ever trusted so much in my teenage life, Irene, BETRAYED me. Suddenly one day she messaged me saying, "I don't want to know anything about you. It's over now."
I was completely in shock. Haven't heal from my shock yet, my best friend, Germs, is ditching me away. She didn't react anything when I say hi to her. That adds the shock.
And Debbie, my other bestfriend, is accusing me that I don't care about her. That is wrong because I keep telling her that I love her and I'll never leave her alone.
And, my dad suddenly decide that, I can NEVER go hang out wif my friends, because he thinks that they bring bad influence for my studies.
My mom lost hope in me because I start to avoid people.
My teachers call me 'lazy' and 'hopeless.'
It just that, everything and everyone that ever made me happy suddenly stab me from the back.
Everyone.
So now i'm avoiding everyone. Being an antisocial. When my mom force me to go out and meet people, I cut myself, eat sleeping pills and tried to drink clorox and cyanide.
clorox taste awful. It makes your mouth burn and feel hot like acid.
and yet, I haven't die yet. Why can't they just understand that I DON'T WANT TO MEET ANYONE???
And I dunno what is wrong with me.
I am an otaku. I joined the NHK and hikikomori club.
I was used to be the 'bright student' and everyone's hope in success.
Got too much on my shoulders. They just don't know it.
What is wrong with me? What should I do?
ANd I'm wondering, if I don't get the solution in 100 hours, I'll try cyanide.
The end.
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