| Subject: Re: eng合唔合格呀(詳見內文)eng應該合格，但難高等級呀。(About a E Grade) |
Author:
板主
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Date Posted: 20:26:33 04/24/03 Thu
In reply to:
cherry kam
's message, "唔該幫我睇下,我eng合唔合格呀" on 02:16:18 04/24/03 Thu
General Comments
1. Wrong logic everywhere-especially suggesting points without prove while using words like "must" or "should"-leading to a stubbon tone.
2. Lack of variety of vocabulary showed-important for CE but not important for ASL-dangerous!!!
3. Even though Reasons are mentioned before Suggestions this time, they are weakly linked & vague! Besides, some are already being practised-so you just described without adding your NEW ideas-dangerous of losing marks.
4. Too many sentences' meanings unclear-diffcult for markers to read and that also mean a poor grade is certain!!!
5. Other small comments in #[blankets].
6. Think twice before you write: Your logic is problematic & hence I urge you NOT to write practise "Argumative/Pervasive Writng". But if you DO want to write, I strongly recommend you read or watch more newspaper/News Program as related to real life and a way to train you to think practically & logically-not just read textbooks and suggest impractical solutions to issues! (***I am sorry to find that your writing style still don't fit the type of wrting you chose & it is very dangerous-may be you should try "narractive" as you can put forward "imaginative" ideas.***)
7. P.S. You should reply my comment-otherwises I don't know how to help you!
>The Red Cross is frequently short of blood. Write to
>letter to the newspaper on this topic suggesting why
>this is so. Discuss ways of solving the problem.
>Include a discussion on the idea of paying blood
>donors.
>Dear editor,
> Blood is #[a] part of our bodies#[one only-body], and it is very
>important. It can give #[transport, not give!] oxygen to everywhere of our
>bodies every time, take out the waste from out bodies #[our body],
>improve the injure #[What do you mean?]…etc. The most important is when
>you are serious injury, may be have a danger of life,
>blood is a better medicine to continue your life #[blood is not use to cure people, therefore it is not "medicine"].
>The Red Cross is frequently short of blood. Donor is more
>fortunate than patient. #[Why? Don't try to "translate" Chinese sayings if you are not sure!] Why people don’t donate their blood? #[Why donate??? You didn't explain?]
> One of the reasons, some people is conservative
>and tacky. They think blood is very important, so they
>don’t give it to anybody. #[ They think importnat not equal to not donate-wrong logic]
>The elder Chinese, must not be a donor. #[think should not be-not must!!!-not the 1st time you commit this mistake!!!]
>They have traditional thinking about the blood problem.
>Chinese herbal medicine was popular in
>china #[China] in a thousand years ago. Despite you lacked in #[no "in"]
>blood to continue your life, the doctor only used the
>herbal medicine. History can affect our life #[way of living, not "life"!] , but we
>can control our future. On #[the] other hands #[hand-singular] , some people
>usually want to have interest for them. Hong Kong
>hospital has frequently short of blood.
> The Government should find some ways of solving
>this problem. They should promote that hospital needs
>many blood. #[What???] For example, they can make a video that
>including the Red Cross is short of blood, #[Have they make it? Was that useful?] >what is the patient needs, how to use the blood.
> And, they should make some free gift to use the
>blood donor. For example, special paper, bags, Red
>Cross’s T-shirt…etc. it can attract more people to
>pay blood. #[Have they make it? Was that useful?]
> But not anybody can be a donor. The donor should keep
>their health. #[look after themselves] They have no risk and cancer. #[How can you put "risk" & "cancer" together? They are 2 completely different things!!!]
>Because the blood is give the risk to patient.
> Today Kong Hong has #[the] need #[of] blood, if you have ability
>to be a donor, you should go to give blood in Red
>Cross.
>Yours faithfully,
>Chris
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