"I always believe what is written." -- <font size = "4">The Drunks Bar </font size "4">

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3], 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 11:16:29 12/11/03 Thu
Author: NKLS Cody
Subject: "I always believe what is written."
In reply to: Sister Regina Dentata 's message, "THWACK! Your Spelling leaves much to be desired young man!" on 07:15:48 12/11/03 Thu

I am so glad you finally "came out" and admitted that whatever might be reported must be factual or it would be impossible to be written.

Behold:

Groundhog is Released from Jail;
Declares Himself Reincarnation of Christ

AUSTIN, Texas&emdash; President George W. Bush today granted a pardon for the homicidal soothsaying groundhog.

"There is absolutely no proof that stealing police cars and holding people hostage is a bad thing," said a White House Press Secretary, who then added sardonically, "It should be noted that this is the administration that doesn't think carbon dioxide causes global warming."

When the groundhog walked out of the police station, he was greeted by a crowd of supporters. No stranger to celebrity, he quickly declared himself the reincarnation of Christ.

"He was all like, 'I'm Christ' and shit, and I was like 'You're better than that Waco guy," said fanatical supporter Cletas "Generic Texan" Higginsworth.

Following his speech, the Groundhog led his loyal followers into a hole in the ground nearby, which he named Zion Hole.

Informed sources say that from Zion Hole, he will monitor the poor schmucks outside, known in the Groundhog cult as Babylon. The cult will ultimately emerge from Zion Hole in the year 2671, when Babylon will be destroyed by a war between the United States and Portugal.

Jesus Christ was quick to hold a press conference.

"Yes, I know it would be stupid" said Christ, "but I looked into it, and it turns out he really is my reincarnation."

Shortly after the conference came to a close, Christ joined a Buddhist monastery.

The monastery refused to comment.

The Pope said today that he was saddened that the basis for his whole religion had joined another because of a homicidal rat.

The groundhog's rampage began February second when he bit his handler, took a cop's gun and held some people hostage before stealing a police car and then driving down to Mexico on the wrong side of the road. He was apprehended by some slack jawed Texas ranger.

Zion Hole is having an open house on Saturday.

The Groundhog, shortly before his first rampage

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

I will run over that ground hog -- Harvy Truman, 19:28:49 12/11/03 Thu

Groundhog is Released from Jail; Declares Himself Reincarnation of Christ

Groundhog is Released from Jail;
Declares Himself Reincarnation of Christ