An explanation of my absence (while I enjoy my gin and tonic) -- <font size = "4">The Drunks Bar </font size "4">

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Date Posted: 19:35:18 10/12/03 Sun
Author: OPB
Subject: An explanation of my absence (while I enjoy my gin and tonic)
In reply to: Eric 's message, "Kill the fatted calf" on 18:33:01 10/12/03 Sun

Six months ago, I was lured to a brothel in Indianapolis with the promise of a cheap blowjob. Being at a low point in my life, I decided to go for it. When I arrived, I was given mulled wine, slowly and tenderly undressed by two gorgeous Asian chicks, and wrapped up in a bearskin rug. I eagerly awaited, but I suddenly noticed that my erection had failed; and soon I began to grow very sleepy--the wine had been drugged, and I fell into the hands of my enemies, Picker Pace and his slack-jawed inbred kin. I was frozen in a carbonite block and put on a starship bound for Episilon Eridani, where my bodily organs would fetch a high price at the dinnertables of the natives.

For five months I was locked into a living death, frozen in a conscious limbo.

Finally, beyond the carbonite that had plugged my ears and eyes, I sensed something happening. Then, no sooner had I thought that did I collapse like a limp fish onto the floor, free of my prison. And over me stood none other than Rev. E. Dwayne Looper and eight of his Looper Christian Knights. They had slain much of the Pace clan, and blood and hacked-off limbs littered the hold of the starship where we were. I struggled to thank him, but I was paralyzed; it would be another month before I could could walk again. Picker had escaped during the battle; I see now that he's made his way back to Earth again.

The kind soul of Rev. Looper cared for me all during that long month of rehabilitation, when I shed the terrible effects of my imprisonment. One day he asked me that if perhaps my encounter had taught me anything, shown me any moral truths; that's a question I'm still considering. I'm leaning toward the condemnation of killing bears for the sake of making bearskin rugs.

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Replies:

I need proof of your carbonite device -- Hugh Danig, 20:32:36 10/12/03 Sun
- My explaination -- NKLS Cody, 23:45:47 10/12/03 Sun