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Date Posted: 06:00:23 10/27/03 Mon
Author: Samara
Subject: Hallow'een is evil

Hello Christians. I have decided through much soul searching and many conversations
with the Savior that this will be a very special article. Realizing that I have
already converted many divisiontwo readers who are easily swayed by hard-hitting
essays and solid facts, I have decided to begin saving the rest of you in other
ways. Starting next Thursday, I will be tracking each of you down individually
via your IP addresses and watching you, adding to each of your profiles. When
I feel the time is right, I will confront you and save you one by one.

But that may take time. And so, for tonight's article, I have decided to make
history and tear down a wicked, demonic institution that has worked its way
into classrooms and discount stores all across America. I am talking about "Halloween."
It's no accident that the first four letters spell "hollow", for this
is a far from a a day with any substance, unless the substance is sugar and
evil.

Year after year, billions of Christians nationwide allow their children to participate
in this disgusting holiday, to frolic with monsters and get chummy with Satan.
Most likely the only reason they allow it is because they don't know the true
origin of this celebration. All one really needs to do is examine the word:

Root word "Hallow" = "sinful night"
Suffix "een" = "full of"
Thus, "Hallow-een" = "Satan's night full of sin."

The annual celebration of "Halloween" actually began with the English
Druids in the late 15th century. Upon sundown on October 31st, the Druids would
roam the English countryside, rounding up as many Christian women and children
as they could find and then dragging them back to their bat caves. They would
then hold those Christian women and children hostage for the next 5 hours, performing
bizarre sexual rituals on them. And when that was over with, as the sun rose
up over the English horizon, the Druids would finish by eating their hostages
one-by-one, justifying it as a form of "communion" and chanting, "tireck
or tireates!", Latin for "Let us dine on Christian blood."

Now that you know the grizzly origins of this "all-in-good-fun" holiday,
the question becomes, what can we, as good Christians, do about it? Well, Christians,
I am sure you don't let your children hang around with the Druid kids at school,
so why let them frolic with them at night?

Family First, in conjunction with Jack Chick Publications and the Pat Buchanon
Anti-Defamation League, has come up with some intriguing alternative suggestions
for good Christians to do this Halloween.

1. First, do not let your children out of your sight on Halloween night. According
to the October 1998 issue of Family First, Satanic kidnappings on Halloween
night are up 64% from 1985, and many Satanic "missionaries" have been
spotted on the streets, directing our children into the hands of their sick
blasphemy. These "missionaries" are often dressed as crossing guards.

2. Instead, spend Halloween at home. Make the sinful night into a family night.
Family First has suggested that Christians actually celebrate a counter-holiday
on this date, to rebel against the Satanic establishment in the the U.S. They
suggest something that "edifies the body" and "welcomes Jesus
into the home." While a name has not yet been definitively chosen, rumor
has it that the Family First Decency Council is wavering between "Christmaseen"
('krist-muss-een) and "Eastereen" ('east-er-een).

3. Don't do anything to make this holiday at all enjoyable for the other neighborhood
children. Doing so would only help to perpetuate it for one more year. This
Halloween, when Satan's followers show up at your door begging for candy (this
was the ploy the original Druids used to gain access to Christian homes), taunt
and mock their wicked costumes. If they give a fuss, give them a shot in the
face with a squirt gun. Those kids will sure think twice before knocking on
another door!

4. No matter what, don't give out candy; give Bibles instead. Or better yet,
give the kids a few subscription cards for divisiontwo magazine. Tell the little
goblins to fill them out and mail them in on their own, "as a surprise
to mom and dad." You may also wish to hand out Jack Chick comics; kids
can't resist them! Another good idea from Family First: While your atheist neighbors
are handing out condoms and promoting their atheist myth of "safe sex,"
you could keep the children who come to your door safely locked inside your
home until the night is over, to keep them safe.

5. Know this: The media can work on your side. All we as Christians need to
do is create an issue. Family First suggests placing several small pins in tootsie
rolls and then phoning the local news station. If enough of us do it, it could
be enough to start a media "crisis," and Halloween will gradually
die out from fear. Another notable suggestion is to just give those special
tootsie rolls to the Druid children who show up at your door. In that way, you'd
be killing two birds with one stone.

Christians, just follow these five easy suggestions, or mix-mix-and-match and
add some of your own, and Halloween will no longer be a threat to our Lord and
Savior, Jesus H. Christ.

One more thing I want to address before I retire to Hooters for the evening
is the promogulation of atheism on the Internet. It seems like there are perhaps
hundreds of people all over the world who have not yet been led to Jesus. I
know that atheism is usually just the result of bad breeding or sexual abuse
as a child, but I am beginning to think there may be a few exceptions to that
rule. I read a report in the JAMA recently linking atheism to Scholiosis and
SIDS. It said that people with Scholiosis are about 4 times more likely than
those without to become atheists as a result of damage to their spinal cord
and/or brain stem. It also said that atheist babies are almost 40 times more
likely to die from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) than Christian babies
are. I feel that these people are probably beyond saving and so I will concentrate
my efforts on those of you who are either poorly-bred or suffered abuse as a
children. I consider it my public service to you.

Also, I read an article on one of the web sites the other day, and I couldn't
believe what I saw. Who could write such a thing? Atheists, I ask you, isn't
that a blatant contradiction of your own argument? Again, think about it.

Goodnight and God Bless

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