God fearing Christian seeks wife to beat into submission -- <font size = "4">The Drunks Bar </font size "4">

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Date Posted: 17:13:14 07/14/03 Mon
Author: Rev Mike Myers
Subject: God fearing Christian seeks wife to beat into submission

Hello, one and all in Christ! My name is the Reverend Mike Myers, and I am a member of the Duck Island Numbered Church based in Cathays, South Wales. Here's my picture:

I was saved many years ago on April 16, 1968 when I met Jack Chick and visited him in his hotel room. He offered me something that he called coke, but it wasn't black and sweet; in fact, it was white and went up my nose and made me feel funny! I had all sorts of visions of Jesus, and when I came out of my Christ-induced euphoria, the only problem was that my fanny was sore for some reason.

My best friend is Jack Chick, who for many years was my special friend in prayer. He regularly invited me into his chamber to receive the spirit of the Lord; I just didn't know it tasted so salty! Even when we were apart, I knew Jack was praying for me. He hid secret messages in the Chick Tracts that he used to make me go out and deliver to preach against homosexurals, so that I knew of his brotherly love for me.

That is why Jack is now ordering me to go into the world to find a wife. I wanted to dedicated my life to the Lord, but Jack ordered me out, saying things like his secretary was getting suspicious. Of what I don't know.

So here's to my future wife: She will be small, petite, possibly Thai (although Cambodians accepted, as long as they are at least sixteen), preferably disease free and nominally a Christian. We will live by the book of Deuteronomy and most of the Old Testament, and will be required to worship me, as I worship God on her behalf. If she disobeys me, she will be turned into salt, or barring miracles, beaten and chained like those girls I sneaked a peek of on Jack's computer!

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Replies:

You can get sued for this!!! -- Rev. Mike Sutcliffe, 17:39:16 07/14/03 Mon
- Sue me. -- Alfie Chicken/Rev Mike Myers, 17:52:22 07/14/03 Mon
  - Anyway, what happened to "Love Thy Neighbor"? Jack Chick loved me.... (NT) -- Rev. Mike Myers, 18:20:56 07/14/03 Mon
  - Bwaaack, bwaack, bok, bok, bok! You big chicken!!! -- Rev. Mike, 18:42:17 07/14/03 Mon
    - Oh my word. Leo P�tsch is Rev Mike Myers -- Leo P�tsch, 18:54:24 07/14/03 Mon
      - And if you do win that coconut, you can shove it up your arse, along with your 'Xian' love. (NT) -- Leo P�tsch, 18:57:22 07/14/03 Mon
      - Point proven! -- Rev. Mike Sutcliffe, 19:05:21 07/14/03 Mon
        Oh my. So Christianity is all about hating? (NT) -- Leo P�tsch, 19:10:06 07/14/03 Mon
- Are you really going to sue me? -- Leo P�tsch, 19:13:14 07/14/03 Mon
  - Mebbe I wont sue you after all -- Reverend Mike Sutcliffe, 19:18:24 07/14/03 Mon
    - Windbag. -- Leo P�tsch, 19:25:42 07/14/03 Mon
    - All right. Don't sue me, Mike Sutcliffe, or should I say Thomas Ice? -- Leo P�tsch, 19:37:35 07/14/03 Mon
      - LEO you started it -- Rev. Mike, 21:34:15 07/14/03 Mon