Date Posted:July 09, 09:15:pm GMT-5 Author: Number 13 Subject: Not quite 85 chapters but its a start
"I've never seen you in here before." My remark hung in the air like a cobweb between us.
The stranger smiled. We were in the saloon bar of The Nuclear Frog in the little village of Lower Quartermass.
"Thats probably because I've never been here before," said the stranger. He laughed. The sound was like an outboard motor starting up in the middle of a foggy night on the Mull of Kintyre.
The stranger finished his pint and pulled a device, the size of a calculator, from his pocket. It glowed like a lovesick firefly in a thunderstorm.
He pointed it at his empty glass. I'm sure it was empty because there was no beer in it. Before my astonished gaze it slowly filled up again.
"How did you do that?"
My words hung in the air like the braces dangling from the Landlord's second best trousers.
"Ah," said the stranger, "that would be telling. Fancy a fill-up?"
He aimed the device at my glass. Within two seconds it was brimming with whisky. I tasted it.
"Thats fantastic! Whats that thing?"
My voice betrayed my unease. Into what dark realm of the human soul was this mild-mannered stranger taking me? I looked around. The pub was comfortably familiar. The clock was twenty minutes fast. All was normal. Then I saw his face looking at me, reflected in a brass bedpan hanging from the ceiling. My heart leaped a beat and my toes curled up in my stout walking boots.
"Its quite simple," he murmered, flicking the remains of a pork scratching from his immaculate teeth, "I just send my beer back in time. Then I can drink it all over again..."
The silence was broken by the barman. "Last orders! Come on - drink up!" His words hung in the air like the washing on a convent clothes line.
As I watched the stranger for his reaction, I suddenly knew what he would do. A bead of sweat worked its way down my backbone and rested in the waistband of my 'Grateful Dead World Tour 1963' underpants.
As if in a dream i watched the man point the glowing device at the barman.
"Alright, opening time. Who's for serving?"
I reeled. Was I going mad? I looked around. The pub was still as it always was. The parrot slept as before, occasionally calling out in its sleep, "Get ready. The world is coming to an end!" The landlord's dog sat behind the bar and scratched a place that other Landlord's dogs cannot reach.
The silence was palpable. "Is this some kind of trick?" My question bounced off the wall like a rubber duck in a hurricane.
"No trick. Observe." He pointed the iridescent gizmo at a baldman in the corner. I gripped the bar till my knuckles went white as a bowls player's trousers. the bald man was now the possessor of a full head of hair...
"Here, let me buy you a drink," I said.
The stranger smiled. "Thank you."
I bought him a pint. He downed it in one. I realised the machine was pointing at me.
"Let me buy you a drink," I said.
The stranger smiled. "Thank you."
I bought him a pint. There was something wrong somewhere, but I couldnt put my finger on it. He downed the pint. The time machine was pointing at me.
"Let me buy you a drink," I said.
"Thank you."
It began to filter through to me what was happening. I was in a time loop. I would go on buying drinks forever. I had to distract him.
"What else does this thing do?"
My question split the silence like a blunt axe. He pointed it at an attractive girl who was playing darts.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm sending her back to last night."
Her trouser suit had disappeared. She was now wearing a black nightdress. Several regulars applauded. Something gnawed at the pit of my stomach.
I turned. The machine was pointing at me yet again.
"Let me buy you a drink..."
I was powerless to stifle the words. These were the trappings of a nightmare. My mind was wading through glue.
"Thank you," he murmered.
A new thought bubbled to the surface of my struggling consciousness. I had to have that machine! With a shudder I knew I would kill to possess it!
"I dont suppose you'd consider selling it, would you?"
My words hung in the waiting air like... words hanging in the waiting air...
"Shall we say - ten thousand?" I dont even know who said it but the tacit agreement floated between us like an inflatable blancmange.
In a trance I wrote him a cheque, feeling the icy blast of my overdraft whistling down my shirtfront.
The stranger took the cheque, put it in his pocket and turned to leave.
"Havent you forgotten something?" My words cut the air like a guardsman's bayonet. I indicated the machine - still in his hand. His only reply was to point it at me yet again.
"I've never seen you in here before," I said.
The stranger smiled.
"Thats probably because I've never been here before."
It was good to see a new face in the old pub. "Let me buy you a drink," I said...
I think you all must have seen that ending coming like a bullet from a gun. If you even bothered to read down this far...
Not quite 85 chapters but its a start