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Date Posted: 23:00:28 07/14/02 Sun
Author: Cortez
Author Host/IP: ool-435200f3.dyn.optonline.net / 67.82.0.243
Subject: Reid, Be afraid! Be very afraid

The scene opens up to the sound of laughter.Cortez is staring at a t.v. and is laughing insanely loud. Raheem is just staring at him with a confused and extremely angry look.

Cortez: Oh that was really good. I did not know that someone would want to have sex with a blow up doll as much as matt does.

Raheem chuckles a bit.

Cortez: Did you just... Hah nevermind. It really is mind boggling on how someone can do that.

Cortez starts laughing and goes into a closet and pulls out a blowup doll that looks strikingly similar to Matts' slut Grace.

Cortez: Look what I got! All the guys at the club has one and might I say Matt, You pick the best ones so I am told.

There is a knock at the door.

Cortez: I GOT IT! Oh it is you.

Ramadan: What do you you mean oh it is you?

Cortez: Oh nothing, I just thought it was someone important.

Ramadan: Who?

Cortez: The mailman.

Ramadan: O.k.

Raheem gets up and walks to the door.

Cortez: I suppose you want to come in Ram.

Ramadan: Yep.

Cortez: No.

Suddenly the mailman comes to the door.

Cortez: Yes!

Mailman: Here you go sir. Now if I could have your signature here please.

Cortez: Oh sure. Hold on.

Raheem proceeds to pick the mailman and throw him across the street.

Cortez: Thanks.

Cortez walks over to the sofa and pulls out a couple tapes from a bag. He then picks up the phone.

Cortez: Get me McDan Enterprises main office. I dont care if he is in a meeting. You will be meeting my fist if you dont put him on the line now!

The camera turns around to show Ramadan looking thru the video collection.

Ramadan: "retart moron on video"

Ramadan takes the video and goes to his limo. He pops the video in the vcr and watches as Matt Reid and his woman are kissing.

Ramadan: What in the bluest of blue hells is this crap? Some guy is talking about some loser that he beat and he thinks he can now just talk about anyone he wants. Man, The Ram does not even have to be mentioned in this candyass movie to realize that The Ram does not like, or even respect the "people" in this thing. YOU MATT REID ARE NOTHING TO CORTEZ AND WHEN HE GETS YOU IN THE RING, IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW MANY PORN MOVIES OR WHATEVER YOU WERE IN. BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT BE THE ONE GETTING ALL THE PLEASURE. THE PLEASURE WILL BE WHEN I SEE CORTEZ SLAP THE SPANISH INQUISITION ON YOUR CANDY ASS. THEN AFTER THAT, IF YOU ARE STILL BREATHING, I WILL PROCEED TO BEAT WHATEVER LIFE CORTEZ LEFT OUT OF YOU. YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT!

Meanwhile.....

Cortez: Ho hum. Look Raheem, I know you are always angry but, you should at least try to loosen up just a teensey, weensey, bit you know.

Raheem just snarls at Cortez.

Cortez: Oh well. Lost cause. Anywho, I was just thinking.

Cortez goes over to the phone and dials the same number as before.

Cortez: Well.

Person on phone: Hold on please.

Cortez just sighs and some really crappy music starts playing. Revenge by Papa Roach is the song that is playing.

Cortez: What the hell....

McDan: Hello?

Cortez: Hello sir.

McDan: Ah, Cortez. How are you doing in the tournament for the title. You know, one of my companies supplied the gold for the title. A mere cup of change to me seeing is how I am a multi-infinitiare. Ha Ha!

Cortez: Yes, yes, I know all of that. I am doing great in this weak tournament. It really shouldn't surprise anyone that I am in the final 8. I will win and that is that.

McDan: Who is your next victim.

Cortez: Some jackass named Matt Reid.

McDan: Matt Reid? For some reason I recognize that name. What else does he do beside lose?

Cortez: Well I think he is in some porn movie or something.

McDan: Thats it! He was in some movies that one of my companies directed. I believe the name of the most popular one was "Matt Gets Jakked" or something. I think the male ages 18 to 34 sales were about 18 million. I guess the other person in the movie did really good.

Cortez: That is alot of loot for one movie. I guess Matt is good for one thing after all. What was the name of the other person in the movie?

McDan: Jack, I believe was the name.

Cortez: That was the name of the girl? Not to kinky.

McDan: I never said it was a girl.

Cortez: What?

McDan: I guess you did not know that one of my many companies runs, I am sorry to say, homosexual porn.

Cortez: Really? I had a feeling that he was trying to hide something. All he does is kiss or touch that girl he is with. Maybe she is really a guy too. Probably.


McDan: Look, I gotta fire 1,000 people from a plant which is the only thing keeping a town alive.

Cortez: Always trying to make a quick buck.

McDan: I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll talk to you later.

Cortez: Bye.

Suddenly Ramadan walks in the door and starts yelling at Cortez.

Ramadan: GOD DAMN YOU BETTER WHIP THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF THIS CANDYASS! I DONT WANT HIM TO GET UP AT THE END OF THE MATCH!

Cortez: Hold on. First, you walk in my house and start yelling at me. Second, what do you care if I kill him or beat him within an inch of his worthless, crap full life?

Ramadan: I really dont know. I just dont like this guy.

The bell rings again.

Cortez: What now!

Cortez runs over to the door and opens it. The same postman from before gives Cortez another package.

Postman: Sir I am sorry for before but if you could just...

Raheem passes by the door and the postman screams and runs away. Cortez closes the door only to hear the sound of a car screeching and a scream.

Cortez: What the hell?

Cortez looks out the door and sees that the postman got hit by a car.

Cortez: If only it was Reid.

Cortez opens the package and it is another video.

Cortez: Here we go again.

Raheem walks over to Ramadan and just stares at him.

Ramadan: Do you need something?

Raheem just flares his nostrils and walks to the table. Cortez puts the video in the vcr and watches as Matt and Grace are having breakfast.

Cortez: Well, lets see here. She cooks for him and herself(if the she is a she). And I have servants who do everything for me. Well, I guess someone has to be poor.

Cortez watches on.

Cortez: Hey Ram.

Ramadan: What?

Cortez: If you were from Spain, what would you be called?

Ramadan: A Spaniard. Why?

Cortez: I was just checking. Because according to this ass, I am a Spainard.

Ramadan: What did you say?

Cortez: A Spain-ard.

Ramadan: Damn he is dumb.

Cortez: Tell me something I do not know.

Cortez watches on. Ramadan comes over and watches some too.

Cortez: Guess what Ram.

Ramadan: What?

Cortez: We are in Spain right now.

Ramadan: I thought we were in L.A.

Cortez: No, no. Again the insightful professor Mr. Reid, says I live in Spain. So I must really love my job to fly to the arena every card from Spain.

Ramadan: Damn. He is STUPID. That is it I am mad now.

Cortez: Watch it gets better.

They watch as the two reach Six Flags.

Cortez: What the hell are they doing there?

Then when the gaurd tells them that parking costs 6 dollars, Grace starts doing sexual things to the gaurd.

Cortez: Well...

Then the gaurd dog starts licking the gaurd and the two get to park for free. Matt then gives Grace the mouthwash and the video ends.

Cortez: That was foul.

Ramadan: I am not sure, but doesn't that make Grace a six dollar whore if they used that to get in for free?

Cortez: Well at least we know the truth.

Ramadan: Look, I gotta go. Ill see you tomorrow.

Cortez: Hold on. I got one more question for you. Take this dictionary and look up the word jobber if it is in there.

Ramadan: It is.

Cortez: What does it say?

Ramadan: Something about a dealer.

Cortez: No, not that. What I am looking for is the wrestling definition. Nevermind. I'll tell you. What it is, I believe, is one who loses his matches everytime he fights.

Ramadan: Yep. I believe that is it.

Cortez: Anywho, my question is, if I am a jobber and I am undefeated, does that make any sense?

Ramadan: No.

Cortez: Well, for the third time, the retard has labeled me as the only undefeated jobber in the history of this sport. But, the funny thing is, I am undefeated right?

Ramadan: Yeah...

Cortez: If I am an undefeated jobber, what does that make Reid? Seeing is how he is at one win and one LOSS! GOD DAMN YOU ****ING MORON! DO YOU HAVE AN OUNCE OF INTELLIGENCE IN THAT HOT AIR BALLOON ON YOUR NECK? IF YOU DID YOU WOULD REALIZE YOU ARE NOT IN MY LEAGUE AND WILL NEVER BE. YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT BEING IN A PORN MOVIE, I GOT ONE YOU WILL REALLY LIKE! HOW ABOUT REID GETS HIS ASS KICKED BY THE BEST DAMN WRESTLER IN THIS LITTLE FED AND LIKES IT. I THINK YOU WILL ENJOY THAT, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WILL ENJOY WHOOPING YOUR STUPID, HOMOSEXUAL, HERMAPHRIDITE, DENDROPHELIAC, WHATEVER YOU ARE, ASS! AND DONT THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU **TCH. AFTER I BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FAGGOTT BOY(AND I EMPHASISE BOY)FRIEND, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO RELEASE SOME AGRESSION ON YOUR LITTLE SELF!

Ramadan then gets up and goes to the door.

Ramadan: REID,YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT!

The camera fades as Ramadan leaves and sounds of crashing and breaking glass come from behind.

Cortez: GOD DAMN I'M GOOD!!!!

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