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Date Posted: 00:48:11 09/27/00 Wed
Author: Lost Worlds
Subject: Hum de dum. Look who's back.

::The camera fades in on a local park. It is just turning fall, so you all know what that means! That's right! Leaves are falling to the earth as fast as vomit would fly from some drunk bastard's mouth. Whoo. I used a naughty word. Spank me, mommy. I've been a bad boy. Err-- Okay. ANYWAYS.. In the park, there are several kids seen running around, playing. Dogs are seen chasing frisbees, BBQ's are set up around the park, people are laying on grass smooching. You know. The typical scene. Well.. The camera pans to the right, and on a sidewalk is standing none other than Mister Lost Worlds! AAH! I thought Thunder Thighs ate him?! Bleck. Who knows? Anywho. Lost is standing on a sidewalk, with two little girls next to him, looking at the ground. Lost points to the ground and says something, and the girls giggle. You know, that high pitched, obnoxious, squeal. Makes my ears bleed every time I hear it. So, yeah. One of the girls throws a rock on the ground, then starts jumping on one foot. Wait a second.. I know what they're doing! Why, they're playing hop scotch! How fun! The girl finishes and turns around, facing Lost and the other girl. The second girl takes her turn, and finishes with ease. Now it's all up to Lost to show these little punks up. Lost starts jumping, but he lands on a rock and falls down, landing face first in a sandbox placed strategically next to the sidewalk. The girls bust up laughing, and Lost gets up, wiping off his face, almost in tears. He picks little pebbles out of his beard, and then walks over to the girls, who are still laughing::

Lost:You think that was funny?

::The girls don't say anything. They keep laughing, pointing at Lost. One of the girls whispers something to the other girl::

Lost:Oh, so now you aren't talking to me, 'eh? Well, what if I told you there was no Easter Bunny? What if I told you I shot Santa Claus out of the sky, and that's why you didn't get any Christmas presents?

::This has shut the girls up. Now they're the ones almost crying. Lost stands up straight, his chin up, chuckling to himself::

Lost:That's what you get, you meanie heads.

::Lost turns around and begins to walk away, but one of the girls tugs on his shirt. He turns around and looks at her::

Lost:Yes? May I help you?

::The girl doesn't say anything, but you know the old saying. Actions speak louder than words. She gives Lost a swift kick to the groin, and the two girls run away screaming and laughing, as Lost drops to the ground, holding his injured testicle. After writhing in pain for several minutes(it was kind of funny, now that I think about it..), Lost gets to his feet and coughs. Getting kicked in the nuts does that to you. He walks over to a light pole and leans up against it, trying to breathe. He finally regains his composure, and shouts in the direction the girls ran off in::

Lost:I'LL GET YOU, YOU LITTLE.. Uh.. PEOPLE!

::Lost doubles over and clutches his groin. He then stands all the way up, still holding it::

Lost:God damn.. Children are so violent nowadays.. I remember when I was a wee lad of six.. I never, EVER, kicked anyone in the nutsack. I knew it was a region that was not to be messed with, because I knew how much it hurt to be hit there. But kids today.. They could give a rats ass about respecting other's genitals. Especially the girls. They just don't know what it's like to have testicles crunched inside of you. It's a horrifying experience, and I guarantee, if it happened to them, they'd think twice before they kicked someone there again. Ugh.

::Lost rubs his crotch, and then removes his hand from it::

Lost:Okay. Now that I've gotten that cleared up, I guess I can introduce myself. Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you that do not know me, my name is Lost Worlds. And don't even try calling me stuff like "Dinosaur Man" or "Jurassic Park Sequel", or stupid stuff like that, because I've heard it all already. For those of you who know me, hello. I'm here again, and I'm expecting you to all kick my ass again, just because I am that damn bad. Erk.

::Two skateboards are heard in the distance. Lost looks around and sees what he is looking for. Two skaters ride past him, and he shouts at them::

Lost:WALK! IT'S QUIETER! STUPID SKATERS!

::The skaters obviously don't hear Lost because their frickin' skateboards are too loud to hear anything. I hate skateboards. My brother is a skater, and it annoys the Hell out of me. Anyways..::

Lost:Damn, I hate skaters. ANYWHO. So, yeah. For some reason, I was not informed by management that I had a match on October 4th. Way to go, guys. Now I'm not prepared, and I'm probably going to lose my first match back. That's really gonna look good on my resume. It'll read something like this-"Got hired by GWA, but lost first match and never recovered, going 0-90. Hire me!". Really frickin' fantastic. But hey. At least I've got a little time to prepare. And I also have time to strike fear into the hearts of my opponents. Hurrah. Okay, let's see.. Who do I face this week?

::Lost strokes his beard and looks up at the sky, thinking::

Lost:Aaah yes. Those little bitches Percy Snow and some other jerkoff who doesn't even bother to say anything. Silent assassin, I guess. What a loser. Well, at least one of my opponents has enough guts to come out and say something. I haven't heard him say anything about me, though. Mistake numero uno. Mister Snow, don't forget about me. I'll beat you up. Then what will your little GWA girlfriend think? "Oh my God, he kicked you in the ear! What happened to your finger? Will you be able to go tonight? I'm looking for some action." That's what I'd expect from someone like her. Whoo hah. I'm so smooth.

::Lost rubs his hand through his bright red hair::

Lost:Yeah. Well, since I'm tired(I really am), I'm going to wrap this up pretty quick here. Snow, you're gonna lose. And if you don't, then.. I guess you'll win. I guess. Okay, that's about all. Until next time, this is--

::Suddenly, two women walk up to Lost, holding purses::

Lost:Well hello, ladies. How may I help you?

::Lost looks behind them, and the two girls that he was playing hop scotch with are standing there, crying::

Lost:YOU!

::Lost rushes after the girls, but one of the women hits Lost in the face with her purse. Lost falls to the ground, almost unconcious, as the two women start beating on him::

Woman 1:This is what you get for making our girls cry!

Woman 2:And for cursing at them!

::The first woman gives Lost another kick to the groin, and Lost passes out from the pain. Ouch. The second woman puts Lost in a sleeper hold while laying on the ground. Legs and fists fly through the air as the camera starts fading out. The girls start laughing again as the camera fades completely out::

Note-One of these pictures will work. The other wont. Oh well.




Have a fun day, baznotch.

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