five years later -- AAH

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Date Posted: 20:40:47 12/05/07 Wed
Author: Zbigniew "Polik" Grabowski
Subject:

five years later

finding time between writing papers studying pondering running walking eating sleeping etc... i had the urge to see how my supposed "life" had progressed, obviously, google was the place to start. finding these posts was like stumbling into an old pit lined with broken bottles, at the bottom of which, was a forgotten heart, still pink and beating. This heart having grown roots into the fertile soil of so many calamities was turning slowly into a tree, and thus, losing its voice, began to spread its message to deaf ears. I wonder where we have all gone, and what happened to the sort of energy that made these things possible. looking back at my own state of mind i was in a fairly dark place, but then again, those were, and still are, dark times. What has changed now, is a feeling of hope, and a greater understanding that as Ray said, somewhere in the darkness shines a light. given the nature of light, i am not sure this is true, for it may verily be so that light is all permeating and everywhere at once. These thoughts aside I felt passion, anger and a bit stupid reading the shit I once held dear to my heart, and indeed sorry that i used so much energy getting mad at everybody and everything. I have volunteered, i have helped people, yet all the time i have felt that these sort of actions are bandaids on a wound much deeper than the surficial symptoms. This wound cuts to the core of humanity, deep into its soul, into the spirit, and I now believe that an active seeking of matters of personal purpose will lead us out of this darkness, politics and the otherwise material spheres are all relevant and necessary, but without an internalized transformation (or simply uncovering) of human nature, and the subsequent realization of global community and responsibility, we will be doomed. However, the idea that life as a whole is fucked is erroneous, there is always hope, there is always transformation, Nature, is a self correcting, self organizing system, i hope that maybe one day someone will look at this and take it more as an attempt to put forth a bead of positivity into a world i did much to inject anger into, as well as maybe, just maybe, opening a slight window to the beam of reality, of the experience of hope....

keep strong y'alllll,

p.s. id still fight to the death if it was necessary,

sellah

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