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Date Posted: 11:54:49 07/20/02 Sat
Author: gnossis
Subject: My "regression"

The “Regression”
I arrived exactly on time which is unusual given Atlanta morning traffic.
The person who was going to assist me with the regression is a Unity minister with years of experience in regressions—I will refer to him as J. It was the first time I had met him but he is highly regarded by people whose judgment I respect. He first asked me what I wanted to accomplish. I told him about my strong images of having been a Crusader and wondering about that. I said because there seemed to be a tie between the “Crusader experience” and present day physical manifestations and intellectual perspectives, I originally wanted to pursue that. But I decided that since what I was looking for was soul/spiritual development, I would go wherever I was taken. J. said that was probably what would happen anyway. He started with reassurances about my being in control, he was not, etc. but I said none were necessary. I was not the least bit apprehensive.
J. said the way had been paved by my angel. I said I was not certain that I had an angel and I was uncertain that there were such things. He said he had a strong image of my angel. He said though they are neither male nor female, my angel had a very powerful presence, almost masculine in nature. I did not say so, but if I had an angel, I probably would have preferred something female or one like the one in the movie Michael played by John Travolta. He went on to say that my angel told him that he/it had needed considerable strength and a sense of humor to protect me from all that I had gotten into. He said the angel’s sense of humor was like mine—dry, subtle. He also said the angel had informed him that I was a very old soul. I had entered this life with a high degree of spiritual development. Then we began the session. J. had me lie on a couch. He did the usual relaxation techniques; down the stairs, deeper and deeper. The whole time I felt like I was resisting a bit, though I really wanted the experience to be a success. He had me think about pleasurable experiences I had had as a child, moving back in time. Then he had me get on a train which took me racing back in time. I kept wondering if this was going to work since I had not reached the hypnotic depths or state of a previous hypnotic experience. Then the train stopped. I left the train and found myself on a platform. J. asked what I saw. I said there was total darkness. I think I was frightened/disappointed/something. J. told me to look at my feet and describe what I was wearing. I was wearing sandals. Then he asked about my clothing. I was wearing the uniform of a Roman soldier complete with helmet and a weapon—I don’t remember whether sword or spear, I think the latter. J. asked me why I was there. I said to kill Christians who were hiding in the catacombs. He asked me why I was going to kill them. I said that they were weak, they weakened the Empire. He asked how I knew that. I said I knew. I felt very powerful, strong; the Empire was powerful strong. As a soldier in the Empire it was my just to maintain the strength of the Empire. Then I encountered a group of the Christians. When they saw me, they huddled together. I thought in fear and probably protection. But then they stood tall and were shoulder to shoulder, perhaps arms linked, and I recognized a strength, a unity, bound by love and faith. I knew that their strength was greater than mine and I wanted to experience what they had. J. then moved me forward in time. I am still in uniform but now kneeling with my head bare. Jesus is standing in front of me, blessing and forgiving me. I have the sense that I did not kill anyone. J. moved me forward in time. I am wearing a cloak, made of some rough material like wool, brownish. I am in a large crowd of people who nearly cover several hillsides. I am some kind of “helper”/disciple—not clear what I am doing. But we are waiting for Jesus to speak to us. J. moved me forward in time. I am standing outside a cave. Jesus is outside the cave also. He seems elevated in some way, perhaps standing on a rock. He is saying that he has to leave. I had some sense of loss but knew that he had to leave. His leaving would make his message effective. Those of us who remained after he left would also gain a sense of power on our own and would no longer be so dependent upon him. We would be better able to carry on the message. J. asked me if I were ready to return. I said no. He moved me forward. I was dressed as before and setting out on some kind of journey. I was in a desert like area. I would travel and visit other places. I think I would teach or carry a message. J. asked if I were ready to return now. I said no. He moved me forward to just before my death. I was in an adobe type building sitting on a kind of bench. Children were around me. I don’t think they were my children. I was ready to die. The children would carry on. And I returned to the present.
I told J. it was hard to accept. I was not a Christian. I had been an agnostic for much of my life. At about age 9 I had rejected God because of the suffering I experienced personally and that I saw around me. I basically said: “if you can’t do a better job than you are, supposedly power as you are, I will make my own way through life, asking nothing of anyone.” By the time I was an adult, I had begun to doubt God’s existence. I felt sorry for those who believed in God because they were weak and needed something external to themselves to survive in the world.
I also knew, however, that something was missing in my life. I looked for what was missing in various places, mostly in my academic studies or interpersonal relationships. The path I eventually embarked upon was Buddhism and then Tao/Daoism. Then adding something from Hinduism, Jewish mysticism, Jungian theory, various New Age ideas. I also told J. I had spent my whole life refusing to kneel or bow before anyone or anything. I had at times been defiant and rebellious in the face of any kind of authority. I went on to say that this experience could have been something other than regression and all sorts of possibilities were popping into my mind. J. said that his suggestion was that I accept the experience without worrying about what it was. That I recognize that great power that each of us has. I said that power was a little unnerving to me. But I did recognize it. He said it usually is frightening at first.
Days later I am still thinking about all of the possible explanations for the experience. And I am thinking more about the meaning the experience has for me regardless of whether it was regression to a past life. The meaning is related to what I got from the astrological reading and what I get from the voices within.
Maybe I am bonkers. But I don’t mind. More later.

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