"Paiging for Answers" -- Charmed-Ph Fan Fiction Board

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Date Posted: 16:22:21 06/05/02 Wed
Author: Sadira Jewelsten
Subject: "Paiging for Answers"

Here's another Paige story!
I hope you like it!
Sadira!

"Paiging for Anawers"

Paige Kendall Mathews-Halliwell woke up feeling strangely irritated. It was like a wave of pain was threatening to engulf her, but she didn't know why. Then she looked on the calendar that was hanging on her wall and noticed the date. April 24, 2002. Looking at this date, her eyes filled stung with tears of pain and her heart filled with longing and desire for something she had lost twice. Her parents. Twice she had lost them. The first time when her biological parents gave her up at birth and then four years later when her adopted parents died in a fatal car crash. It wasn't fair. Why did that have to happen? And to her? These were the questions she asked herself every time April 24th came around. And sometimes when she was feeling bad. The only difference now was that she had two sisters who would be able to help her through the pain. But how was she going to tell them. It hurt to talk about it. It hurt not to talk about it. It hurt just to think about it. It just plain hurt.
As Paige heard Piper call upstairs, "Paige, honey are you awake?" She then heard Piper's footsteps on the stairs and soon her sister was standing in the doorway. "hey, come on sleepy head. It's almost eleven o' clock and I have made a fabulous breakfast if I do say so myself."
Paige cracked a smile and nodded. Then she sighed as she forced herself to get out of bed.
"Hey, is there something wrong?" Piper asked, sensing Paige's sudden mood change.
Paige shook her head.
"No. There's nothing."
"Are you sure?" Piper persisted.
"I'm positive," Paige said, her voice was a little irritated.
"Okay, just checking."
As Paige walked out of the room, Piper stopped her.
"Uh, Missy Paige, come back here."
This made Paige smile slightly and for a split seconds, she forgot about what day it was and why she felt so bad a second ago. Whenever Piper called her by her nickname or any one of her two sisters did for that matter, it made Paige feel good. It was cute and Paige grew to like it over the last few months. Now it had become second nature. Leo had even tried to call her it once, but she had made it clear that it was strickly a "sister" thing and Leo was NOT to call her it again.
He understood and respected this.
"Yeah?" Paige said as she turned around.
"Remember what I told you. No touching that potion until tonight. And no taking the Book of Shadows anywhere outside this Manor. Got it?"
Paige sighed and nodded.
"I know. You've only warned me about a billion times."
"Well I'll keep on warning you as many times as it takes for you to listen."
Paige sighed and glared at Piper. Sometimes she could be such a parent.
As Paige walked downstairs to the kitchen, she felt the pain and sadness return. Along with those feelings came ones of anger towards herself. Why hadn't she told Piper what was going on? Piper could have helped her.
Paige pondered over the fact of going back upstairs, but decided against it. Instead she wandered into the kitchen to find Phoebe and Kimberly eating breakfast. When Kimberly saw her auht, she jumped up from her seat and ran to give her a hug.
"Aunt Paige! Aunt Paige!" Kimberly said with excitement.
"Hey sweetie," Paige said as she picked her niece up and gave her a hug. "How's my favorite little girl?"
"Good," Kimberly said as she gave Paige a kiss good morning.
After Paige had put Kimberly down, she took a seat across from Phoebe.
"Hey hoeny," Phoebe said, looking up from her book. "Did you sleep all right?"
Paige shrugged.
"Sort of," Paige admitted.
"Sort of?" Phoebe asked, "Did you have a nightmare?"
"Not exactly," Paige said, not wanting to talk about what was really bothering her with Kimberly in the room.
"Well just remember, Missy Paige, if you need to talk I'm here." Phoebe smiled and gave Paige's shoulder a pat.
Paige nodded and smiled.
"Piper's right," Phoebe said after a couple minutes of silence. "That nicnkname does suti you."
Paige smiled.
"I know. I like it too."
"Me too!" Kimberly said, feeling a little left out.
"Eat up, sweteie," Phoebe told her daughter. "And when you're finished, you can go get dressed and then you and Aunt Paige can take a trip. The fast way."
Kimberly grinned and continued to finish her food. She knew what the fast way meant and she liked it.
After Kimberly was done eating, she went to get ready, leaving Paige and Phoebe alone in the kitchen.
"To tell you truth," Paige began, "I really don't feel up to taking a fast trip anywhere."
"Why not?" Phoebe asked. "Kimberly has been looking forward to this for a while."
"I know, but I just don't feel up to it right now. Is that okay?"
"Yeah. It's fine. Remember what I said!" Phoebe called after her sister as Paige retreated to the attic.
"I know," Paige said, her tone a little more gentler than before.

***************

A couple hours later, Kimberly was dressed and ready to go, but Paige was still not up to the trip.
"But why?" Kimberly asked her aunt.
"I'm just really tired, honey," Paige said honestly, not wanting to sound too grumpy.
"But you promised!" Kimberly whined. "You promised you would take me to the-"
"I know what I promised," Paige said irritatedly, "but sometimes grown-ups can't keep their promises. It's just something you're going to have to learn. Now go play or something. Just leave me alone for now."
Upset by the way her aunt had just reacted, Kimberly burst into tears and ran from the room.
Paige felt bad for Kimberly, but right now she had bigger problems. Much bigger than feeling guilty about an untaken ride across the sky as white shimmering dust.
As Paige tried to organize her thoughts, Phoebe came into the room with a still upset Kimberly in her arms.
"I'll be back soon, sweetie. I promise." She assured her daughter.
"No! Mommy, you can't leave. Please don't go." Kimberly said through her tears. "I don't want to stay with Aunt Paige. Please don't leave."
Phoebe sighed and sat on the couch across from Paige with Kimberly in her lap.
"Tell Mommy why you don't want me to leave," she said gently. "Did something happen between you and Aunt Paige?"
Kimberly nodded and through her tears she replied, "Sh-she yelled at me. She told me to leave her alone."
Phoebe nodded and looked at Paige with a look of confusion on her face.
"I'm sure she didn't mean it."
"Yes she did," Kimberly whimpered.
"Okay, all right, it's okay. Would you feel better if Aunt Piper watched you while Mommy goes to work?"
Kimberly nodded and let out a sob.
"Okay." Phoebe then got up and carried Kimberly out of the room in search of Piper. They found her in the attic. "Hey, can you do me a favor, sweetie?" Phoebe asked as she put a still crying Kimberly in Piper's arms after giving her daughter one last kiss and a hug.
"Sure. Aw, what's the matter, honey, huh?" Piper asked as she hugged her niece close. "Your Mommy will be back."
"Paige took her bad mood out on Kimberly and now she's scared to be around her."
"Aw, well I'm sure she didn't mean it." Piper said. Then she turned to Kimberly and said, "We're going to have fun. Let's go downstairs and I'll read you a book, okay?"
Kimberly nodded and hiccuped.
After Phoebe made sure the Kimberly would be okay, she left for the office.

**********

When Phoebe returned form work, she found Piper reading Kimberly a book. Kimberly seemed to be feeling better and she was even smiling a little. Phoebe quietly kissed her daughter hello and then went upstairs to change.
After she was done, she went to look for Paige. She found her sister in her room, writing in a book.
"Hey," Phoebe said gently as she came over and sat beside Paige. "How are you? Feeling any better?"
Paige shook her head.
"Not really." She admitted with a sigh.
"Well do you want to talk about it?" Phoebe asked once again.
"Talk about what?" Paige said. "There's nothing to talk about."
"Oh really? Well how about the fact that you so uncharacteristically yelled at your niece, making her scared to come hear you. And that you've been acting like you have your WPMS early this month. Now what's going on?"
Paige sighed and glared at Phoebe.
"I don't know okay. I'm sorry I yelled at her. I didn't mean to, I guess I just felt trapped."
"By what?" Phoebe asked, sensing she was now getting somewhere.
"Look, it's just been a very bad morning for me, okay? I don't know why everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay and what's wrong." Her voice was rising slightly.
"Because we care about you, silly," Phoebe said gently. "You're our sister. We love you."
"I know, and I appreciate it. But can you just do me a favor and leave-"
"-you alone?" Phoebe finished for her. "No. We can't. Or at least I can't. You're my sister, Paige. I care when you are hurting. When you're in pain, I'm in more pain because I see you hurting. Don't you understand? You are part of this family. And like it or not, you will always be a part of this family. Now please, just let me in a little."

Paige glared at Phoene and stormed out of the room.
"That went well," Piper said as she saw Paige breeze oast her and up the attic stairs.
Phoebe glared at her.

************

Paige stood in the attic and tried to think of what to do next. She needed help, but she didn't want to involve Piper or Phoebe just yet. She needed time to think about how to explain what was going on by herself before she told them. As she stood in the room, the Book of Shadows stared back at her.
"Well, it's only going to be for a little while. Book!" Paige said out loud. Instantly the book appeared in her hand. "Let the object of objection become but a dream as I cause the scene to be unseen." In an instant the book vanished from sight, but Paige could still feel it in her hands.

**********

Phoebe sighed as she stood in the hallway of the second floor trying to figure out what was wrong with Paige.
"Did you say something to her, Piper?"
"No. I didn't. I think something is eating at her."
"A demon?"
Piper laughed softly and shook her head.
"Phoebes, you need to get your head out of the underworld. No. I'm talking about inside. Eating her up emotionally. I can't put my finger on it though."
"Well I guess we'll just have to wait until she is ready to talk about whatever it is that's bothering her." Phoebe concluded with a sigh.
"I guess so," Piper agreed.
"Are you sure you didn't say anything to her in the last couple of days?"
"I'm sure," Piper said exasperatedly. "I've been a total angel."
Phoebe laughed.
"What was that for?" Piper asked, glaring at her younger sister.
"Nothing," Phoebe said quickly. "It's just that you haven't exactly been welcoming of Paige since she came back home."
Just then, Paige's footsteps could be heard on the stairs above. She ran past her issters who looked at her in concern, but didn't try and stop her. A few minutes later, they heard the front door to the Manor slam shut.
"She'll be back," Piper said, forgetting that she and Phoebe were in the middle of fighting.
Phoebe nodded in agreement.
"Well I'm going to go work on a spell to get rid of pesky white mice that keep coming in here after we eat."
"I don't think there's actually a spell for that, honey," Phoebe told Piper. "Although there is something that may help you. It's called a mouse trap."
Piper couldn't help but laugh at this.
"Come on, let's go check it out anyway," Piper said with a small smile.
Phoebe nodded.
"I'll be right there. I have to put Kimberly down for her nap."
"Okay. I'l lmet you in the attic," Piper said as she accended the staircase.
After Kimberly was saftely tucked in, Phoebe went to the attic to join Piper in her spell quest.
As Phoebe reached the bottom of the staircase and proceeded to go up, Piper came downstairs with a frown on her face.
"What's wrong?" Phoebe asked in concern. "Why aren't you upstairs setting up?"
"The book is gone," Piper announced simply. "The Book of Shadows is gone."
"You mean someone took it from the house?" Phoebe asked in disbelief.
Piper nodded.
"And I'll bet my life I know who it was too. I can't believe her. I told Paige just this morning not to do it and she went right ahead and disobeyed me."
"Piper, wait, let's not jump to any conclusions," Phoebe said rationially. "We don't know for a fact that Paige took it."
"Well who else do you think could have taken it?" Piper asked sarcastically. "Leo?"
Phoebe sighed.
"No. I'm just saying I don't want to accuse Paige and then find out that she didn't do it."
"Well, you know this is all your fault, don't you?" Piper asked, glaring at Phoebe.
"My fault?" Phoebe repeated. "How is it my fault?"
"You're the one who keeps giving Paige chance after chance. Saying she's the youngest and she needs to learn and she can't feel pressure from us. Well, it's time she starts learning some basic lessons of doing what she's told. And you should keep a better watch on her. You're the one who is around her the most."
"We are both around her," Phoebe said with a glare. "And let's not forget who totally tried to shut Paige out of our life when we first found out she was back."
"I was scared and a little unsure of the fact that the Power of Three was going to be restored. I didn't know what to think or how to react. Besides, that's all cleared up now. Paige and I are getting along. Don't you think we're getting along? I do."
Phoebe glared and heaved a sigh.
"It takes more than muffins to start bonding with a long lost sister, Piper." She told her sister firmly. "And like I said before, I don't want to accuse Paige and then find out later that she had nothing to do with it."
Piper sighed.
"I know, but I also know how she can be." Piper sighed then continued. "Paige is only nineteen. She needs a lot of help in learning how to be a withch. And she still has a LOT of learning to do."
"I won't argue with you there," Phoebe said with a sigh. "I think we al have a lot of learning to do. I"ll tell you what, you stay here in case she comes back and I'll go loo kfor her."
"Fine with me," Piper said as she headed for the stairs. "I'm gonna make some tea and try to relax."
"Good idea," Phoebe said with a slight smile. "You seem really stressed and you don't need stress. Especially when you have a little one on the way."
Piper nodded. She knew Phoebe was right and she also knew that her unborn daughter needed lots of care before she was brought into the world.

***************

Phoebe went to check on Kimberly, then headed back down to the living room. As she passed Paige's room, something told her to go inside. She entered her sister's bedroom and sat on her bed. As she gazed around the room, she spotted Paige's diary on the dresser. She got up and went over and picked it up. She had no idea that Paige had kept one. It was more like a thick notebook with dark blue lined writing paper than anything else, but nevertheless, the paper was written on. A large amount of it was used too.
As Phoebe flipped through the pages of the book, she spotted a date on the last page Paige had written on. It was that very morning.
Taking a deep breath, Phoebe read the entry to herself.

April 24, 2002

It's that time of year again. I wake up in my bedroom at the Manor and feel the pain and loneliness return. I can't tell Phoebe or Piper about it because I don't think they would understand how I feel. I know all three of us have suffered the loss of our mother, but they don't know what it's like to suffer the loss of two a mother and another set of parents. To be alone and feel so sad that you don't know why you're living. They don't know how the longing and the desire for what I lost twice eats away at me day after day. But today of all days is the worst. Especially since today is when it happened. I remember it like it was yesterday�.

As Phoebe read on, her eyes filled with tears and her heart ached for her younger sister. She also felt anger towards Piper. How could Piper be so mean? Paige was going through something much worse than any three of them could imagine. She was feeling the loss of not one parent but three. Phoebe couldn't imagine what that was like. She didn't want to imagine it.
As she finished reading the entry, she slipped the pink pen with the blue ink back in the notebook and set it back on the dresser where she had found it. She then got an idea.
"I'm going out for a while!" She called to Piper.
"Okay, honey! I'll see ya later."
With that, Phoebe grabbed her coat and left the Manor.

**************

"It's going to be okay, Tierzah," Paige was saying to a five year old girl as she lead her into her office. "I promise. I'm going to stay here until your Daddy comes."
Tierzah nodded and allowed Paige to pat her on the shoulder.
"Hey, Paige," Phoebe said as she came into the room, "can we talk?"
"Sure," Paige said as she handed Tierzah a stuffed animal and a book. "You sit tight here and I'll be right back, okay, sweetheart?"
Tierzah nodded, but she still looked scared.
"What is it?" Paige asked, her tone a little annoyed.
"Calm down, I just was wondering if you wanted to go to lunch?" Phoebe asked, trying to sound cheerful.
"I'm in the middle of a VERY important case," Paige said. "I can't leave."
"Well can't you get Amber or one of your other co-workers to help that little girl?"
Paige sighed.
"I'll see what I can do." She left the room and in a matter of five minutes was back with one of her friends. She explained to Tierzah that her friend Amy was going to stay with her.
Tierzah seemed okay with that.
After clearing her lunch time with Donnie, Paige and Phoebe left for the restaurant.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Paige asked as they sat in the brightly lit diner, waiting for their food.
"Nothing important," Phoebe said. "I just thought we could use some quality sister time away from the Manor. Just you and me."
"Oh. Okay." Paige said with a small smile. "I've been meaning to see if you wanted to do something too. Just the two of us, but every time I thought of asking you, something came up."
Phoebe nodded.
"I know what you mean." She said.
Just then, the waitress came with the food. As she set the plates in front of the sisters, Phoebe dug into hers like there was no tomorrow, but Paige held back.
"What's the matter, honey?" Phoebe asked. "Are you feeling okay?"
Paige nodded.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just thinking about the baby. Piper and Leo must be so excited."
Phoebe nodded in agreement.
"I know what you mean," Phoebe said. "I hope it's a girl."
Paige nodded.
"Me too. What do you think they'll name her?"
"Melinda," Phoebe said quickly, without thinking.
"How do you know?' Paige asked, surprised at Phoebe's quick response.
"Well Piper told me last night," Phoebe lied. "We were up late talking after you went to sleep and she told me what Leo and her decided to name the baby."
Paige nodded and continued to pick at her salad.
A few minutes later, Paige got up from the table.
"Will you excuse me for a sec? I have to run to the bathroom."
"Sure." Phoebe said as she finished eating her sandwhich. "Take your time."
Paige nodded and went in the direction of the ladies room, but she didn't go inside. After she was sure that nobody was looking she pointed to herself and whispered, "The Manor." In an instant she was back in the attic. As she sighed with relief, she placed the Book of Shadows back on the stand and dashed out of the room and down the stairs. She was almost home free when she ran into Piper literally.
"Sorry," Paige said honestly. "I'm in a hurry. There's a case at the office and my lunch break is nearly over."
"Freeze," Piper said, pointing a finger at her sister.
Paige froze in her tracks.
"Where have you been for the last two hours? Phoebe and I have been worried sick." Piper hten looked around the room and realized that Phoebe wasn't there. "Where is Phoebe anyway?"
"She's still at the restaurant," Paige replied, not realizing what she was saying.
"Restaurant?" Piper asked. "What restaurant?"
"She met me at work and we went out to lunch."
Piper nodded.
"Uh-huh, so explain something to me, Missy Paige. If Phoebe picked you up to go have lunch, what are you doing here? And more importantly, where is the Book of Shadows?"
Paige didn't answer either question. She didn't know what to say.
"Well�..?" Piper said expectantly. "I'm waiting."
"I took it," Paige said truthfully.
"I knew it!" Piper said with a glare. "I knew it."
"it wasn't like that," Paige said desperately. "I didn't take it to use it to help my friends at work or anyone else for that matter. I took it to help myself."
"Which you could have done up in the attic," Piper said hotly. "You know very well that the Book of Shadows does not leave this house under any circumstances. I've told you and Phoebe has told you about a million times."
"I know," Paige said softly. "I know."
"No you don't know because it seems like whatever we say you do the opposite."
"That's not true and you know it," Paige said with a glare. Now she was getting mad.
"Oh it isn't," Piper said evenly. "Then tell me why you insist on stealing the Book of Shadows whenever you feel like you need it?"
"I didn't' STEAL it!" Paige said exasperatedly.
"Borrowed, stealed. The point is you took it and you didn't tell anyone. You know, Paige, there are certain things you have to learn in order to be a good witch and to be a part of this family. And in order for you to learn them, you need to grow up a little."
"Grow up?" Paige asked, her tone rising. "Ha! I don't think I'm the one who needs to grow up Piper Halliwell. I think it's you."
"I think you are quite mistaken, little sister." Piper said with a glare.
Paige glared at Piper evenly. Neither of them said anything to each other for many minutes.

**************

Phoebe sat in the restaurant, wondering what had become of Paige. She had been gone now for almost forty-five minutes. Resolving on the spot to check where she had gotten off to, Phoebe paid for both of their meals and headed back to the Manor.
As Phoebe entered, she heard shouts coming from the second floor hallway.
"It's not my fault that Grams split us up and you didn't see me for almost six and a half years. I didn't ask for that to happen."
"I didn't say you did," Piper shot back. "But you could have at least given me a chance to teach you the ropes before you took it upon yourself to try to do magic on your own. That's how you get into trouble. That's how you get all three of us into trouble."
"I said I was sorry," Paige said, her voice cracking a little. "Why can't you accept that?"
"Because you don't mean it," Piper said. "You say one thing and do another. You're never going to learn if you keep being stubborn and don't learn how to do things the right way. Like I said before you need to really need to grow up. And a little attitude change wouldn't hurt either. You've been acting weird all day and it's not like you."
"Well excuse me if today has been a little hard for me," Paige said with a glare. "I didn't ask for it to be that way."
"Well it would help if you let me in a little," Piper said, her tone a little softer. "I am your sister."
"Well you certainly haven't been acting like it lately," Paige retorted.
"All right that's it," Phoebe said as she walked into the hallway. "You," she said, pointing to Paige, "calm down. And you," she pointed a finger at Piper. "Knock it off."
"What did I do?" Piper asked, looking at Phoebe as if she was nuts. "I was just pointing out that Paige has to change a couple of thins that's all. It wans't like I was calling her names or anything. And anyway, why should I knock it off? Paige needs to grow up."
"Would you stop saying that already?!" Paige said, her voice was rising and she sounded like she was going to cry.
"No I won't," Piper said. "its' the truth and another thing, you have to learn how to stand on your own two feet. Phoehbe won't always be there to protect you."
"I've been standing on my own two feet since I was four years old. I don't have a problem with that. I've been alone for most of my life." With that, she ran out of the room in tears.
Phoebe glared at Piper as she sat down on the couch across from her older sister.
"Now look what you've done," Phoebe said sharply. "You shouldn't have done that."
"Shouldn't have done what?" Pipe asked. "Tell her the truth. She needs to change her ways, Phoebe. She can't leep doing this and think she's going to get away with it. That's not what being a Charmed One is all about. It's about working together."
"That's funny you say that," Phoebe said with a laugh. "You've haven't exactly been spreading the spirit of teamwork."
"Don't give me that crap Phoebe." Piper said firmly. "I have so."
"If you ask me, you're the one who needs to grow up. You need to grow up and be the oldest sister. You need to stop being the instigator."
At this, Piper didn't know what to say. She knew Phoebe spoke the truth, but she didn't want to hear it right now.
"And for your information, Paige has been acting strangely because today is the anniversary of her parents death."
This got Piper's attention. Her mood totally changed and she even looked apologetic.
"Oh my gosh. I-I feel like such an ass hole," Piper said truthfully. "I can't believe I was so mean to her."
Phoebe nodded.
"Well, think next time." With that, she left the room to go check on Paige. She found her sister sitting in the attic with her chin in her hands. She looked like she had been crying.
"Hey," Phoebe said softly. "Do you want some company?"
Paige looked up and managed a weak smile. "Sure. And thanks for bailing me out down there."
Phoebe nodded as she sat down beside her sister.
"Any time."
"And just for the record," Paige said, her voice cracking with every word, "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. It's just today is a bad day for me. It's always been really hard."
"I know," Phoebe said as she put her arm around Paige. "I know."
"I just can't believe it," Paige said as she started to cry. "I can't believe I lost two sets of parents. It's just unbelieveable. Sometimes I think that maybe they gave me up because I was bad or something. Why else would a mother and a father give up their only daughter?" Now she was crying harder than ever.
Phoebe just sat there and hugged Paige, trying to sooth her the best way she could.
"And then I lost you guys and it was like I was all alone." She continued to sob as Phoebe stroked her hair.
"Shh," she soothed. "It's okay, honey. It's okay." She continued to comfort Paige for many minutes.
It was at least ten minutes later, before she glanced up to see Piper standing in front of her.
"I'm sorry," Piper said sincerely as she got on Paige's other side. "I am so sorry. I had not idea."
"It just hurts," Paige said through her tears as more tears came. "It hurts to talk about it, it hurts to think about it. It just hurts to know that it happened and that I couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't fair!"
"I know," Piper soothed as she put a hand on Paige's shoulder. "it's okay, sweetie. It's going to be okay. It will get better. I promise."
Paige nodded, but she couldn't bring herself to believe Piper. At least not right then.

THE END

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