| Subject: You Can't Go Home Again-Part 3 |
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Grandma JAG
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Date Posted: 20:08:37 11/02/02 Sat
Part 3
19 October 2002
Grande Colonial ballroom
La Jolla, California
Harm and Mac strolled into the ballroom, punctual as usual. Harm didn’t want to make a grand entrance. He preferred to see Susan before she saw him, so he could prepare himself.
Harm had never seen Mac look more beautiful. She wore a royal blue dress, high at the neck, but backless to the waist. It was gathered at her tiny waist, and flowed down in a full skirt to the middle of her calves. She wore high heels, which put her past his shoulder. They made a stunning couple as they entered the room, and many heads turned and smiled.
Deb stood by a table and waved to them as they entered. “I saved you a spot,” she said, enthusiastically. “And one for Susan and Mike, as well as the others from our ‘group.’”
Harm looked to where she pointed to a seat for Susan---one seat, right next to him. He gulped and said, curiously, “Why only one seat for Susan? I thought her husband was coming with her.”
Deb replied, “Their youngest came down with the flu late last night, so Dan is staying with her. He insisted that Susan come without him. She arrived this afternoon.” Deb looked around the room, as if looking for her. Suddenly, she spotted Susan entering the room, and beckoned for her to come over to the table.
Harm looked toward the door to see who Deb was waving to. Suddenly he saw her, and it was as if time stood still.
Susan still looked the same. Her shoulder length sandy brown hair was now streaked and cut short and stylish. She had put on a little weight, but then hadn’t they all? She still had that little bounce when she walked, and still lit up the room with her beautiful smile. Harm held his breath as she walked toward them.
“Hello, Harm,” she said, awkwardly leaning forward to give him a hug. Smelling the scent of her hair and perfume brought back a flood of memories as Harm smiled and greeted her in return. He held out her chair for her and quickly sat in his own and turned to face her. Mac stood next to her chair, and realizing that he had forgotten she existed, sat down to listen to their conversation.
“How are you, Susan?” Harm began, making small talk. “I’m sorry your husband was unable to make it.”
“I’m doing just fine, Harm,” Susan answered. “Meghan, our 10 year old, was up all night with the stomach flu, so Dan decided to stay home with her. I’m sure it’s just a 24-hour bug. How are you? Still flying tomcats?”
“Occasionally,” Harm smiled, weakly. “I suffered a crash several years ago---I’m sure you heard about that----and thought my flying days were over. So I went to law school and now work as a senior officer in the Judge Advocate General’s office in Washington, D.C. I had surgery on my eyes a couple of years ago and tried to return to flying, but was already too old to catch up with the others, so it was pretty much a dead-end as far as career promotions went.”
“I’m so sorry,” Susan said, sympathetically. “I know how much flying meant to you.”
“Oh, I still keep my hours up, and every now and then I get to fly an exciting mission.” Harm decided to shift the conversation. “But what about you? I hear your oldest boy is thinking about the academy.”
Susan glanced over at Deb, wondering just how much her friend had told him. “Yes, that’s right. Dylan wants to be a pilot like his dad. And unlike his dad, he’s decided that the military is the best way to achieve that goal.”
“Can’t say that I blame him,” Harm responded.
“Well, at least I know what to expect this time,” Susan said, laughing.
“Listen if there’s anything I can do--if you’d like me to e-mail him and let him know what to expect------,” Harm felt like he was rambling now.
“Thanks, Harm, but Dan flies with a lot of guys who are academy grads, so Dylan has plenty of resources. More than he’d like, actually.” Susan looked over toward Mac, who was listening intently to their conversation.
“Of course,” Harm said, embarrassed. Suddenly he remembered Mac sitting on the other side of him and turned to introduce her.
“Oh, sorry Mac. Susan, this is Sarah MacKenzie. Sarah, this is Susan Kramer, uh, sorry I don’t know your married name,” Harm said, totally flustered.
“Aberdeen, Susan Aberdeen. Nice to meet you, Sarah.” Susan reached out her hand to shake Mac’s as Mac responded in like fashion.
“Uh, can I get you two girls a drink?” Harm asked, suddenly anxious to escape for a few moments.
“Sure, I’ll have a glass of white wine,” Susan smiled, not sure why Harm was becoming so flustered.
“And I’ll have mineral water with a twist of lemon,” replied Mac, looking at Harm with her most seductive smile, making him even more flustered as he got up from his seat and went over to the bar.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Susan finally asked Mac, “So, how long have you known Harm?”
“Six years,” replied Mac. Seeing the surprised look on Susan’s face, she laughed. “Oh, it’s not what you think. He’s my partner.” Susan still looked confused, so Mac quickly continued. “I’m a colonel in the Marine Corps, and a lawyer, as well. We work together at JAG. We’ve actually been working on a case out at Miramar this week, which is why we’re here.”
“And is it part of your official duties to accompany him to a high school reunion?” asked Susan, slightly amused.
“Well, we’re friends, too, as well as coworkers,” Mac responded, starting to get flustered herself. “In the six years we’ve worked together, we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well. We’ve had to rely on each other in some pretty dangerous situations. When we’re not in the courtroom, we’re doing investigations, that sometimes take us into precarious areas of the world, like last spring when we were in Afghanistan.” Mac shuttered as she recalled their most recent experience overseas.
Susan watched Harm’s partner intently, and couldn’t help but notice the way Mac looked over at Harm as she was talking about their relationship. She decided to try and find out more. “So, Harm never married, did he?”
Mac looked at Susan to see if there was any bitterness or anger there. No, it looked like an innocent question about someone she had cared about long ago. “No, he never did,” Mac answered, somberly. “I guess he just never found the right woman.”
“So, Sarah, would you like to be more than just friends with Harm?” Susan asked, candidly.
Mac was surprised at this woman’s assertiveness, but for some reason, she felt that it was okay to confide in her. “We’ve never quite gotten past the friendship stage, although we’ve approached it several times. We’ve just never worked it out,” Mac said, sadly.
“Well, one thing I learned the hard way, is that Harm needs a lot of time and a lot of space. He needs to do things in his own time and on his terms. Just wait for him, Sarah, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” Susan reached out and touched Mac’s arm tenderly, and quickly added as Harm approached, “My mistake was that I was too young to know that. I didn’t wait for him.”
Just then Harm returned with their drinks. “Sorry that took so long. I got intercepted by a group of guys from the football team who had heard about my race with the missile.”
Mac teased, “And so, of course, you had to tell them the whole story!”
“Of course!” Harm replied, to which Susan asked what they were talking about. As Harm turned to her and started relaying the sequence of events, Mac decided to dig into the salad that had been served in front of her.
She had just taken her first bite when a voice on the other side of her said, “Hello, beautiful!”
Startled because no one had called her that since Mic left, she looked up, only to see Mike laughing down at her. “Not sure who it was calling you beautiful, eh?” He sat down beside her and starting eating, as well. “Sorry I’m late. I had to deal with that nasty sunburn I got today while we were riding.” He winced as he touched his shoulder.
“I told you that you shouldn’t take your shirt off,” Mac reprimanded him.
“Hey, it’s October! Who would have thought it would be so warm out today? Blasted Indian summer, or global warming, or whatever it is.” Mike continued to eat his salad hungrily, and happily eyed the main course being set down before them.
“I think it’s El Nino,” Mac teased. Seeing that Mike didn’t know what she was talking about, she waved him off. “Never mind.”
Mac had found all day that trying to have a good natured banter with Mike was nothing like her teasing with Harm. Mike was a nice guy, but not very intelligent, and most of the time he couldn’t tell if she was serious or not. So she decided to give up trying, and wait until she and Harm were back together at work. She really enjoyed the time they spent together. She looked back over at Harm and Susan, and seeing that they were now talking about the “good ole days’, decided to focus her attention on the chicken cordon bleu in front of her. Maybe if she kept eating, she wouldn’t have to carry on a conversation with Mike.
At least Harm seemed to have relaxed. It was good--- him seeing Susan again, Mac told herself, wasn’t it? But what if seeing her again rekindled their relationship? Nonsense, Mac argued with herself. Susan is happily married with three kids! So----other women have done stupider things! Mac decided that this argument with herself was nonproductive, so she turned once again to Mike, to see what brilliant topic they could find to talk about.
“Hey, beautiful, wanna dance?” asked Mike, seeing that Mac was finished with her dinner.
“Sure, why not?” Mac figured she might as well. She couldn’t stand sitting there being ignored by Harm. After all, it had been her idea for him to come, hadn’t it? Deal with it, marine! she ordered herself.
Seeing Mac getting up to dance with Mike, Harm decided to ask Susan to dance, as well. So far, they had kept the conversation light, so he thought that maybe while dancing, he could finally apologize for treating her so badly.
Dancing with Susan brought back memories of the prom, so they danced in silence for a few moments. Susan finally broke the silence. “You’re being very quiet, sailor. What are you thinking about?”
“I was just remembering the prom.” Harm smiled at the memory and looked down at his former girlfriend. “Susan, all these years I’ve regretted the way I treated you after I went away to the academy. I was so self-confident in so many things, but when it came to women-----I was, and still am, so...... so...... lacking in intelligence! I think I must have been absent the day they passed out that part of the brain.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it, Harm,” Susan said, gently. “We’ve all done things we regret. But it’s all in the past. Yes, I was hurt and confused, but I got over it, and I got over you. I met Dan in college and we’ve had a wonderful life together. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything right now! You were my first love, Harm, and you’ll always have a special place in my heart. But I’m very happy with where I am in my life right now. And I want you to be, too.”
“What makes you think I’m not?” Harm said, looking over at Mac dancing with Mike.
Susan followed his gaze. “I may not have seen you for 20 years, Harm, but I know you. Something is missing in your life, and I think you’re afraid to admit it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harm was getting very uncomfortable with this conversation.
“Harm, you’ve always been very career oriented, but you also used to talk about having a wife and children. What are you waiting for? If you wait for the perfect circumstance, you run the risk of never finding happiness with that other person. Sarah seems like a wonderful person, and I can tell that there is a spark between you two that shouldn’t be denied.” Susan was never one to mince words, and she wasn’t about to start now.
“You’re right,” Harm said, half to himself. “It’s time.” For a moment, Mac glanced over at Harm and their eyes met. Harm felt a tingle go down his spine at the sight of those chocolate-brown eyes.
“Well then, you might want to give her this.” Susan held out Harm’s class ring.
“You still have it after all these years?” Harm was amazed.
“I could never bring myself to throw it away. I always hoped that someday we might have this conversation so I could give it back to you and so we could have closure on our relationship.” Susan pressed the ring into Harm’s hand as the music stopped. She leaned up to give him a quick peck on the cheek and said, “Good-bye, Harmon Rabb. I’ll never forget you.” And she ran off to a circle of girlfriends she hadn’t seen in awhile.
Harm turned to find himself standing next to Mac. “Where’s your boyfriend?” he teased.
“If you’re referring to your buddy Mike, some guys hauled him off to join some card game in the corner,” Mac answered, lightheartedly.
The music started again, so Harm politely bowed and said, “Well, in that case, may I have this dance?”
Mac curtsied, and answered in her best Scarlett O’Hara imitation, “Well fiddle-dee-dee, sir, it would be mah pleasure!”
Harm took her in his arms, and Mac shuttered at the feel of his hand on her bare back. “Cold?” Harm asked.
“No, just a brief draft or something,” Mac replied. “So, how was your talk with Susan?”
“It was good, Mac. You were right about me coming and getting closure. I hadn’t realized how much I had buried it. I never knew how to deal with it, so I just ignored my feelings of inadequacy and hoped they would go away. Unfortunately, they didn’t, and I now see that all my problems with commitment are probably all tied into my relationship with Susan and how it ended. She forgave me a long time ago, Mac, and moved on with her life. She’s very happy with her life, and I’m very happy for her.”
“And what about you?” Mac dared to ask the next question. “Are you still in love with her?”
“Is anyone really in love in high school?” Harm replied, softly. “I think I’m in love with the memory more than anything else. We’re both different people now, and it’s time I close the book on this memory.” Harm paused and thought about what he wanted to say next. “You know that old saying, ‘You can’t go home again’?” Mac looked up at him and nodded, wondering what he was getting at. “Well, it’s true. You can never go back, because too much has changed. Things will never be the same as they were before.”
Harm continued. He wanted to get all of this said before the song was over. “You said that maybe we could go back to the beginning, and I was happy that you felt that way. But don’t you see? We can’t go back to the beginning of our relationship, because too much has changed. We’ve been through too much together, and have felt so many different feelings toward each other, that we can never start over again.”
What was he saying, thought Mac. Is he about to tell me that we can’t even work together anymore?
“No, the only thing we can do is start at the beginning of a new relationship. A different relationship. We’ve been so afraid that if we took the next step that we would risk our friendship. But it doesn’t have to be that way, don’t you see, Mac? I’ve talked to lots of guys this weekend who married their best friend, and it has worked out great! We won’t be risking our friendship, we’ll just be building on it.”
That said, Harm took a deep breath and took out his class ring. “I want you to have this.”
Not knowing what to say, Mac said, laughing, “Does this mean we’re going steady?”
“If you’ll have me,” Harm said seriously. “This will have to do until I can get one that is more appropriate.” As the music stopped, he leaned over to kiss the one true love of his life.
“Aw, man, 20 years later and I’m still losing to you, Rabb!” Harm looked up to see Mike pouting.
“Yes, you have, Anderson. But this is the last time. Because I’ve finally come to my senses,” Harm said, referring to the words of Mac’s song the night before.
“You *did* hear my song last night!” Mac exclaimed.
“Every word. But the song was only partially right. Not only *will* it be you, but it *is* you and it *has* been you for quite awhile.” Harm looked deep into Mac’s eyes, and she blushed, realizing that he knew that she had chosen that song especially for him.
“Hey, what do you say we skip the picnic tomorrow and I take you home to meet my mom?” Harm asked, cheerily.
“Harm, I’ve met your mom before,” Mac replied, quizzically.
“Yes, but never as my steady girl.” Harm smiled his heart-melting smile, and Mac vowed that as long as she lived, she would never get tired of seeing that smile. Because now she knew that his smile was for her--- only for her.
“It’s a warm night out, how about a walk on the beach?” Mac slid Harm’s ring onto the index finger of her left hand and put her arm through his.
“You got it, marine!” Harm and Mac walked toward the exit, saying their farewells as they went. Susan was standing in the corner with her group of old girlfriends as Harm passed by. Not saying a word, he gave her a smile and a quick wink. She returned with a smile of her own and subtly blew him a kiss.
As they walked toward the sandy beach, Harm realized that at his next reunion he would have different stories to tell, but more importantly, pictures to share and a wife by his side.
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