| Subject: Part 5--conclusion |
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CQ
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Date Posted: 13:33:49 07/21/02 Sun
In reply to:
CQ
's message, "Part 4" on 13:32:30 07/21/02 Sun
Part 16
Six months later
Harm’s POV
Coming in the front door, I sigh. It’s been another long day of work. Days like this I wonder why I ever wanted a command position… But now my little bundle of energy is racing toward me and I feel a smile begin to spread across my face.
“Daddy!” she yells as she hurtles herself into my waiting arms. “Guess what Melanie and I did today!”
“I don’t know Bethy, what did you do?”
“Girl stuff!” she announces gleefully. “We played with dollies and stuff like that. It was fun Daddy!”
“I bet it was honey,” I say with a smile. Turning to Melanie, I hand her the check for the week. “Thanks Melanie, we’ll see you on Monday?” I ask.
“Yep,” she replies and hurries out the door. She knows she isn’t needed once I get home.
“So what do you want for supper Bethy?” Friday night is her night to pick, with only minimal guidance from me. It’s always an interesting meal.
“Macaroni and cheese!” she declares promptly.
I breathe an inward sigh of relief as I pull the box out of the cupboard. This is definitely mild compared to what she usually requests—peanut butter and jelly bean sandwiches, to name one off the top of my head.
A few hours later, dinner is done and Bethy is struggling against sleep in my arms as we watch Beauty and the Beast. “I wanna see them kiss,” she whispers sleepily as I shift to pick her up and carry her to bed. “I like the kissing part.” So we wait five minutes more, and then I tuck my little girl in bed.
This is the part of the evening I used to hate the most—after Bethy’s asleep, but before I go to bed. Those first few months I hated to be left alone to my thoughts for any period of time, and anytime I was, I’d bury myself in the paperwork I’d brought home from the office.
But recently, the pain of losing Jess has been fading, and I’ve been thinking about what she said just before she died. I know she was right, there’s always been a part of my heart that I only let Sarah into.
Sarah… where’d that come from? I haven’t called her that since the funeral. Maybe it’s time. Picking up the phone I make a quick phone call.
“Hello?” a female voice answers.
“Harriet, this is Harm. Could you watch Bethy tomorrow night? I have something I need to do,” I ask.
“Sure Harm, what time do you want to bring her by?”
“Could she eat dinner with you? And then I’ll pick her up by 21:00,” I propose.
“That’s sounds good. We’ll except to see you around 17:00 then,” she says.
“Thanks Harriet, I’ll see then.”
After hanging up, it hits me… I’m really going to do this. I’m going to give Sarah and I a chance.
Sarah Mackenzie’s apartment,
17:30 Saturday
Mac’s POV
The knock at the door startles me. I’ve been jumpy ever since Harm called earlier and asked if he could come over tonight to talk. Since he’s been back, our friendship has gotten back to where it used to be, and I’m wondering if he’s thinking what I’m thinking… that it’s time to put the past behind us.
I open the door and there he is. Well duh, who’d you think it would be, the Fuller brush man, I chastise myself. “Hello Harm,” I say, surprised at how calm I sound.
“Hello Sarah,” he replies. There. He did it again. He called me Sarah on the phone too, that was what’s been making me so jumpy. But this time, seeing the look in his eyes as he says it… excitement begins to unfurl in the pit of my stomach. Yes, it’s time.
“Have a seat,” I tell him once I’ve found my voice again. That’s what it does to me when he calls me Sarah and looks at me like that… it makes me speechless. I certainly hope he doesn’t do that all evening, because I’ve got a few things to say before I let him completely off the hook.
“Thanks,” he says and sits down on the couch. I take a seat on the couch as well, but on the other end. I need to be clearheaded if we’re about the have the conversation I think we’re about to have.
For a few minutes we just look at each other, each trying to guess what’s going on in the other’s mind. Finally he begins to talk. “Do you know why I wanted to talk to you Sarah?” he asks.
He did it again. Taking a breath, I reply, “I think so Harm, but if you want me to be sure, you need to tell me.” There. I let him know I knew but I didn’t let him off the hook without saying it. That was my goal.
Oh boy. His eyes have turned that color of blue they get when he’s thinking about us, the color that reminds me of the deepest part of the ocean on a clear day… Pay attention Mac! He’s starting to talk!
“Sarah… I never forgot you,” he says simply. With those words, he does the one thing no other man has ever done to me—he takes my breath away.
I look him in the eye and realize he’s waiting for a response, and I know it’s my turn.
Part 17
Same place, immediately after
Harm’s POV
Nervously, I look her in the eye. Well, she doesn’t look mad, that’s something, I try to reassure myself. Actually, she doesn’t really look anything… that could be a bad thing. I open my mouth up to speak, but she holds her hand up. “I want to go first Harm,” she says firmly.
Uh oh, that doesn’t sound promising. You can take it Harm… she’s talking now.
“Harm… I need to know something. What do you think I’ve been doing these last five, almost six years?”
Huh? This was not a question I expected, and believe me I went over a list so I’d have answers ready. I haven’t studied that hard since finals at the Academy. “I… uh… being a Marine?” I stumble for an answer.
She smiles slightly, so at least I know I’m not saying something awful. “Funny Harm… I mean do you think I’ve been waiting here in this apartment, praying for you to come back to me? Because if you think that I’ve lain awake at night thinking only of you and that your being here is the only thing I need then you need to turn around and walk out that door.”
Suddenly I understand the question, and it’s one I know how to answer. “No Mac,” I begin, purposely using her nickname so she knows I remember the tough Marine as well as the tenderhearted woman, “I don’t think you’ve been pining over me. I think you’re a strong, independent woman who has enjoyed her career and her friends, and who doesn’t need a man to complete her. I know you haven’t seen anyone seriously, although you’ve dated, but I never thought it was because you were nursing a broken heart.”
I must have said the right thing, because she’s smiling at me. I’ve missed those smiles… they used to light up my life, oh who am I kidding? They still do.
Focus Harm, she’s talking again. “Well then Harm, I think I can safely tell you that I never forgot you either.” Without realizing it, I reach out for her and pull her into my arms. Just before my lips settle on hers, I whisper, “I love you Sarah.”
Part 18
2 months later
The end to another long week, Harm though to himself as he walked toward the elevator. The office was silent except for two female voices coming from the opposite direction.
“Yeah, but did you see how quickly she snapped him up?” one asked.
“Well I heard that the Colonel was in love with him before he got married and has just been waiting for him all these years,” the other replied as they rounded the corner and came face to face with Harm. Chagrined, the both saluted him as the elevator arrived. He nodded in acknowledgement and they all stepped inside.
The two j.g.’s looked at each other nervously as they rode down to ground level, waiting for Harm to say something. When they got off and he was still silent, they breathed a sigh of relief. Then without turning around to face them, Harm said, “Lieutenants, if you’re smart, you’ll never let me hear you talking about a senior officer’s private life behind her back again, are we clear?”
“Yes sir!” they exclaimed and scurried to their vehicles.
As Harm drove home, their words were still echoing in his mind. Is that what people are saying about us? he wondered. Maybe it was a little too easy… These thoughts were bothering him all evening, even when he and Mac were eating dinner at her place.
Finally Mac had had enough. “Ok Harm, what’s wrong?” she asked in frustration after he muttered a one word answer to another of her questions.
“Nothing’s wrong Mac,” he said with a strained smile.
“I’ve known you too long to buy that Harm. You’ve been ignoring me all evening, something’s bothering you. Now either spill it, or go home and sort through it.”
Harm stood from the table and for a moment, Mac thought he was going to leave, but then he sat down on the couch and looked over at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Looking over at Mac, he said, “Ok, I’ll try to talk about it, but it’s still pretty jumbled in my mind, so be patient with me.” Taking in her nod, he began.
“Today as I was leaving work, I heard a couple junior officers discussing our relationship. I don’t know exactly how the conversation started, but the part I overheard was when they said that we’d gotten together pretty quickly after I got here, and that must be because you were waiting for me all these years. Now I know you’ve said that isn’t true, and I believe you,” he said, cutting off her objection.
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked, confused.
“I’m not sure, that’s the part I’m still working through. I guess to begin with it bothers me that people are saying things like that about you because of me. And then I suppose there’s the part of me that wonders how I managed to be so lucky that in 5 years, not one of the men you dated realized how wonderful you are.”
“Who said they didn’t?” Mac replied.
“But then why…”
“Because I wasn’t about to settle. I was ready to do that once, but after I learned what it means to love someone I refused to take anything less than the real thing. I never fell in love with any of those men I dated, or I would have married them and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
“If I’d had half a brain six years ago, we wouldn’t have to be having this conversation,” Harm said ruefully.
“Don’t Harm,” Mac said quietly.
“Don’t what? Apologize for being stupid?”
“Don’t kick yourself for something you can’t change. Besides, I told you then that I forgave you, and I meant it.”
“How could you let me off the hook so easily Mac?” he questioned intently.
She looked him in the eye and then looked away as she gathered her thoughts. Now we’re getting to the heart of it, she realized as she turned back to him.
“I didn’t Harm. It wasn’t easy at all. When I read your letter, I was so mad at you I wanted to scream. Here I was, in love with a married man, and I’d just found out he loved me too. Not only that, but he’d suspected that maybe I returned his feelings before he got married and he chose not to say anything. It seemed so unfair of you to wait to say something until there was no way we could do anything about it.
“I was still mad at you when I wrote my reply, but I knew I had to let you know or you would obsess about it, and that would cause problems between you and Jess—that was the last thing I wanted. So I left the note on your desk, and watched for your reaction.
“It wasn’t until I saw the look in your eyes after you read it that I forgave you. You were devastated Harm… I realized then that even though I was hurt and mad, and with reason, you were hurting too. I chose to let the consequences of your actions be enough punishment, instead making you suffer under my bitterness and anger. Besides, once you left, the only person my bitterness would hurt would be me.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah,” he said after she’d been quiet for a moment.
“Harm, it’s over. We don’t need to talk about it, and you don’t need to apologize for it. Besides, you’re not the only one who did something stupid to our relationship. Or have you forgotten that I was engaged to another man?”
“But you didn’t get married,” Harm protested.
“Not through a lack of trying on my part. After that evening on the Admiral’s porch, I should have gone inside and told Mic it was over. I knew then that I didn’t love him enough to marry him, but I was holding out for a declaration from you.”
“I couldn’t Mac… I couldn’t say anything more than I did, not while you were engaged to another man.”
“I know that now, I realized that after your engagement party. And when I read your letter and I wondered why you hadn’t said anything then, I was forced to realize that when I was in the same situation, I hadn’t. And don’t try to tell me it’s different Harmon Rabb, because you know it isn’t.”
“Ok, I promise I won’t hate myself for this if you promise to give me a swift kick in the rear if I ever start acting that stupid again,” Harm proposed with a smile.
“Oh, I don’t plan on waiting until you get that stupid Harm… I’ll be kicking you way before then!” she teased.
Part 19
August, 2009
Harm’s POV
My palms are sweating. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous. I pull the ring out of my pocket and kneel in front of her. She’s looking down at me with wide eyes… does she know what I’m planning to do?
“Hi Daddy!” she says brightly.
“Hey Bethy,” I reply. “Do you know what this is?” I ask her, opening the box and showing her the ring.
“Oh!! That’s pretty Daddy, is it for me?”
I have to laugh at that, although the part of me that wants my little girl to stay mine forever winces at the knowledge that someday, it will be for her. “No sweetheart, this is for Sarah,” I tell her.
“Why are you giving Sarah a present?”
I can hear the confusion in her voice, and I take a deep breath as I begin the most important closing argument I’ve ever given. “Because I like her. You like her too, right?”
“Uh huh… she’s a nice lady.”
Good. That makes this a little easier… not that I was really worried, Sarah is great with kids and Bethy really seems taken with her. But sometimes you never know. Now for the hard part.
“That’s right, she is a nice lady. Bethy, what would you think if I asked her to come live with us?”
Her brow wrinkles as she considers this. “Why?” she asks finally.
Oh brother… how do you explain love and marriage to a five year old? Especially one whose mother has been dead long enough that the memories of our relationship are fading in her mind? All I can do is try…
“Well, I love her,” I begin and then she cuts in.
“You mean like Ariel loved Eric in The Little Mermaid?” she asks.
God bless Walt Disney! Grabbing onto the lifeline my daughter has just thrown me, I continue on. “That’s right honey. Do you remember what happened at the end of the movie?”
“Her daddy gave Ariel legs so she could live with Eric,” she answers promptly. Then looking at me curiously, she asks, “Doesn’t Sarah already have legs?”
Laughing again, I hug her and finish my explanation. “Yes she does have legs. But when she went to live with Eric, they got married. That’s what two grown-ups do when they love each other and want to live together.”
“Oh… so you’re going to give Sarah the pretty gift so she’ll marry you? Won’t she marry you without the gift?”
Smiling, I say, “Well of course she would Bethy, but the ring let’s everyone else know that we love Sarah and want her to come live with us. Is that ok with you?”
“Sure Daddy. Can I go play now?” she asks impatiently.
“Go ahead honey. Melanie will be here in a few minutes, and then Sarah and I are going out ok? I’ll come in to say good night when I get home,” I promise as she races off.
As I walk into Mac’s building, I shake my head in disbelief. I thought I was nervous before, but that was nothing compared to how I feel now! I’m pretty sure she’ll say yes, but you never know! We have talked about “the future” as we put it though, and even though we never used the word marriage, I’m pretty sure she knows that’s what I have in mind.
Ok. I’ve made it to her door, now I just need to knock. Anyway, she’s expecting me so it’s not like the curiosity is going to start from the beginning!
“Hello Harm, you’re on time for a change,” she teases as she opens the door. Of course I am, even I know better than to be late on a day like today. Of course she doesn’t know what tonight is… I’m doing it again, letting my mind run away with me.
“Yeah, it happens sometimes,” I manage to say in response. “You look beautiful, Sarah.” And she does. She’s wearing a casual dress, sleeveless in deference to the weather we’ve been having.
I’ve been debating for the last month over how to do this. My first thought was to take her up in “Sarah” and have a picnic, but then I thought that might be a reminder of how flying once came between us, although I don’t think she’s ever had a problem with “Sarah.” And then there’s our first disastrous trip up… no, “Sarah” is out.
Then I thought we could go out for a nice dinner, etc… but I really didn’t want to do something so tried and true. Plus, I want this to be different from Jess.
I have to admit skywriting crossed my mind, but I know she’d kill me if I did that.
And so I settled for simple… and surprising, I hope. (Actually I have to admit my biggest goal was to not be waiting all evening.) Following her into her apartment, I notice that she has dinner on the table. That’s my cue. Just as she turns to tell me to take a seat, I pull the box out of my pocket and get down on one knee. From the look on her face, I think I succeeded in at least surprising her.
“Sarah, I’ve been in love with you for almost 10 years now. I’d tell you exactly how long, but I’m sure you’d correct me on the hours and minutes.” I pause for a moment to grin at her… good, she’s smiling back.
“Over those years, there have been a lot of things that have kept us apart, but the love we have always brought us back together. Now it’s time to let that same love keep us together. Sarah Mackenzie, will you marry me?”
Nervously I look up at her… she’s crying. That should make me more nervous, but I know Mac, and those are not sad tears. After a few minutes, she decides to put me out of my misery. “Yes Harm, I’ll marry you,” she says and slides the ring onto her finger. And then somehow she’s pulling me upright and we’re kissing, and all I can think is that I finally got it right.
Part 20
October, 2009
Mac’s POV
I’m ready to elope. All this wedding planning stuff is just getting to be a bit much. I know that it was my idea to have a formal wedding, but I just didn’t remember how much went into it.
Harm was a bit surprised when I told him I wanted the classic church wedding. “I thought you wanted to get married on a hillside with no witnesses but God and the butterflies,” he asked, confused. I was touched that he remembered that after all this time—after all, that was something I said, or rather Mic said, when we were engaged eight years ago.
I don’t really know why I feel differently this time; maybe it’s because I love Harm in a way I didn’t Mic, or maybe I want our wedding to be something Bethy can be involved in. She was so excited when I asked her if she wanted to be the flower girl. However on days like this, when I’ve called three florists and two invitation companies, I get really tempted to book us two tickets on the next flight to Vegas.
“Snap out of it Sarah,” I mumble to myself after I finalize the floral arrangements. It’s just two more months until you’ll be Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Jr. and then it will all be worth it.” Hm. I’ve almost convinced myself… Too bad I don’t have United on speed dial.
Part 21
December 19, 2009
Harm’s POV
I wish I knew how long I’ve been standing up here. The last time I did this, Mac was here to ask, but I definitely like it better this way.
I can’t believe this is finally happening. Sarah and I are getting married in approximately three minutes. Life doesn’t get any better than this. With a slight smile, I remember all the responses we got when we announced our engagement. Everyone was ecstatic—I thought poor Harriet was going to hyperventilate she was so happy. And of course, they all felt it was their duty to point out that it was about time.
The music’s beginning. Standing a little taller, I wait for my first sight of her. She’ll be walking alone today. I remember what she said about that. “Harm, I’m over 40 and I’ve been through 1.5 weddings. I don’t need someone to give me away, and I’d feel pretty silly about it.” Then I see her, and I remember nothing.
She’s a vision. Her simple white gown fits her like a glove, the satin glistening in the candlelight. It’s her eyes that hold my attention though. Her eyes have always held the key to her heart, and today they mirror the love and excitement I feel as she approaches me. Placing her hand in mine, we turn to face the minister.
I have to admit I’m really not paying attention to a word he’s saying. I’m focused solely on this woman by my side and all she means to me. However, when she pokes me in the side, I realize it’s my turn to talk. “I do,” I reply to the laughter of our friends. And then she echoes my words, a hint of laughter in her voice as well. That’s fine, I don’t care if the whole world laughs at me today.
“Harmon and Sarah have chosen to write their own vows,” the minister announces and all attention is again focused on me. This time I know what I’m supposed to say though.
“Sarah, I can never tell you how much I love you, there simply aren’t enough words. However, I can promise to show you each and every day for the rest of our lives. I will show you in simple actions, like doing the dishes and picking up milk on the way home from work. I will also show you in larger actions, such as taking you out on special days and being there when you need me. I promise that for the rest of my life, I will not let a single day go by without letting you know how much I love you, respect you, and adore you. You are my life.”
I can see the tears shimmering in her eyes, and before I can stop myself, my fingertips are brushing them away. She leans slightly into my gentle caress and then begins to speak.
“Harm, I love you, but I can promise you that we will fight. Always before I have run from personal conflict in my life—if not physically, then I withdrew emotionally. In marrying you, I am promising that I will not do that. You are my rock, the one that I can count on when things get rough, and I promise to trust you, love you, and cherish you and only you for the rest of our lives.”
Now I’m the one with tears in my eyes, but the minister is saying it’s time for the rings. Placing the ring on her finger, I slide it up to join the engagement ring and say, “With this ring, I thee wed, with this body, I thee worship, and all my worldly goods I thee endow.” Then she takes my hand in hers and I feel the coolness of my wedding band slide onto my finger and there’s a sudden roaring in my ears.. I look into her eyes and I see her lips move, but I can’t hear the words.
Then the moment is over and I hear the minister say, “I now pronounce you husband and wife… you may kiss the bride.” I’m glad I didn’t miss that, or my friends really would have laughed, I think to myself as I place my lips on hers. Then all thought ceases and everyone disappears, and it’s just her and I. Finally I register Bud’s embarrassed muttering behind me, and I cut the kiss short. Taking her by the arm, I face the crowd and the minister says, “It is my pleasure to present to you for the very first time, Captain and Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Jr.”
Epilogue
The reception went by in a blur. Just before they left, Grandma Sarah took Sarah aside and pressed something into her hand. Looking down, Mac smiled slightly. It was the letter. “So you remember the story of how your love began,” Gram said and gave her a hug.
Harm and Mac both kept their vows to each other. He went out of his way each day to show her his love, and on days when life got in the way, she didn’t withdraw. They had two more children, plus Bethy of course, and died within days of each other after 55 years of marriage. Their friends and family saw to it that they were buried under a joint tombstone which simply stated, “They never forgot.”
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