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Date Posted: 13:38:53 05/11/08 Sun
Author: angela
Subject: looking for job description of a mom
A long time ago on here, I believe, not sure where but I seen someone that had a poem, alittle lenghty about a job decripton of a mom. It was talking about actual job description and rather funny. Does anyone have a copy to send to me?
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- angela, 14:13:20 05/11/08 Sun [1]
Ok, after looking through the archives, I found 2. Can someone come up with a bookmark for both of these?
THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep laughing and I'll 'give' you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS.
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- Don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are many less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My mother taught me CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS.
"I just scrubbed that floor. Go outside and bleed in the entry."
My Mother taught me LOGIC.
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD.
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE.
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! ... Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My mother taught me ABOUT SEX.
"How do you think you got here?"
My mother taught me about GENETICS.
"You are just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE.
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when we get home."
And my all time favorite thing -- JUSTICE.
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU ... then you'll see what it's like."
THANKS, MOM!
The other is:
MOM - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality! by of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
thanks so much!
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- -Cougar1, 15:14:27 05/11/08 Sun [1]
This is the one I have:
Job Title
A woman named Emily, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is,"
explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a ?" Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother." We don't list 'mother' as an occupation... 'Housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply;
I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?), I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I
could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just anothermother."Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a
title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts " Associate Research Assistants."
Now Mothers, Grandmothers, & Aunts, you should be delighted with your "new" position in life!
How about them apples???
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- angela, 16:13:10 05/11/08 Sun [1]
I like that too!!!!!!!!!
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- Doreen, 02:55:57 05/12/08 Mon [1]
Hi Angela I wish I could help with the bookmarks but there is too much in any of these to put in such a limited space.
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- angela, 09:06:22 05/12/08 Mon [1]
You know Doreen, I was just thinking that too. And this is a little font too. Oh well, atleast I could share something for once, heehee.
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- Carmelita, 10:10:05 05/12/08 Mon [1]
Here's another MOM one for you.
MOM
An affectionate
female parent,
sometimes mistaken as
chef, maid, chauffeur,
teacher, nurse or
activities director.
Carmen
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- Doreen, 16:14:34 05/12/08 Mon [1]
That's great Carmen, you have mail.
Angela I have designed a bookmark for you, please email me.
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- Carol Klee, 01:57:57 05/13/08 Tue [1]
Angela, This is one that my Mom used to sing when we were kids. You will find it at:
http://www.irish-cream.com/poem.html
Don't know if it's one you want but it will look nice on a bookmark.
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- angela, 11:58:43 05/13/08 Tue [1]
Oh Carol, that is very cute! Thanks for sharing.
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Re: looking for job description of a mom -- angela, 12:01:51 05/13/08 Tue [1]
Carmen, just wanted to let you know, that so sounds like me!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
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