Still more time has passed -- New Zealand Sugar Farms

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 14:24:23 07/29/03 Tue
Author: Puppy
Subject: Still more time has passed

Sunshine,
I know you don't read this. I don't put much up here. So much has changed. I love you. I really do. The dream of ever having you is gone. I know that will never be, there will never be enough to push you the way to make that a possibility. It was hard when that died for me, because that was what kept me going through the ouches and tough times. Thinking there may be a light at the end of all of this ... where I would get who and what I really wanted. But that cannot be. You will never allow that to be. And I so wish that were not the case, I so wish you would feel the frustration of being so close and just in that direction ... knowing it is worth the chance, knowing that the other way isn't what you want from life. I so wish that, but I know that is not who you are, or how you would be. And you being you is far more important to me then me being happy. So now I have a new dream, a new dream that I really would be enough to make you happy. That if all the other situational stuff were gone, and we really could just be us at all times, that you would be happy with me. Happy because of me, happy about me. And I am holding that dream to help me through the pain of watching another man love you, but not as much or as well as I could. Of watching another man raise a family with you, kiss you when you get home every night. While all I can do is watch. The pain of watching you struggle with having a 3rd child with the man, and knowing you will eventually do it because it is what he wants, and what your children want. And that them being happy will be better for you than either of us being happy. And I fear that you will push me away because of all this being "not fair to me" ... which I could never bear. If it was because the pain of being so close but so far was too much for you, I could understand that, and even go along with that ... because I would do anything to make you happy, even if it meant I could not be there to see it. But I could never be okay with you pushing me away for my own good, becuase that would truely destroy the feeling you really know and understand me .... which means so much to me. ANyway, enough rambling. I love you sunshine ... and dream that I would have been enough for you to be happy.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]