Author:
BY: Dingleberry Kerry
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 13:16:25 06/04/04 Fri
In reply to:
"thrill" bill clinton
's message, "My autobiography" on 13:06:40 06/04/04 Fri
i was born in an army hospital so the chow line was long and the food was with out spices. man i love home cooking.
ahhhhhh my family was from massachusetts where originally there were only some 15 colonists. lots of inbreeding keeps the blood line pure and the mind sharp.
my grandparents were from china/boston where opium was where it's at. man, i was proud of my drug dealing family. i bet we smuggled in more little chinese men and drugs than kia.
we were smart though, we invested it in legit businesses like railroads. my family had LOTS of money to spend on things like personality implants and long winded speech lessons.
i was born into a jewish family but raised catholic cuz we needed a little controversy in the bedroom.
i myself was an altar boy, so i have tendencies to sing in high pitches and fondle little children in prayer.
i also have french in me which may explain my hypocrisy in foreign policy and the need to talk tough and lose every battle.
i am related to roosevelt, coolridge and bush. we are all one big happy family. imagine that, we get together in secret for christmas and have a big laugh at the public's expense.
i went to yale, where i was invited to join a secret club. we had these really great handshakes and discussed really deep topics such as who was going to which panty raid and which presidential girlfriend we wanted to bang.
i actually met kennedy, and dated jackie o's sister for a while. we had the really good party with marilyn once where she was the donkey and we pinned her with our tails.
i decided to join the military, and after a year was finally shipped to vietnam in a chinese paper lantern.
i spent my first tour on a boat deep in the heart of nowhere where i saw lots of action between the navy sailors.
my second tour was more lively, and i actually signed up on swift boats right before they were in combat so i could spend my time filing my nails.
little did i know that the military actually expected soldiers to fight in the war.
i thought it was just an ugly rumor.
i single handedly rescued the president, the green berets, and all of the innocent vietcong soldiers.
i took shrapnel in my arm, my leg, my posterior, and finally my brain where it does most of my thinking for me now days depending on the satelite feed that bounces off of it.
i received lots of medals so i guess now i must resemble the terminator only with more body mass.
too bad they didn't award me a sense of humor.
i decided to protest everything from the vietnam war to the treatment of houseflies.
i am liberal and i favor sex with trash bags.
i gave speeches where i accused some vets of committing horrible crimes which the military embassador jane fonda helped to raise money for.
i later recanted them saying that gepetto, the puppet master, made me do it.
i want to rid the world of the imperial americans and give everything but my vast family fortunes to communism and firecracker production.
i also take orders directly from the pope.
did you know he keeps a chamber maid under that robe?
i married my sugar momma who stands to inherit a lot of condiments. she has a great personality, all 12 of them.
she stands behind me except for when i fart.
she is vocal on her own issues, and man do rich women have issues.
i am currently living in the senate and i actually hold some title there, but it is of little consequence since the democrats are an endangered species now.
i may look like a republican, i may talk like a republican, and i may act like a republican but mark my words, what was the question?
i forgot my original answer.
now i am currently trying to run for president since i am tired of running from my wife's public speeches. bush doesn't have as much money as we do, so he must not be doing his job of tacking kick backs right.
plus that bastard never went to vietnam and got a boo boo.
i had to live with real bandaids for over several days. at least my dental records never magically went places i never did.
i was losing to dean until he opened his mouth and lost it, so i guess runner up president is better than nothing. oh well, you get what you pay for.
hillary is going to botch the whole thing if he keeps talking to the public about running as a third term president. of course the last time i actually conversed with the democrats was with ted kennedy at his little drinkie poo car party.
i hope to be living in the white house soon.
someone needs to be having sex in the oval office again.
bobbi
my ralph nader one to be published soon
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
|
Feedback: 