Author:
"thrill" bill clinton
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Date Posted: 13:06:40 06/04/04 Fri
In reply to:
george bush
's message, "My autobiography" on 13:02:17 06/04/04 Fri
when i was born, there was such a thing as integrity. of course i never had any so i didn't miss it much. my mom let me suckle till i was 30. mom had visitors now and then she called "uncle sam" who wore the most spectacular uniforms i ever saw. one time i remember "uncle sam" smoked a cigar and then put it in her mouth. i found that to be very artistic and classy. momma wore this blue dress that she says she would never burn because of sentimental reasons, but we don't mention mental reasons around her any more.
as i grew older, and the girls grew wiser, i learned to hone my tactics to a more refined form of trailer love. i had lots of famous relatives from the past, and apparently they too fancied a good romp with the cows. but enough about monica, let's talk money my other sexual partner. i knew that in order to get money i must go to school to get a degree and steal it legally. the best theives i knew were lawyers, and i met a fine example of one there in college. his name was hillary and he had the best looking unibrow i ever saw. i just knew i had to procreate with him and then spend the rest of my life chasing other women. now i find myself waking in the deep of night with terrors of my marriage. our love child will grow to admire the fine examples i have set with hillary in how to maintain control over your bitch.
then a little thing called vietnam started. first i had to put the funny cigarettes down so i could pack my stuff and run like a lumberjack to canada as fast as hillary could carry me. i had no intention of going to vietnam cuz let's face it, there are no fat white women there to plunder. plus i would not be making enough money to support my doughnut habit.
later, someone told me that i could get a gig playing my saxophone at a big mansion and get all the coochie i wanted. it was located in the middle of trailer park, usa. they called it arkansas, but i affectionately refer to it as
"poontang paradise". i was brave enough to look hillary in the face one morning as he began to introduce this scam called "white water" where we could trick other kinky couples into giving us their dough. man that makes me hungry. they called me governor but the ladies called me with a "restraining order".
then one day while hillary was shaving his chin, he thought about the possibility of "us" becoming president. so we gathered up the inlaws and outlaws and bought a ticket to pennsylvania avenue. the current occupant was some moron who wouldn't know his pecker if it fell off and slapped him. there we found lots of interns to "interrogate". some blast from my past who looked like barbara streisand started saying i forced her. she was just mad cuz hillary's strap on had a dead battery that day. jennifer flowers knew how to open her legs, and apparently her mouth cuz i thought she'd never shut up. she must have told everyone but the pope, who was waiting for his chance at her next.
finally there is this absurd rumor that i slept with some cow. as i swore under oath, monica was a nice girl who had really good breath. she reminded me of mom and she gave good phone. "i did not have sexual relations with that woman." i just stuck my pecker in every round opening i could find and i couldn't tell her from the hole in the wall. so to the best of my recollection, i never inhailed.
now that "we" are retired from the oval orifice, i spend my time in the hood chasing the colored honey. they still think i am running for president again and that really impresses the 80 year old women. i ran out of anyone my age or younger. plus when they are senial, they can't remember who groped them. no more testimony for me thanks. hillary now works in some office for some state he could give a rat's patootie about. my daughter will go on to join the cia where she can kill men at random while on the government payroll. then she will be pardoned as i did for so many of my fellow inmates. she will marry laura bush and they will have lots of bush in the family. man, that makes me hungry and horny.
bobbi
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