Everybody shut the fuck up!!! -- Darian's Friends

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Subject: Everybody shut the fuck up!!!

Author:
Matty...as dictated to Darian (italics is me)jibberish is M

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Date Posted: 20:37:01 07/26/05 Tue

OK...this first part is from me...and I am...who again? Fuckity...I'm confused by own board and all the voices in my head.

Now from Matty...(yep, Laura...another FUNNY, hot bad-ass!...yeah that was me again)

wait..this is easier...

Matty
Everybody shut the fuck up! I was easy on Halifax tonight...but (damn he talks faster than me) tomorrow...LOOK THE FUCK OUT!!! Whoooo!!! (no, really he whooo'd)

Darian
Ok...Hotty NY is screaming...wait...no...I wish I could take the credit...but...it's at Sportscenter...

Matty
Fuckin' Boston...motherfuckers..fuck... man, I have no idea what he's saying...ha!...Yankees coulda (um..not sure) taken the lead...tied for first place...bunch of slack jaw faggots (is it wrong that I find this waaaaaaay sexy? but nooooo...tampa bay...snaggle toothed ...(yeah...now just a reallly long and reaaaaaaaallllly loud montage of fuck fuck fuck...fag...fucks....are ya kiddin me?'s...can you believe this shit?(this is waaaaaay too much work...nah...Matty's worth it ...shit, Kar...stop working...I can't watch this shit anymore. Our fucking Yankees won but Tampa bay lost to the Red Sox ??? ???
Darian
Yeah...this is really sad. Two hottest Americans in my stang this afternoon (that's right, Cheeky...you A BIG BAD ASS AMERICAN NOW...welcome to the club!) cut to...Hottie hot Hali hot...talking air pressure with Laura (YO, Laura...that's from both of us!) and hottie hot NY hot...being totally ignored by me (damn phones...damn IMs...Damn e-mails...out damn spot!) is laughing swearing at the TV talking about a cop who drove into a building and a guy named Matt Clemenk who beaned somebody with a ball (huh?). Sure, now people in the biz start returning my calls. Just my fuckin (it's contagious...I MISS NY!)luck!

Matty
and to my boys in Cali. Me-here. You-there. WHETHER YOU LIKE IT...OR YOU DON'T LIKE IT...LEARN TO LOVE IT!!! (Wow...he's a looooooud one!) I told Kar and Chad...Cali ain't even gonna be there. I sense the big one coming. I feel a tremor in the forest (wow...again: HOT...why am I still typing?) I'll never hear the end of it from those fucks if you end up out there. Fuck, so they bomb buildings in NY (ha! he's right) big fuckin deal.

Darian
This is a crazy amount of work just to get to funny. Ha!

Matty
So stop working then! Fuck, Kar..(or was that?...oh, never mind...)

The man has an excelllent point! Um...wow...I'm lost. Matty says I'm a typing, talkin machine. OK...so ...

Chad...AWESOME FUCKING JOB TODAY!!! I am soooooo impressed. For real...and so are (ahem) you know who and you know who!) Check our darianandchad e-mail. Wow! Welcome to superstardom, baby. Couldn't happen to a better guy.

Laura...No one thinks you're real. OY Vey (note to you know who...huh? How's about that?!) We go through this daily. For the LAST FUCKING time...they're all real. Chad met Matty today...FINALLY...and I can vouch for Laura. And Shequille's inflatable sister...well, that's a given!

Cali Boys...I think Matty said it all.

You know who and you know who... YES!!! DONE and DONE...let the bidding begin, boys!!!

Mom and Dad (no, seriously) Happy 48th anniversary!!! Matty and Chad and I will be at the manor tomorrow night!

Mikey B... so much to tell you but sooooo tired... and there's a reaaaaaaaallllly cute NYer over here trying to get my attention. I'm crazy...but I'm not stupid so...

Matty...I'm done...Night everyone else...we are NOT answering so do NOT call.

Cogsy...KICKED ASS with the "other" Cali posse!

Snarf and Kel...OH yeah...You too!!! Major props all around. (Why am I getting all UPN again?)

Keep it tuned to The Darian and Chad Experience. It's gonna be quite the week!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox...all of us...if any of us are real!!! And if not...no one wake me cuz I likey this dream!!!!

Wow...I totally screwed up the italics so good luck trying to make sense of this. Wow...it's late...good night, Hali...good night, Cali...good night, John-Boy!!! Million dollar demo, D-team. Be proud of yourselves. When you guys bring it , you briiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng it!!!

D&M

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