| Subject: Re: Lori |
Author:
Kel
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Date Posted: 06:33:19 02/23/06 Thu
In reply to:
Lori
's message, "Re: Lori" on 05:32:49 02/23/06 Thu
Hi Lori, Thanks. I feel a little better. I was beginning to think maybe I don't belong here either. I can't figure out where I belong or which way to turn anymore. I KNOW this is not about ME. I know my daughter didn't to this to me, she did it to herself, but it is so hard not to take it personally.
We sent her to the rehab because we felt we had to. I could not bring her home, but as a mother, I didn't feel like I could throw her back to the wolves either. She agreed to go to rehab, but not because she hit rock bottom and decided she needed to get herself together, she went because after she got out of the detox center the hospital made her go to, she didn't have anywhere else to live. She was afraid to go back to her apartment because of some trouble she casused between two drug dealers. She felt they were going to kill her. It probably was the parinoia from the meth, but could have been more than that I really don't know. When we dropped her off at the rehab, the director asked her if she wanted to be there. Her responce was-I need to be here. The director asked her why, and she said-To get my head on straight. I hope and pray that she means it.
I am not stupid, I know that if she dosen't want to get clean and stay that way she won't. And here is the negitivity I think you were feeling from me---I EXPECT her to go back to her old life. Maybe not right away, but I think she will and I probably am wasting my money, time, and heartache. I expect this because that is the pattern with her. She always ends up doing things her way and not the right way. I hope and pray I am wrong, but how does that old saying go? Expect the worse-hope for the best? BUT....If she goes back, my consciouse (SW) can be clear, knowing we tried everything we possibly could think of to help her. And my young son is seeing everything that is going on. I don't want him to get older and ask why we didn't do all we could for his sister. Our other thought on it was, that this program is a christian based program. She is surrounded by good christian people, some are recovering addicts and some are not, but we hope that being around positive influences for so long, that something, anything, good will rub off.
Now, for the 100,000 dollar question of the day...what to do with her when she get out. This is the cause of all my tears and stress. I DON'T KNOW! I do know I don't ever want to live with her again. (at least that is how I feel right now) When she lived with us it was always, stressful, there was a lot of fighing, yelling and no peace. Not for any of us. Her and I have never gotten along. She does get along fine with her dad, but keep in mind she has him wrapped around her little finger. He's not stupid either, but does have a tendency to be very soft where she is concerned. I wish I knew what to do with her. No, I don't trust her enough to bring her home. This really eats me up and stresses me out. If you have ANY suggestions..please..I am willing to entertain any of them. She won't get out of there, if she completes the program for another year, but you would not believe how much I dwell on this. Just the thought of her coming here for the little earned trips out that they allow (once at 4 months into the program for 3 days and once at 6 months for 5 days) makes me cringe. What am I supposed to do?? If she earns it and truely is trying and needs the support of us bringing her here for her earned outing--I feel like I need to do it, but then what?? Do I have to take all the time off work to sit home with my 20 year old and babysit her? This has been a huge, argument between my husband and I as well. He thinks I am over reacting and negitive.
I didn't mean to jump on you, Lori. Your words sounded alot like my husband. I am trying but with no trust, a broken heart, and little support, it is so hard.
Thank you for listening and for setting me straight. You too can email me if you want. k_annkelly@yahoo.com thanks Kel
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