| Subject: Re: Finally admitted to it |
Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 19:39:39 03/01/07 Thu
In reply to:
Tammy
's message, "Re: Finally admitted to it" on 14:25:00 03/01/07 Thu
I am being very careful. The lines of communication are open and it is great that I am not the only one keeping them open. My guard is up really high, but it is what I have wanted for a long time. I feel strong enough that if it isn't real with him and I, that I could move on. I am doing really good and I will make sure no one steps on me or pulls me down. We actually talk and that is a good thing. As for our son. If it doesn't work with us, I do want him to see his son. My baby loves his daddy so much. I have not let him take him nor will I for awhile. It's not like I am going about this acting dumb. I speak my mind, let him know what I want and deserve, but even before I had anything to say, he was telling me he wants to show me how special I am. He is showing me and I am going to give him that chance. I did tell him that if he was going to step in, he had to step up. But I am also trying not to keep reminding him of what went wrong. He knows what went wrong cause he caused it. He said he wanted to let go of all those bad years and he will not live like that again ever with no one. He wants us to stand next to me in life not behind me and I know exactly what he means and I agree. I am staying positive cause I know he can do it, but I also know it is up to him to do it. I want to support him and I am not telling anyone in my family or my friends. We are working this out together without all the negative from people who know us and know what we have been through.
About your daughter. I am happy she is going to rehab. 30 days in is really good. Staying longer doesn't always mean that she will stay clean. Getting out after learning some valuable information about how to change and where to go now is really what she needs and she can get that in her 30 days but will need to continue after that if she feels she needs to. Or at least have an online group. I think online groups are better because you don't have to shy away if you did something you know you shouldn't have and be looked at with dissapointment. I only know one person who continued with the after care that is clean. The others I know that are clean just went on with their life and don't want the constant reminder of what they did and what they need to stay away from. So remember everyone is different and she may be ok when she comes home. Maybe a couple more months of NA or even AA cause basically it is to learn about yourself and life, etc etc. I will keep her in my prayers. She is making a huge step. What I have learned is that if you stand by them and support them in their decision, it needs to be in a positive way and not remind her of what she did in the past. Start over and if she doesn't make it, at least you know you were where for her and not putting her down. It's true what the Helpful Tips say about sometimes we can be doing something that is stopping the recovery or getting in the way. I know I got in the way before but the last time he got help, he got it on his own and I never went, just stayed out of it and let him do it on his own. I knew i couldn't do it for him and I wouldn't be any help. Now I feel like I can go through this and I will be fine.
I had met this guy not too long ago and I really fell for him. We got close, he told me alot of nice things, and told me things he wanted and it was exactly what I wanted. well I let my guard down and actually got hurt. I think that was a valuable lesson from GOD letting me know that I cannot let my guard down so quickly and that I had to remember my lessons. Maybe not speak them to everyone I meet, but just remember them so that I can take care of ME better. How naive I once was. I still am a bit, but I keep learning and I have no regrets although that guy made me feel stupid. But I have come to realize that he is the one that has issues cause I trusted from the start and when he broke that , I knew him like a book immediately. Kinda confusing, but I keep learning from my mistakes and hopefulyl I will not keep making those same mistakes.
Keeping me in your prayer as well. I will be praying for your family as soon as I log off here.
Heather
I know this is long but I had alot to say and alot to get out. No one knows that Spencer and I are talking except you all on here.
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