| Subject: When, and how, do I tell her the truth? |
Author:
Danielle
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Date Posted: 02:01:20 09/08/06 Fri
My niece's daughter (Jayd) has been in my custody through CPS for the last 13 months. (She turns 2 this month). Dad is in prison and won't be out for another 3 years. He has a criminal record - in more then out of prision for the last 18 years. Mom has refused to follow her case plan, refused inpatient rehab, counsling, drug tests, and missed about 70 percent of the visits scheduled with her daughter.
Three weeks from now we go back to court for severane - except mom is in jail (again)with a five thousand dollar cash only bond for fogery (looks like she will be getting prison too.) Long story short I will be adopting Jayd.
I do not want these people - Jayd's biological parents in our lives AT ALL in spite of the fact that bio-mom is my neiece. For all of you who have been exposed to the drama, and emotional garbage that meth addicts bring into your lives, I am sure you can understand my feelings on this.
So, when and how do I tell Jayd the truth? That her parents are the equivalent of human garbage - criminals and drug addicts that abused and neglected this adorable baby girl to the point that she was half starved and barely sitting up on her own when she came to me at the age of 11 months.
I am so protective of my baby-girl. I am terrified to let my sister (her grandma) or my other niece take her on outings because they still maintain contact with bio-mom. (Or at least did until BM got tossed in jail last week.) I cannot trust them to not sneak a visit behind my back, so I don't let her go with them.
Right now Jayd doesn't have a clue what is going on with this mess - but some day she will. She will wonder why I cling so tightly and not allow her to go places with my sister or her aunt. How do I tell her about her parents, and that her grandma is an alcoholic that endangered the life of my oldest son many years ago and that I have never trusted her with my children since then. How do I explain to her that her aunt (and grandma) enable her bio-mom and that I can't trust them to keep her away from her?
I have seriously thought of moving out of state, except my two sons (age 22 and 17) don't want to move - and I don't want to leave them behind. We are all so very close.
My husband was an addict and died as a result of it. I raised my sons alone, and at age 50 I am starting over raising a child again. This doesn't frighten me a bit - I am used to being a single parent. Still, my heart aches for my baby-girl because someday she will know that her parents chose drugs and crime over her.
I thank God every day that I have this sweet darling in my life. I am her mom. I was with her on the day she was born (by C-section) in great distress because her mother got high on meth on the way to the hospital. (Why in God's name did they let her even keep her baby?) The first time the mother went to jail she was so high she could not remember where she left Jayd. My son and I spent 2 days searching in hell holes for her until we finaly found her. I brought her home and filed a lawsuit aginst the parents, and asked CPS to substitute and offer family reunification and drug counsling services to the parents, hoping they would clean up their lives for their child. They reufsed to even try!
I always wanted a daughter. I have one now. Only at such great cost to her!
Danielle
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