| Subject: Who knew the Holidays would be this hard |
Author:
Heather
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 10:26:40 12/24/06 Sun
Who knew the Holidays were really this hard. I am enjoying myself and so are the boys. It's just hours before people show up for the party we are having here tonight. We are excited to host Christmas Eve here at our home. but I still feel this pain tugging at my heart. I can't stand it. Yes I am strong, but I don't get it and I don't know why I still have this feeling to try to understand why Spencer decides to choose drugs over us or just over his son. WHY? Bernie called me yesterday and relayed to me that Spencer was going to be dropping off gifts and he was sending his as well. He didn't believe Spencer that I gave any type of permission for him to come over so he called me to warn me I guess. Which was a good thing because my son would have to deal with it too and I rather deal with the pain and save my son the suffering. So I had to call Spencer and tell him that he is not allowed over here and no where near here. How many times does he need to reminded? He was just going to show up. Anyhow, Bernie and I talked for awhile. He is really a good man and a giver just like me and he has learned his lesson about enabling and has now put a stop to that. Spencer has to find his own place to go by a set date. Bernie says he stopped one day and noticed that he had put his life on the back burner to help everyone around him and it was happening no more. I mean he was still living his life but not really fully for himself. He will be graduating with him Master's this coming year and has plans to do more investing, etc. and has a friend coming from another state to live with him. That is when Spencer will have to leave. I am assuming this man will be Bernie's partner. I am glad he is moving on with his life too. He is a really great man and says just like I said. It is time to clean out his life and friends and only deal with people who choose to live a successful life whether that be success with their family or success with their business, success is not drugs or cheating, lieing, jail, etc.....
Anyhow, we didn't only talk about Spencer, he actually was a real quick part of our conversation and at that, it really took any guilt I was feeling away. Spencer is still doing the same things, has a new girlfriend that he has time to build a relationship with instead of bettering himself and renewing his relationship with his son. Owell, I know it ins't something that should be of concern to me, but it still nags me. My son keeps asking about his dad. I have had a referral for him to see a pyschologist, but haven't decided to take him yet. I think it's time though. All the questions he has and the answers I give him, don't seem to work for him. I hide all his dad's pictures, he wasn't here when Bernie called, so that was good, but he knows Bernie is coming and he relates his dad and Bernie together because his dad lives at Bernie's. My baby just doesn't understand. I bought the boys new bunkbed sets with a futon couch under each one and my boy says, now there is enough room for daddy to come live here. He can even sleep with you mommy and I will sleep in my own bed. So to me he is blaming himself because he wanted to sleep with me and his dad had to sleep somewhere else. Or he told me , Mommy please be nice to my daddy. Maybe he will come to live here and be a family together. I have not had a conversation or a mean one at that with his dad in front of my son in a long time. (since I noticed the harm it was doing to him) I actually haven't been mean to his dad at all in conversations. I mean why should I? It isn't going to change anything but my blood pressure.
well now I feel better because I feel like I have talked it out. I feel bad at times, but I have to keep telling myself that this is his choice to live his life this way, not my choice. That is something my little boy does not understand.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Advise welcome, comments welcome.
Thanks,
Heather
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 