Re: He sent our son a letter -- METH HELP FOR FAMILIES

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Subject: Re: He sent our son a letter

Author:
Heather

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Date Posted: 11:52:33 01/01/07 Mon
In reply to: cindy 's message, "Re: He sent our son a letter" on 07:27:49 12/31/06 Sun

Great Idea. You are right about that. He is only making amends with himself. A letter is not amends with anyone. Plus I don't believe that the letters are for his son but for me. Our son is 5 and cannot read and he signed his name to the bottom of the letter instead of "dad".
I just don't believe he is in recovery anyways. I still think it is only to manipulate Bernie to see what else he can get and to feel safe with his surroundings. He doesn't care about me or his son and that I finally realize after all these years. He doesn't contact us by phone but he is still trying with the letters. I see what you mean. I will not open anymore of them. It is just a distraction to our life. And 2007 is going to be different thatn 2006. 2006 was way better than 2005 and that is progress.
You know Cindy, I was just sitting here thinking of my whole life before today and I started thinking about people I have known and dated, hung out with and wow even more than I have remember before, 95% were meth heads and I see all of it now. How did I end up engaging in relationships with nothing but addicts? WOW. This time alone has been good for me cause now I know I will not be choosing another addict. Although this world, especially here in Los Angeles, has so many addicts. But each day brings more clarification to me. And this morning I realized "who cares about Spencer, who cares if he is hurting because he can't see us, or our son, or that he didn't spend Christmas or New Years with us. He doesn't want us. His guilt just feels 200 times worse around Holidays and special occasions, and that is the reason he tries to come around on those days. I am glad the contact has become as minimal as a letter. Now to cut off the letters and start our life 100% without him is a great New Years resolution.
I feel good about it and I don't feel sorry for him any longer. I am happy that I have come to this point where I don't want him in our life at all. I don't feel guilty anymore and it's weird cause just days ago I felt guilty. What a difference the day makes seriously.
I am lonely but I know that being alone is good for me in order to learn more about me and why I have done what I have done and what I must do now. I keep thinking , ok I am ready to be in a relationship again when in all reality I am not because I have a ways to go and when the time is right, it will happen. I look at other people's relationships, people who have settled for less than they deserve and it makes me know that I am doing the right thing for me and for my children. Being in a relationship with a man that doesn't love or respect me and the boys in the way we deserve is not where I want to be whether it is their dad or not. I want true love and a best friend because that is what I know I deserve.
Happy New Year!
Heather
PS - thanks so much for your comments and advice. More are welcome

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: He sent our son a letter	Lynn	14:47:50 01/01/07 Mon