| Subject: KIM |
Author:
Heather
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 09:28:01 05/04/06 Thu
In reply to:
Kim
's message, "Re: Heather" on 20:55:47 05/03/06 Wed
Wow Kim, you gave me the chills. I know how you feel when you say you want him to be there for your kids and that it hurts you. I too feel that pain but it was something I had to do because with me being sober and him not and him gone, I got to see the effects that it had on the kids. I seen how they acted when he was around, when he left and then when he was gone for over a month. My little one changed for the better when he was not around. My little one is 4 and to see a year old with so much anger built up inside and then to watch that anger and confusion go away after a month each time his dad was gone andhim turning back in to that loving caring little boy, I knew what I had to do.
MY little one hasn't seen his dad in a month nor have I allowed him to talk to him recently either. He knows why and he doesn't give me a problem about it. Smart man.
But my little one, wow, I love his personality and I love who he is on the inside. He is so sweet, loving, helps with whatever he an help with, he is a devoted little boy, but when his dad is around, he is angry, he wants to be alone, he is mean and stops wating to be loved. That hurts so bad.
Anyhow, yes I see that what you are doing for you and the kids is positive and tht makes me so proud of you. I know it's what I would want my husband to do for his son but he chooses not to. He chooses to lose it all. It's said really but reading what you have done to get clean for you and your children after using for so long, I know he could do it too, but instead he's busy manipulating this man he lives with in to thinking he is crippled and can't do anything so this man has been handing him everything basically and my husband just takes and takes from this nice man and still uses behind his back. I don't know at this point if he will ever get clean. Who knows though. I think woman are just different because we give birth to these babies and we suffer more inside knowing what we are doing wrong.
Kim, in your post you mentioned you want him to be clean so that he can feel your pain. What I have read in the past is that an addict does feel alot of pain and remorse so they use to cover that up each time. IS that true or do you feel each person is different? Do some have no feelings while they are using??
Also counseling is great. You will learn more that way about you and life. You missed alot and it's time to catch up. I missed alot as well but I wasn't the one using meth I was depressed over my relationship with my husband, but once I figured it all out, counseling was great for me. Reading is too. I read about co-dependency, I read the helpful tips that Been There posts, I also read alot of books like "What happy people know"
Goto Google.com and type in What happy people know and other key words about happiness and read stuff when you have a chance at least once a day cause trust me it helps, then try to apply it to your life one thing at a time. That helps too. You will get there, it just takes time and you will be so thankful that you put so much effort in to it.
Keep it up girl. You are doing 100% better than you were 13 weeks ago.
Your friend - Heather
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 