New Elements Found! -- Zuvanich

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Subject: New Elements Found!

Author:
Katy

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Date Posted: 08:20:22 12/12/05 Mon

I stole this from John Glaze's Xanga. It's a good thing as Martha would say.

NEW ELEMENTS FOUND!

The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and gasoline prices helped
to prove the existence of a new element. In early October 2005, a major
research institution announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet
known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called 'morons'
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
'peons.' Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay; but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming 'isodopes.' This
characteristic of moron promotion leads most scientists to believe that
Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as 'Critical Morass.'

When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes "Administratium' (Am) - an
element which radiates just as much energy as Gv, since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: New Elements Found!
Author: michael [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 10:48:38 12/16/05 Fri funny, but I'm not sure its accurate. My observations indicate that governmentium is a compound made up of several elements including but not limited to bureaucratium, administratium, morons, lobbium and cronium that accretes mass by depleting the surrounding peons. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: New Elements Found!

Author:
michael
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Date Posted: 11:08:25 12/16/05 Fri

This is an unrelated but amusing (i thought) quote from The Penny Arcade. Pardon the modicum of foul language but its a quote, not a paraphrase so I am compelled to leave it.

Tycho
I Have The Power
Fri, December 16 2005 - 07:58 AM
by: Tycho
As an encyclopedia, Wikipedia has some issues. As a model of how and where distributed intellect fails, it's almost shockingly comprehensive.

When we were first considering making Epic Legends Of The Hierarchs available as a publically managable satirical metanarrative, we dropped the basic timeline on Wikipedia because I liked the way their software went about things. Of course, a phalanx of pedants leapt into action almost immediately to scour - from the sacred corpus of their data - our revolting fancruft.

That's okay with me. I wasn't aware they thought they were making a real encyclopedia for big people at the time, and if I had, I'd have sought out one of the many other free solutions. I had seen the unbelievably detailed He-Man and Pok�mon entries and assumed - like any rational person would - that Pok�maniacs were largely at the rudder of the institution.

I am almost certain that - while they prune their deep mine of trivia - they believe themselves to be engaged in the unfolding of humanity's Greatest Working.

Reponses to criticism of Wikipedia go something like this: the first is usually a paean to that pure democracy which is the project's noble fundament. If I don't like it, why don't I go edit it myself? To which I reply: because I don't have time to babysit the Internet. Hardly anyone does. If they do, it isn't exactly a compliment.

Any persistent idiot can obliterate your contributions. The fact of the matter is that all sources of information are not of equal value, and I don't know how or when it became impolitic to suggest it. In opposition to the spirit of Wikipedia, I believe there is such a thing as expertise.

The second response is: the collaborative nature of the apparatus means that the right data tends to emerge, ultimately, even if there is turmoil temporarily as dichotomous viewpoints violently intersect. To which I reply: that does not inspire confidence. In fact, it makes the whole effort even more ridiculous. What you've proposed is a kind of quantum encyclopedia, where genuine data both exists and doesn't exist depending on the precise moment I rely upon your discordant fucking mob for my information.

------------------------------------

I really like the idea of a quantum encyclopedia where we can know the location of the data, or the motion of the data but never simultaneously.

I never metadata I didn't like....

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