| Subject: Fallen for a sugar boy |
Author:
Steven
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Date Posted: 18:20:48 02/22/03 Sat
In reply to:
sgboy
's message, "Ask Dr. Gene" on 18:17:02 02/22/03 Sat
Dear Dr Gene,
I've never felt so lost before, I really hope you can give me some advice.
As I've been hurt before, I'm very wary of getting myself into any relationships again. I have my own circle of gay friends, and I ensure that we remain purely platonic as I dread entering into a relationship. However, somehow I couldn't control myself when I met Marcus about 3 months ago. After our first meeting, I told myself to be careful and forced myself not to think about him as much. But to my shock, I found that I couldn't control my heart - the more I told myself not to think about Marcus, the more he came into my mind. I found myself always worrying about him, always telling him to take care and drive carefully... I guess it was his eyes, and the way he winked at me that stole my heart.
We continued to meet after our first date. However, he later revealed that he is with a "sugar daddy". I guess he could see the surprise and hurt in my eyes, as he quickly explained to me that he treats his "daddy" more as a friend, and not as a lover. He even assured me that I am his "dearest". His daddy is an established young entrepreneur and is buying him a Lexus SC430, which will arrive next month.
I know Marcus cares a lot about my feelings, and he has actually been doing a lot to minimise my hurt. But whenever he's with his 'daddy', he absolutely doesn't reply my SMS and even ignored my calls. He's afraid to let his 'daddy' know that he's in a relationship.
I really don't know what to do - Marcus will always be so caring with me when he is spending time with me. But it is really irregular - we don't even spend enough time together, cos Marcus tells me that his 'daddy' insists on meeting him every night. Sometimes the situation gets really bad - we can actually not meet or even talk to each other over the phone for A WHOLE WEEK, just because he doesn't pick up my calls, and he doesn't call back.
I could get so down that I tell myself I'm not going to hurt and torture myself like that any longer, and that things are over between me and him. But whenever he meets up with me, my heart totally melts. Every single action and word kept me from breaking away from him.
Just this afternoon I told Marcus everything that was bothering me, and he looked into my eyes and hugged me, saying that he understood that I was going through a really hard time. He explained that it was equally tough for him to juggle between me and his 'daddy'. He claimed that he really treasured me a lot. He said that he would not leave me as I really mean a lot to him. I know that too, but the thing is, Dr Gene, how am I going to continue to bear this kind of hurt and awkwardness?
I feel like just moving out of Marcu's life, so that it'll be easier for him. But I simply don't know how to tell myself to do it, because I care a lot for him. I guess love means being able to give someone up for the sake of his happiness, but I really am lost.
I hope you will reply soon, as everyday is an agony to me, knowing that I'm stuck in between.
Steven
Hello Steven,
Thank you for writing.
You have fallen for a prostitute, money-boy, or any other name you'd like to give Marcus. Not that what you have done is wrong. I just wanted to bring it to your attention. Naturally Marcus wants to keep you a secret. If his "daddy" finds out, he may cut Marcus off and there goes the Lexus and everything else.
You said, "I guess love means being able to give someone up for the sake of his happiness . . ." This is a two way street. If Marcus really cares that much about you, then material things would not mean that much to him. You would always come first.
It sounds to me as though Marcus is playing with your head and you are letting him.
Marcus did not get to be where he is by not knowing how to turn someone on and he is certainly turning you on. However, don't forget, he also knows how to turn someone off.
Your decision is exactly that - Your decision. If I felt this strongly about someone and they in turn told me the crap Marcus is telling you, I would bring the situation to a stance by saying, "It's either me or 'daddy'. You choose."
Sincerely,
Dr. Gene
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