VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:22:47 10/19/02 Sat
Author: Cactus Watcher i.s.
Subject: Watcher's Journal for "Janesville"

Jaynesville is a multilayered story about faith and symbolism. Innermost, we have the story of faith and symbolism of the mud pit workers. And outermost we have the whole story as it was portrayed on the screen. Since others have posted the desire to talk about faith within the layered story, I won’t go into that here. But, I need to address an important issue. There are a few critical lines of dialogue that are important not simply to the story, but the telling of the story as well. River tells Shepherd, “I tore these out of your symbol and they turned into paper.” Later, Inara tells Fess, “Our time together, it’s a ritual, a symbol.” This applies not just to the bible, not just to the joining of Inara and Fess, not just the faith of the miners, but it applies to the whole story as well. I think it’s clear that the author doesn’t like people tearing stories apart and looking at the details. But, unfortunately that is exactly what people like me do. Many of us at ATPo and here are interested in writing ourselves. Dissecting the writing of others, not simply admiring the themes they express is a valid way of learning about writing. So whether the author likes it or not I’m going to tear out a few pages and see what they turn into.

Canton. - It’s not as common a name for a town in the US as Springfield, but there are a lot of them. This Canton is everywhere, anywhere.

Every problem is an opportunity in disguise. - A nice line, but it’s kind of a shame to waste it in a side plot. It doesn’t quite fit with Jayne’s relations with the villagers, nor with Mal’s need to move the cargo. Sure doesn’t fit with the bosses’ problems with the workers. I’d prefer Inara to say something like, “A problem may just be an opportunity in disguise.”

Pyrex baking dish. - They make still Pyrex-style glass baking dishes in the distant future. Why not?

Beer as bread - Most people already know regular beer is fattening, adding the story about the possible use of it for nutrition is nice, especially tied with Kaylee’s remark. But, as a director’s note I think the delivery of her line edged a tad toward catty. If she’s trying to attract the guy, shouldn’t she try to be a little nicer to him? I’d rather have her deliver the line straight, and let the audience make the decision about whether it was an appropriate place for such a “history lesson.“ The Russians and probably other societies have beer substitutes made from bread fermented in water. The Russian version, kvass, is an ‘acquired taste.’

“What’s a gussied up fellow like you doing in a place like this?” - Ahem, yes. Strange that the fellow in the hey-look-at-me suit says “I advise we all just lay low for the moment.” Okay the guy is in fact a provocateur. But, why would the folks from Serenity begin to trust such an odd duck?
- Switching to my linguist's hat for the same line. People have been complaining already about the folksy dialogue on the show. I have to say this time the lack of consistency in people’s speech bothered me a lot. “Gussied up” is a phrase I can imagine Mal using as a joke. But, here he seems to be using it as if it were normal speech pattern. The phrase isn’t one from the old west. The first written citations are from the 1950’s. If I’m not mistaken the phrase was brought to public as something colorful to say by the classic western side kick of all time, Gabby Hayes, who was also given such things to say as “old-use’ter-wasses.“ Maybe it’s time for the crew of the Serenity to drop “old west” speech. The writers don’t seem to be able to handle it.

Scary hair. - Very bad. Don’t project fads of the moment (bad hair being jokingly an important issue) into the distant future.

Kaylee tries to call Mal, “captain.” consistently in this episode. I brought this up in an earlier journal entry. Someone at ME needs to decide, what the crew is going to call him or there is going to be a lot of needless pointing out of inconsistency between episodes, from folks like us.

The tea ceremony - Actually it’s a tea ceremony, not THE tea ceremony we know from Japanese culture. Doesn’t have to be an exact copy here. It is a reinforcement of the idea that many parts of the whole story are a ritual.

Inara to Fess, “Will you sit? - Anyone think he didn’t? A very nice line. We know that Inara is in charge here. But, she’s giving him ‘options,’ letting him feel less helpless in this very embarrassing moment. I think Inara’s ‘work’ life is going to be difficult to write. It would be a mistake to let her become just a sexy counselor Troy. This is a good start.

“Companions choose the people they’re to be with very carefully. “ - We’ve been told this before, but in this case you have to wonder just how much good information Inara could have gathered about Fess. Lousy parents aren’t exactly a reliable source of information about their children. It’s easy to overlook in this story. But, I think it’s something the writers have to be careful about abusing in the future.

Simon, “I would never … with her.” It may be a way to emphasize his character, but it’s a little odd that the doctor would think anyone would care if he and Kaylee slept together. Also you can understand why Kaylee would be miffed by his choice of words. But if she doesn’t like the way the Doctor acts generally, what’s attracting her to him? I don’t believe for a moment, it’s anything like desperation to have a boyfriend. So, in this case, I think the fickle Kaylee subplot fails. Stay tuned. I suspect we’ll see this kind of behavior from her again. I hope she doesn’t just turn into a nag.

With Fess the morning after. The talk is just typical ‘let’s equate male sexual experience with the female experience’ babble, but Inara’s eyes tell a whole story in themselves. A really nice subtle job of acting.

Bamboo forest. The loot is stashed in a woods, entirely of bamboo, a touch you wouldn’t see on every show.

Simon to Stitch, “Listen … sir.” Stitch blows up at being called, ‘sir.’ I have no problem with Stitch’s anger, but I have to tear one of the pages out of the ‘symbol’ here for examination. Stitch has been in a box for years. I’m not saying he’d have no strength at all. You can exercise in such conditions. But, his full body coordination would be so bad at this point that Inara or River could thrash him without much effort.

Jayne instantly recognizes Stitch. - Before Stitch even opens his mouth? At that distance, the way he looks? Lots of luck.

Kaylee to Simon - What’s so damn important about being proper? - This is a little strange. She’d never ask such a thing of Inara, would she? If she knew that Simon had nearly gotten himself killed over calling Stitch, ‘sir’ she might, indeed, say such a thing, but I’d guess in a slightly different tone of voice. This may be a direction problem rather than a writing problem, since the rest of it with her asking Simon to start defending himself seems more what a concerned friend might say. I think it would be okay for Kaylee to ask about propriety with a little more concern and less accusation, and have Simon interpret it as an accusation, nonetheless.

The final question is whether the symbol (the whole story) works despite the flaws we can pull out. I’d have to say yes.

To try to get more conversation going here, I’ll steal an idea from OnM and ask a question of the week. Some people, indeed, look at stories as ‘ritual,’ indivisible, unchallengeable except as a whole, others like me like to analyze in detail. One side says there aren’t any plot holes as long as they liked the story. The other says they liked the story despite its flaws. Which approach do you prefer and why?

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.