| Subject: I thought this was funny.. and Mike said I could repost it here. |
Author:
Kris
| [ Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 09:38:56 06/19/03 Thu
For those of you who have dogs, or don't ever want to ... This is hysterical!
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summerof 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of no discipline, I should tell you that Richie and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. LOL
Last fall we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project was downright obnoxious, it was years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of drunk friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was however assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing that electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole house that worked, wouldn't you know!
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living
room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Richie and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.
An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8 :30 pm. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me! He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than I do. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We got up at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog outside to go potty. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the floor or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence! His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. So I called the vet had to endure another round of laughter (it was my second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that Jasper was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
We were afraid to leave him by himself in the house, so Ritchie and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of town on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Ritchie and I, we set off for Thanksgiving Dinner #1.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP.
These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. LOL. But that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to toot and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in her garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long! and everyone made trips to the garage to witness our drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.
Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, I would be miserable too, but a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a
mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having discovered his "presents" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
This was another naive decision on our part!
The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally got it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darndog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner. I am happy to report that by Monday the dog was back to normal both in size and temperament. We gave him a bath and he was no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that later that week I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.
LOL
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
] |
|
Feedback: 