| Subject: Songfic: Party |
Author:
Miss Marina
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Date Posted: 21:32:00 01/15/03 Wed
This here is an un-edited fic using 'Party' by Nelly Furtado as the song. It's pretty obvious whose POV it's from. Please be honest. Thanks.
*
I’m talking to the mirror again but it’s not listening
I’m cleaning my dirty mind like a toilet but it won’t give in
*
I’m sitting here alone. None of my housemates are here. They’re all having fun. Even my best friend has abandoned me for his girlfriend. And of course he would. One could see why he rather be in her company instead of hanging out with stubborn old me.
I sigh. There’s not much to do. I’m feeling depressed. Hmm. Think I’ll throw a pity party. I’ll make sure everyone is excluded.
*
I’m drinking spirits in the hopes that I will find myself one
But all I can rectify is that the party’s just begun
*
I’m hiding in the darkest corner of my room, sipping at a glass of ginger ale and thinking over what’s wrong with me and my life. Taking another sip of my drink, I wish for a fleeting moment that I had alcohol. Then it occurred to me that if I got drunk, it would only make it painfully obvious to the rest of the ‘family’ that I spent my afternoon hosting a gala of sorrows. A scowl appears on my face and I swallow some more of my beverage.
Party’s begun.
*
Party’s just begun
Party’s just begun
Party’s just begun
Party’s just begun
I feel like falling asleep and never waking up
It’s not that my glass is empty but I need another cup
*
After ten minutes of wading through my depression, I wonder what would happen if I didn’t bother waking up tomorrow morning. Just stay asleep for eternity until my Prince Charming made his way to my bedside and woke me with a kiss.
Ha.
*
When all of the doors around me just shut one by one
I feel like falling asleep but the party’s just begun
*
A stinging memory comes to surface. I wince as I involuntarily remember when I kissed Chris.
In some ways I feel relief that he rejected me. But I also feel a dull ache, a mere echo of what I really felt that day.
It hurt. It hurt a lot. But I didn’t let him on to that. The weird thing was that I wasn’t even in love with him. It was just an impulse, a spontaneous action that I foolishly did, just to see what it felt like. I didn’t expect it to feel the pain so strong over one careless move.
Then my so-called best friend meets another girl. The jealousy is driving me mad. I wonder if I can sue him for mental anguish. I don’t even get to talk with him much anymore. He’s too busy with her. Suddenly I feel a temptation to write a note reading:
‘Dear Former Soulmate,
You probably found this note clenched in my dead hand about an hour after I died from boredom. Are you crying? No? Fine. Call the coroner’s office then, you fool.
Your Former Soulmate
P.S. Go ahead and marry Beatrice. I don’t care. Don’t even bother feeling guilty over the fact that you are the reason I am now worm food because if you had been here, I wouldn’t have gotten bored and kicked the proverbial bucket.’
*
Shaky shaky steps in the middle of the day
A fire in my path and a cool decay
Of limbs and tooth under my skin
Oh, freedom, where do I begin
I’m changing my inflection and how I say the words
Maybe it will sound like something they’ve never heard
Oh, death of the party
I picked up the chalice of malice
And drank till I was full, I drank till I was full
I was thirsty but I drank till I was full,
I drank till I, till I,till I was full
*
Now I feel angry. Why am I always rejected? Is it me, or is it them? I’m thinking it’s me.
I’m starting to doubt that I’ll ever meet The One. I’ll never meet him, because I’ll always be sitting in this corner, sobbing over the past- wait. What am I saying? I’ve already met The One. He’s just dating ANOTHER GIRL. Well, what a coincidence.
*
There’s a fever in my bones that I know so well
I keep my head low low low to avoid the swell
But it’ll be cold in hell, it’ll be cold in hell
Before they put me in that chamber
So I’m cleaning up as fast as I can
I’m cleaning up as fast as I can
*
But I have to cut my tirade short. The party has just died and it’s time to clean up. I heave a sigh, then stand up with my empty glass and exit my room on shaking legs.
I slam the glass down on the counter. Shuffling to the table, I collapse into a chair and put my head in my hands. I wonder how long it’ll be before he returns. I wonder how long it’ll be before anyone comes back.
*
Cuz you can’t unbreak what you break, you can’t unfake the very fake
You cannot fuel without a tank,
no you can’t unbreak what you break, what you break
*
I have to force myself to stay awake. Who knew sinking in depression sucks energy like a vacuum? But I have to pretend that I am not upset. I have to pretend that my heart is not broken. Just fake it and make through the rest of this day. Then I can go ahead and fall on my bed and start sleeping for eternity.
Door opens. I automatically turn my head towards the sound. And in comes him. How… predictable. I pull on my fraud of a mask.
“ Hello Beans.”
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