| Subject: Re: Songfic: Party |
Author:
xfilefan
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Date Posted: 11:07:03 01/16/03 Thu
In reply to:
Miss Marina
's message, "Songfic: Party" on 21:32:00 01/15/03 Wed
>This here is an un-edited fic using 'Party' by Nelly
>Furtado as the song. It's pretty obvious whose POV
>it's from. Please be honest. Thanks.
>
>
>*
>I’m talking to the mirror again but it’s not listening
>I’m cleaning my dirty mind like a toilet but it won’t
>give in
>*
>
>I’m sitting here alone. None of my housemates are
>here. They’re all having fun. Even my best friend has
>abandoned me for his girlfriend. And of course he
>would. One could see why he rather be in her company
>instead of hanging out with stubborn old me.
>
>I sigh. There’s not much to do. I’m feeling depressed.
>Hmm. Think I’ll throw a pity party. I’ll make sure
>everyone is excluded.
>
>*
>I’m drinking spirits in the hopes that I will find
>myself one
>But all I can rectify is that the party’s just begun
>*
>
>I’m hiding in the darkest corner of my room, sipping
>at a glass of ginger ale and thinking over what’s
>wrong with me and my life. Taking another sip of my
>drink, I wish for a fleeting moment that I had
>alcohol. Then it occurred to me that if I got drunk,
>it would only make it painfully obvious to the rest of
>the ‘family’ that I spent my afternoon hosting a gala
>of sorrows. A scowl appears on my face and I swallow
>some more of my beverage.
>
>Party’s begun.
>
>*
>Party’s just begun
>Party’s just begun
>Party’s just begun
>Party’s just begun
>
>I feel like falling asleep and never waking up
>It’s not that my glass is empty but I need another cup
>*
>
>After ten minutes of wading through my depression, I
>wonder what would happen if I didn’t bother waking up
>tomorrow morning. Just stay asleep for eternity until
>my Prince Charming made his way to my bedside and woke
>me with a kiss.
>
>Ha.
>
>*
>When all of the doors around me just shut one by one
>I feel like falling asleep but the party’s just begun
>*
>
>A stinging memory comes to surface. I wince as I
>involuntarily remember when I kissed Chris.
>
>In some ways I feel relief that he rejected me. But I
>also feel a dull ache, a mere echo of what I really
>felt that day.
>
>It hurt. It hurt a lot. But I didn’t let him on to
>that. The weird thing was that I wasn’t even in love
>with him. It was just an impulse, a spontaneous action
>that I foolishly did, just to see what it felt like. I
>didn’t expect it to feel the pain so strong over one
>careless move.
>
>Then my so-called best friend meets another girl. The
>jealousy is driving me mad. I wonder if I can sue him
>for mental anguish. I don’t even get to talk with him
>much anymore. He’s too busy with her. Suddenly I feel
>a temptation to write a note reading:
>
>‘Dear Former Soulmate,
>
>You probably found this note clenched in my dead hand
>about an hour after I died from boredom. Are you
>crying? No? Fine. Call the coroner’s office then, you
>fool.
>
>Your Former Soulmate
>
>P.S. Go ahead and marry Beatrice. I don’t care. Don’t
>even bother feeling guilty over the fact that you are
>the reason I am now worm food because if you had been
>here, I wouldn’t have gotten bored and kicked the
>proverbial bucket.’
>
>*
>Shaky shaky steps in the middle of the day
>A fire in my path and a cool decay
>Of limbs and tooth under my skin
>Oh, freedom, where do I begin
>I’m changing my inflection and how I say the words
>Maybe it will sound like something they’ve never heard
>Oh, death of the party
>I picked up the chalice of malice
>And drank till I was full, I drank till I was full
>I was thirsty but I drank till I was full,
>I drank till I, till I,till I was full
>*
>
>Now I feel angry. Why am I always rejected? Is it me,
>or is it them? I’m thinking it’s me.
>
>I’m starting to doubt that I’ll ever meet The One.
>I’ll never meet him, because I’ll always be sitting in
>this corner, sobbing over the past- wait. What am I
>saying? I’ve already met The One. He’s just dating
>ANOTHER GIRL. Well, what a coincidence.
>
>*
>There’s a fever in my bones that I know so well
>I keep my head low low low to avoid the swell
>But it’ll be cold in hell, it’ll be cold in hell
>Before they put me in that chamber
>So I’m cleaning up as fast as I can
>I’m cleaning up as fast as I can
>*
>
>But I have to cut my tirade short. The party has just
>died and it’s time to clean up. I heave a sigh, then
>stand up with my empty glass and exit my room on
>shaking legs.
>
>I slam the glass down on the counter. Shuffling to the
>table, I collapse into a chair and put my head in my
>hands. I wonder how long it’ll be before he returns. I
>wonder how long it’ll be before anyone comes back.
>
>*
>Cuz you can’t unbreak what you break, you can’t unfake
>the very fake
>You cannot fuel without a tank,
>no you can’t unbreak what you break, what you break
>*
>
>I have to force myself to stay awake. Who knew sinking
>in depression sucks energy like a vacuum? But I have
>to pretend that I am not upset. I have to pretend that
>my heart is not broken. Just fake it and make through
>the rest of this day. Then I can go ahead and fall on
>my bed and start sleeping for eternity.
>
>Door opens. I automatically turn my head towards the
>sound. And in comes him. How… predictable. I pull on
>my fraud of a mask.
>
>“ Hello Beans.”
Very cool. Its sad to read about Jax being that depressed though. But then again its better than some of the pure fluff I read. Its more real or something.
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