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[> [> [> Hello Maize and Spirit Wind, -- LivJoy, 20:46:45 11/07/02 Thu

I must say that I too have had experiences with others who have not been kind in return. A feeling of openness and safety, of finally finding people who can talk and understand some of these intriguing things, turned into one of feeling like I have to defend myself. Jealousy indeed was one big factor. Not only do I need to count to 10 when inflamed, I should really count hours rather than seconds. I prefer to dwell in love and open thinking but can find myself quickly reverting to self defensive ways when pushed a bit too far. How many little snide comments do you let pass? What about standing up for ones self? Have I mentioned yet that I have been labeled the B word in the past? I prefer to think of that energy as honesty and strength. Forgive me if I come on strong at times, but at least you know where you stand with me. Feel free to reply and lets have a rolicking conversation with depth and feeling, digging to the heart of a matter, with hugs all around at the end of it all. But fear not kind fellow post-ers, I am big on personal responsibility and not taking things personal. I do not go out looking for fights nor to irritate people nor to insult or otherwise harm anyone. I merely like to think big and speak openly. As a child, my favorite stories were ghost stories because I have always believed in them, that there is something more out there. As an adult, I love to hear stories of all kinds of experiences and am willing to share my own as well. I work very hard not to judge others, and I will stand up for myself if I feel myself being judged, which in itself is a judgement on my part and thus the contradiction. hehehe Life is great, isn't it? I feel for you, Maize, and understand exactly what you went thru on your other board. People are funny is what I always say. Take what's good and leave the rest. Take what was good from that board, including whatever lessons you learned and move on to the next fun adventure. In the meantime, let's talk and have great conversations about intriguing things. Let's stretch our understandings of the world and the Universe. Let's explore new ways to work with energy. All for the good of all. Allow yourself to heal. Take the lessons and leave the rest. Move on wiser and stronger. Hugs to you...

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[> [> [> [> Re: Hello Maize and Spirit Wind, -- Maize, 08:13:19 11/09/02 Sat

Hey Livjoy ,the way you worded your message you remind me of someone from another forum .No I've never called anyone the B word. ( Just in case ).In my 2 years of writing on forums I've name called once. I didn't use names and made a referance of someone being a weasel.The person I meant the referance toward never saw my post and someone who I still feel good about ( a little ) thought I was referring to her .She ends up writing a post and adds how I called her a weasel so everyone will know ..

Talk about planting bad seeds .And karma .So I think I learned that being negative will hurt the ones I never intended to hurt.

I refered to someone as a weasel because he was jumping from forum to forum and basically getting ignored and the brush off because his postings were on the depressed gloomy side . Basically I was the only one who directly wrote with this person . My first dealing with him was negative cause he was saying something negative toward one of my post . When he saw I was the only one willing to relate with him he started acting friendly like he and I believed in the same ways in life .

I helped him start a forum which is suppose to be political based , but I wanted to put in input to make it a forum where people open up as to who they really are , without the masks we wear in public .Than after people start coming to the forum , his tune changes .I can feel the negative from the first encounter with him come back . He doesn't need my support and in fact he never did believe like I , he had to lie about his beliefs to get people to relate with him . Once HIS forum starts taking off , he feels strong enough to bring his real person out .He's starts bonding with another forum member and I start getting ignored .When I mention this , I get the mob like feeling like it's 2 against one and It's like they are together as one and I'm the opponent . One belief of his , is his hatred toward Christians. Hatred is ugly , it don't matter if you hate Hitler , hatred is hatred . It's ugly. He knows my beliefs are partly based in the Christian religion.And I know he's taking stabs at me .

One thing about this guy is he's been an alcoholic most of his life as he is miserable. He has never discussed this on his forum but him and I were e-mailing each other when starting the forum .Which has turned from a political forum , to a spill your heart out forum .I feel that forum has taken my concepts of openess and than showed me the door .

A human that shows no loyalty to their friends or the ones that have helped them are poor in spirit and have no honor .

Well livjoy you mentioned you know what I'm going through.So either these things are real common on forums or you know me from another forum .But I had to make sure if you thought you knew what I went through I'd be more specific with what happened .

The person who owns that forum is the one I had a problem with . That didn't bother me. It was the person who I related with daily with for 4 months who I thought was a real good friend, But she seemed to be attracted to this person and either didn't see his hostility toward me or she liked him well enough that she didn't care that he was hostile toward me .I guess I felt betrayed cause I opened up to this person like I never had done before with anyone.And it appeared we were friends.

I guess the computor and it's forums are just some kind of video game to some people , where no-one actually gets hurt .It reminds me of road rage .

Well I won't bring this subject up anymore. I guess I needed to clarify my happening.

Livjoy , I waiting to see your contibutions to this forum . You sound interesting .Nice to meet ya .

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[> [> [> [> [> some thoughts -- livjoy, 07:28:16 11/18/02 Mon

The upshot that I have on forums is that they are fascinating instruments to bring together people from around the world. We have here an opportunity to play out all kinds of dramas, or not. People who are by nature trusting, get to learn about making boundaries for themselves without having to bump into these lesson-giving people again. It's all an illusion anyway, so why dwell on the drama? I figure that as long as I need to work on moving into unconditional love 24/7, that I will have plenty of opportunities to practice until one day, perhaps this very day, I will simply BE a manifestation of unconditional love with no fear or need to step off that state ever again.
As for me, I am hooked on forums of ideas, of having conversations that expand my thinking and awareness, and I am grateful that this internet web can provide this for me after all the years of wishing I had someone to talk with at this level. Now all I need to do is practice not being afraid of the judgement of others, no matter what that looks like. My opinion of your situation is that you can release it with love, knowing that you did good, even if it is not recognized by others. The law of personal responsibility states that the only person you can have any control over is your self, and so tis true for this other person. Hey, with friends like that, who needs enemies. Be grateful for the lesson and move on.
I am sure we have not met before, but no matter. All is good.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> more thoughts to this.... -- Angeleyes, 08:22:36 11/19/02 Tue

Maize, sad to hear about your bad experiences with forums. I am here to find people like you in particular, people who are not afraid to fully share. I know about the experiences Livjoy had, because I know her in person. We met on that board, and we became very good friends. Later on we also met in person. I am so very thankful for this! It was worth the trouble we had on the board. I found a good friend whom I will have for the rest of my life.

On a note: I don´t recognize your style of writing either, so I don´t think we have ever been on the same board.

Livjoy and I are looking for people who are over the superficial opinion that someone who has something interesting to share is arrogant or on an ego-trip. I don´t take things personal either, unless someone blames me directly or is offending. In that case I try to explain how I meant it, and if necessary, I simply leave. Some people don´t WANT to see the truth, so its better to go.

I too sound a little harsh sometimes. So far Livjoy was the only one who understood me.
If she is depressed and I come up with something that hits the nail, she looks at it from all aspects and either puts it aside for later use, or tries to work with it. No matter if it had hurt or not. She sees the message before she gets offended. If she feels attact, she lets me know and I apologize. I KNOW we can´t really offend each other, because we both know the other one is not here to hurt, but to present a different view to the matter.
This is a basis I would love to have with others as well. Unfortunatelly most people I know are either telling me I am arrogant, or they get personally offended, or they ignore me.
I also have people being jealous, because I too love my life, create my own happiness, and am not stuck in self-pity and negativity. Unhappy people just can´t stand it.*g*

It seems to be difficult to find people who are open enough to allow others their own point of view, and even their happiness. I like to get advice and input from others. Often enough I haven´t even thought in that direction someone else did, so his opinion was very helpful. At other times people cannot really help me to understand something, but then to type the question and thinking about can be helpful enough. It helps me to straighten the knots in my thoughts.

I hope you will get back to the old openess. I think there are people out there who will understand you the right way, who will like you as you are, reading your posts without personal judgement. At least I will do so.

Love and Light,
Angeleyes

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