Re: A little about me -- Talking Circle Alternative

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Date Posted: Mon, 01/27/03 11:01am
Author: CaseynGeneva
Subject: Re: A little about me
In reply to: earthw7 's message, "A little about me" on Thu, 01/23/03 10:22am

I was born in Spokane, Washington but my family moved to a suburb on the border of Chicago when I was 2. My parents' first child was a stillborn, 6 yrs later had my sister, then 6 yrs later had me. Dad always told me how much we'd been wanted; didn't make sense because my mother openly hated me. My sister revealed to me several months ago that my mother had been told not to have any more children after my sister, that I was a mistake -- oops, a surprise. I'm still kinda PO'd at her for telling me.

My mother had the illness I have (amyloidosis), and the onset of her symptoms came soon after I was born. Doctors didn't know about this disease back then, so I can understand now why she blamed me for everything that had gone wrong with her life.

I graduated from high school with high honors. My senior year I also attended a vocational training school and received a medical secretary certificate. My parents didn't attend my graduation because it was too hot that day(??). I was informed they wouldn't be sending me to college as they had with my sister -- their reasoning was I was too pretty(??).

I took a job as a secretary in the medical staff office at a hospital, but was soon promoted to pediatric department secretary, then education coordinator for the pediatric residency program. I had intended to go to nursing school, but the doctors talked me out of it. I met and married my first husband during this time, but he left me when I became pregnant.

I loved my job, but I needed more money and I wanted more challenge after 13 yrs raising pediatricians. I was hired as the executive assistant for the president of the Butterball Turkey Company. Talk about culture shock. All the executives were white males, with a token black, hispanic, and female executive. I quickly learned how subtle racism works. I revealed nothing about my personal life to these people, so I was privy to what was said behind closed doors.

My father developed lung cancer, so I became caregiver to my parents. My sister had moved to Austin, TX many years before. I stayed in the Chicago area because I couldn't abandon my father. I met my husband during this time, and he helped me care for my parents. My father adored him -- according to him, the sun rose and set by him (first time he'd ever liked anyone I dated).

Dad died 8/28/91 -- mom died 8 days later on 09/05. We were planning on selling the house, but I couldn't. Dad said he wanted me to live here. I hated the house, but I loved my back yard, so I bought my sister's half and now live in this dump. After 4 yrs of dating, I married my husband on 10/12/92.

I had grown to hate my job. The job itself was great, but I hated using my talents to support racist corporate executives. My husband worked there too (token hispanic), but he lost his job in '91 when my boss found out we were dating (though we worked on different floors and never even spoke to each other at work). After 5 yrs there, I quit and went back to the hospital, working for the VP of administration. A couple of yrs later the VP was laid off, then I was laid off.

For the first time in my life I was free to pursue my goals. What I loved most was helping people in need. I wanted to get a masters in social work. I had been exposed to this while working in pediatrics and being involved in the child abuse team and developmental pediatrics.

I began looking into programs. I had been feeling really lousy, but thought maybe it was because I was back in this house (that we've never been able to renovate). I thought I was becoming weak and pathetic like my mother (I never believed her story about amyloidosis - doctors always told me it was hypochondria).

I went to Lenscrafters for new glasses, but when the optometrist looked into my eyes, he jumped back in his chair and told me to see a corneal specialist right away. I tracked down my mother's eye doc (the only one I had never met). That's when my life ended and my nightmare began.

I joined an online support group for amyloidosis and helped set up a comprehensive website for patients, families, and physicians (http://www.amyloidosis.org). My dream is not completely lost -- I may not make any money at it, but I can still help people cope with this devastating illness.

My passion is human relations and the phenomena of racism, so I volunteered with the Chgo Commission on Human Relations when I was still able to get out and worked on a task force on Unity in Diversity. I still participate on a limited basis.

I became
interested in ndn issues after my sister had told me that my nephew was a grassdancer at powwows (he's now a drummer and singer) with the Order of the Arrow. This really bothered me -- didn't seem right. I attended my first ever powwow in 2001 to see what it was all about. Sure, it's a social gathering, but who couldn't see the sacred roots? I wanted to go down to TX, take my nephew by the ear, and tell him to STOP THAT!

Further, while discussing recurring dreams with some friends, I innocently revealed my own. A new age "mystic" man told me I had been a particular Indian man in a past life. I had never heard of this man before, but when I researched who he was it infuriated me that they would be throwing his name around so loosely. Since then I've been bombarded with new agers (funny, no ndns) telling me I am ignoring "the ancestors." Some of them even treat me as if I AM this person and accuse me of being in denial. This is probably why I'm so hard on wannabes.

Yikes, this is long!

Kathy

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Replies:

Re: A little about me -- OlHump (Aka OlUgly), Tue, 01/28/03 11:11pm

Re: A little about me -- earthw7, Wed, 01/29/03 10:10am

Re: A little about me -- OlHump (Aka OlUgly), Wed, 01/29/03 6:38pm