| Subject: Surprise! I got the episode early! (Episode 1 Inside) |
Author:
Neela & Bronte
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Date Posted: 12:02:54 04/06/09 Mon
Author Host/IP: adsl-75-38-78-70.dsl.bkfd14.sbcglobal.net/75.38.78.70
In reply to:
Neela & Bronte
's message, "The Neela and Bronte Parody" on 16:35:43 04/04/09 Sat
Author’s Note: Yeah, welcome to the first episode… Blahblahblah… I don’t own Redwall or its characters or anything else I might think of that I don’t own… Yaddyada… Eh, Let’s skip to the parody.
Extra note: It’s more of a story-parody now. I’m going for the original style that I use elsewhere.
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Neela, Bronte, the author, and the Helpers fell from the sky and dropped in an ungraceful heap in a woodland glade. Always quick at recovering, Neela pulled herself out of the jumble with a groan and sat on the loam, rubbing her forehead.
“Where in Martin’s name are we?” she asked, looking accusingly at the author, who had just clambered out of the heap herself and was brushing herself off.
“After The End, or ATE for short,” the author said matter-of-factly, picking a leaf out of her hair.
“Eight? Where’s that?” asked a dazed Bronte, propped up by the help of the Helpers.
“It’s the place where everything goes after ‘The End’,” the author started to explain, then realized that everyone was watching her quizzically, an eyebrow raised.
“Aw, great. I have to go into a lengthy explanation.” she sighed. “Well, gather around and sit, I guess.” She motioned for them to sit in a circle and then began:
“ATE is where every story character, movie character, or theatrical character ever created goes after the end of their book, movie, play, or whenever the writer/director/playwright, etc. decides to end it. They are all gathered here, on a world hosted by one of the more famous and adequate character groups, who moderate it.”
Almost as soon as she said this, all three of the Helpers – Lissi Riversong, Songwind, and Skystar – raised their paws.
The author glared at them, but tiredly pointed to Lissi.
“Yeah? I wasn’t quite finished, you know.”
Lissi lowered her paw. She looked a bit nervous and agitated.
“Everything ever written or put onscreen or onstage is here?!” the ottermaid squeaked.
“No, silly. Not everything. Just those that went public like books, movies in movie theaters, and public plays.”
This seemed to cheer Lissi up.
“But,” the author added as an afterthought, “Anything posted on the internet constitutes as public, too.”
Lissi frowned, and then raised her paw again.
“Yes, Lissi? The other Helpers have questions, too.”
“I’m sorry,” Lissi began “But I have another question: What if the work has been deleted, lost, or forgotten?”
“It doesn’t matter. Once it has been made public, the characters remain here.” The author answered flatly. “Next question… Eh… Skystar.”
Skystar grinned.
“Well, actually I have two questions: First, who is hosting this world? Second, do you have any scoff around here?”
“Um… Well, actually, the characters of the Redwall world are in charge of ATE, as of now. They seemed like the best to keep things balanced. Also, I don’t know where any scoff is. I’m no Mossflower Wood expert and our guide seems to be late.”
Songwind, the last creature with her paw up, looked expectantly at the author.
“I suppose you have two, burning, dire questions to ask as well.” She told Songwind, who nodded. “Well, ask away.”
Songwind bounced a little, then gave a charming squirrelmaid smile to the author, who didn’t smile back.
“Um, um… What’s your pen name? Seeing, ‘the author’ all the time is getting a bit dull. Also, why are WE here?”
The author looked a little annoyed at Songwind, but reluctantly answered the Dibbun’s questions.
“I’m not going to reveal my pen name to you. It’s a secret. But, just for now, you may call me Auth, a shorter version of Author. You are all here because I thought it would make a good start for the parody. ALSO –“Auth cut in hurriedly as everyone but Songwind raised a paw, “You are all not using Dibbun speech because I don’t want you to. End of story.”
Everybeast lowered their paws and sighed, looking bored.
No one said anything for a while.
Suddenly, Russa Nodrey jumped from a tree and landed on the ground next to Auth.
“Welcome to ATE,“ Russa said, “I’m your guide and will be showing you around and explaining more things momentarily, so up you come!”
She helped up Neela and the other maidens up, then glared at Bronte, who hadn’t moved yet.
“I said, UP!! I have a hardwood stick and I know how to use it.” she threatened.
Shooting nervous glances at Russa’s favorite weapon, Bronte got up and wandered over to Skystar.
“Do you ever get the feeling that us boyos are in the minority here?”
Russa made them all follow her down a trail, single file, as she explained more about ATE, thwacking branches and vines that threatened to close over the trail as she did so.
“Now ATE, – THWACK – has been moderated by us Redwallers, – THWACK – for the past two decades, –THWACK-THWACK – or so. It was awful the first time we went on Moderator’s Patrol. I won’t even – THWACK – mention who moderated before us because – THWACK-THWACK-THWACK – they were horrible! Stuff from the late 70’s and early 80’s EVERYWHERE! – THWACK – Cult members wielded light sabers and blasters wherever you looked… Packs of girls following Kirks…” – THWACK – She stopped and turned to look at them.
“Yes, there can be more than one of a character here. So, anyhoo, if all of THAT wasn’t enough, we kept on running into those stupid invisible spaceship thingamabobs wherever you walked! In fact, we all had to start taking a leaf out of Frankenstein’s book and began walking around with our paws outstretched to avoid injury.” Russa started walking again, leading them through the strangely peaceful wood.
– THWACK – “Of course, – THWACK – sleepwalkers started to have issues with this – THWACK-THWACK – so we had to stop the Martins from their quests for a few seasons until we got it under control.” – THWACK –
“Male warriors,” the squirrel muttered, looking furious. “They always think it’s terribly funny if some poor soul has a gas-tank shaped mark on their forehead for the rest of their life because the ‘Oh-So-Powerful’ ghost warrior couldn’t be bothered to tell the quester that there’s a spaceship in front of their face, JUST so that they could get their stupid sword or tapestry back safely. – THWACK – Oh yeah. – THWACK – They always use dreams, riddles, and sleepwalking to get their point across. – THWACK-THWACK-THWACK – I mean, would it KILL them just to – THWACK – appear in the flesh to the person and tell it as it is? Anyway, back to ATE, recently, with all the many series ending, we’ve had overloads of fanfiction and movie character copies. In fact, we’ve even had some ‘mutations’ or crossovers here. – THWACK – So, just watch out as I let you wander. Anything can happen here.”
Russa reached the end of trail and led them out onto a large pathway next to Redwall Abbey. She gave a small nod to Auth and then ran after a few sparkly-looking girls riding brooms. Bronte shrank back at the sight of them.
“Hoi! You three! Stop! You are in violation of Moderator Law #9,431! No brooms without a license! Get down and come with me! NOW!”
The Twipotters giggled and flew even higher, making rude faces at the Moderator until they all ran into one of the walls of the abbey.
“Idiots,” muttered Auth, as the little group watched Russa run to the Twipotters, who had been knocked unconscious on impact. Russa waved her hardwood stick over the Twipotters and in a flash, their sparkly skin and brooms disappeared.
“I would like to add,” commented Auth, “That I don’t own Harry Potter, Star Wars, Twilight, or Star Trek. I also want to repeat that I don’t own Redwall. Also, no one is surprised by humans in Redwall because that’s how I want it to be.”
“Who are you talking to?” asked Bronte, looking a bit puzzled.
“Good question.” Auth told him seriously. “Next question.”
Neela added, “Auth doesn’t own anything from Tamora Pierce, either, bless ‘er heart.”
“Whose heart?” Songwind cocked her head to the side, posing her arms like a dancer.
“Tammy’s of course. Auth doesn’t have a heart.”
The words were scarcely out of Neela’s mouth when she was suddenly stuck in an unflattering periwinkle clown suit and was forced to sit in an oversized high chair. Auth didn’t even blink as she surveyed her handiwork.
“Hm… Good… Good… You know,” Auth yawned. “I’d’ve thought that past experience had taught you that you can’t get away with insulting people, even for fun. Not even Bronte can entirely – He only gets away with adults if he is allowed to talk. But you’re right, of course. I’m half muse, half imagination, and half craziness. There’s no way I would be human enough to have a heart. Also,” she added with satisfaction “I enjoy dark humor far too much.”
Auth turned the embarrassed Neela back to normal, (whatever “normal” was), and then looked up at Redwall Abbey.
“Well, this episode has boringly rambled on long enough,” she stated with a look at Skystar and Lissi, (who had been ignored for a while until now and were looking at Redwall with a blank, glazed look), and then gestured widely.
"Let’s call it the end of the first episode, shall we?”
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Auth: Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it? By the way, don’t call me “Auth” in the Play Tents because of this. Use “Neela”, same as always. This is just a parody name.
Bronte: That was lame. *is suddenly surrounded by Twilight fangirls* Aaaaaaauuuuuuuuuggggghhh! *runs away*
Neela: It’ll get better, I promise. *looks expectantly at Auth*
Auth: I’m not promising.
Neela: Fine! Well, here’s some “fun stuff” to see if any reviewers got anything out of it.
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Episode Question:
Do you like the new parody style?
Auth Word:
Twipotter – (noun)- A fan of both Harry Potter and Twilight, usually in his/her teens, likes to mix the two together and often appears in internet-posted fanfics and parodies. (Note: often obsessive about fandoms; can sometimes act silly with an overdose of both, as seen here; sometimes is logical, other times not.)
Random Activity (If you’re REALLY bored):
Make other meanings of ATE. (Example: Angry Toads Eating, Authors Too Eccentric, etc.)
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