| Subject: 12-21-2002 |
Author:
Ian Line
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Date Posted: 21:52:12 12/21/02 Sat
I like days like today... "12-21-2002" twelve and twenty-one are inter changable. And there are four four's in the date today. I do funny little mathimatical things in my head with the date. 2x4=8+12+21x2002=82082, the meaning of this... I don't know. Ill cahnge it up every day and figure cool stuff out. Like the other day some how everything got to 666 no matter what I did. A few weeks ago I did the same thing with 793. I should try something with thoughs two numbers and the date I do it on. And figure a cool equasion out. I have no clue why numbers fasinate me. Oh wow I just saw something!!! 82082... 82 0 82. You know what I can do with this! 2x82=164x2002=328328. This is one digit larger then the last one so.... 82082-328328=246246. Why this is fasinating to me is a mystery to myself as well as to you. The reason for me doing it is also a mystery. When and why I started, again it's a mystery. Whaoo!!! I just saw something again! 246246... break it apart to 2 4 6 2 4 6. Do you see it? 2 and 2, 4 and 4, 6 and 6. Two numbers the same in sets of Three two numbers apart from each other. Today is a weird day. I found the square root of 246246, it's 496.23180067383831462024594730703. Okay im going to stop my senseless number boggling.
I haven't had much on my mind lately. Very few things. I've sorta been like a rag doll to people. I don't really tell them I have plans and im stuck in the car with them driving to places I don't want to go. But it was fun and interesting, but I had to be other places at the time. It doesn't bother me that much, really odd isn't it. Normally I would be complaining and really pissed. But it's not a big thing to me, at the moment. The other thing that's been on my mind, a battle between myself and myself. Part of me wants to do something the other part doesn't. Like I want to get up really early and do my school and do really good at it and the other parts wants to just give up and sleep all the time. The other thing is part of me, a large part of me, doesn't care about the things going on around me. I think it's cause i've been calicing myself to everything and saying what ever to everything and letting it go it's own way. But I don't really care so, what ever.
The other part of that is that im battling myself over hanging out with girls too much. I don't think I hang out with girls too much, but the other part of me is going "Ian your going to start liking a girl so stop hanging out with girls". But the other part of me is saying just keep going at this rate, no more no less and let it be. But the other part of me doesn't want a girl to be in my life. But the other part wants one to be but knows that right now isn't a good time. And a thrid part comes in! This part doesn't want anything to do with girls, "girls are the devil". But I don't really listen to that part of me cause he gets me into trouble. Split persons in one head. A constant arguemtn in the head about what the body should do. The fight over control of the machine, to direct it's life to a specifice direction and/or life style. The destiny unknown, the choices are many. Who is the real me? What part is the one listening and what one am I? Which guy in my head am I really? Who is the original me? Why are there three of me adn sometimes even seems like more of me arguing in my head over control and what to do? What one is producing these questions? The one who wants to go on and stay at a safe normal pace with girl or the one who wants nothing to do with girl or the one who doesn't want me to like girls? The one to where I stay stead and see what happens is what im letting control that decision. But every once in a while the other two guys team up on me. But this guy seems to pull through more often even with the other two ganging up on him. Is there a fourth me? The one who makes the finaly decision? The one who is the machine... the body? Confusion, I think im going to try to stick to my stronger decision and go on with it all as it was in the begining.
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