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Date Posted: 09:24:44 03/31/03 Mon
Author: Rafaél
Author Host/IP: webcacheB13a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.175
Subject: Re: Love Song
In reply to: Wayne Adams 's message, "Love Song" on 23:46:44 03/30/03 Sun


Interesting form you have chosen here.
I couldnt help wondering where the rest of the poem
is hidden.
You approach your lines in this piece without a shred
of originality in either content or your placing of
words in proximity of other words hence the rather cliché
tonality.

It might be an idea to use this sentiment that you
obviously started writing with, to shape the lines in
a way which is more individualised in execution.


Of course this is simply my opinion and in no way
demeaning of your work here.

regards

Rafael



>Come,
>Let us share
>In the delight of love.
>
>Share,
>With me your thoughts
>Your hopes and dreams.
>
>Stop,
>The flow of time
>So we can share in the delights of love.
>
>
>
>See,
>The future
>And what it holds for us.
>
>Savor,
>The moments of love
>And its beauty.

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Replies:

  • Re: Love Song -- AAAAGGGSSS, 19:23:51 04/05/03 Sat
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