Re: Shoes Too Tight -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:33:01 05/18/03 Sun
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB06a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.168
Subject: Re: Shoes Too Tight
In reply to: AAAAGGGSSS 's message, "Shoes Too Tight" on 09:20:23 05/17/03 Sat

Very visual Al - particularly liked

'your hair
it tossed like silk
in moon'

I think this was a wee bit too long - just in my humble opinion - I lost the thread a bit. Although I know you often like to split words and spread out - not sure it works as well here with it being a long poem.

Good to see your work again ;)

R

>Shoes Too Tight
>
>your hair
>it tossed like silk
>in moon
>
>s
>
>light
>
>and soft shadows
>that filtered
>the sun leaves
>nearby
>
>full
>that wave their
>small crevices of my
>
>soul enjoy
>
>ring
>
>move to
>find shelter in
>
>..soft green walls
>that protect
>
>from the hungry wind
>the faint distant howls
>
>small moon observes
>forest daunt
>so still
>hushed
>it quiet
>
>in
>anticipation
>of the harkened Werewolves Run
>
>it tonight
>
>as clouds move
>shelter
>hide
>it movements
>
>so deep
>they running
>
>of tribes
>of the Werewolves
>they reside by
>
>and,
>
>One by one
>they do
>
>appear they
>from trees
>so masked
>so naked
>they tribal
>
>by the
>thousands
>in run
>
>Their migration
>to lower
>to caves
>they live
>
>a decade to spring
>then the
>returns
>
>They
>eyes so sunk
>as squallored
>inside heads
>furry
>
>an allegory, untamed
>so deep -
>
>residing
>like river beds
>
>the mud
>that do dwell there
>
>A ring
>hurt
>throughout the forest
>
>soft
>and not
>to can't be tasted
>
>is
>
>hear
>
>with such gentle ears
>distinct
>vibrations
>
>an e flat
>
>to chill bones
>it
>interrogates them
>
>a notion my heart to deny
>with any
>mental
>gymnastics
>I running
>
>from inner linings
>of my weave
>so tearing
>they pull
>they stretch
>so inner
>sights
>
>from a perch
>I sit
>high chested
>with shady Elm
>and crickets
>
>about
>so leaping
>they churning
>so forbidden
>
>land I walk
>with their inch worms
>tart and
>green
>
>to eat them
>while watching
>
>the fear inside
>
>my breasts cannot help
>from being
>distinct
>in running
>
>furs
>full length
>
>tiny
>slippers

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Replies:

Re: Shoes Too Tight -- icyheart, 19:15:46 05/18/03 Sun

Re: Shoes Too Tight -- AAAAGGGSSS, 04:57:13 05/20/03 Tue

Re: Shoes Too Tight -- icyheart, 09:40:15 05/20/03 Tue
- Re: Shoes Too Tight -- Raphaela, 15:35:13 05/20/03 Tue