Re: A Sonnet -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 20:44:42 08/12/02 Mon
Author: AAAAGGGSSS
Author Host/IP: dialup-65.59.78.180.Dial1.Stamford1.Level3.net / 65.59.78.180
Subject: Re: A Sonnet
In reply to: Richard Blake 's message, "A Sonnet" on 05:26:22 08/09/02 Fri

Hi Rich

Well you certainly have written some interesting verse here, but to be straight forward there are like tons of gaps, hehe smiles. The thing I had about this poem although it was lovely and all and I'm sure you tried to make it lovely, was that it k inda, sorta lacked substanced regarding the thing of beauty itself. You had alot of of If I could do this, and If I could do that, but you never got right down to saying what you would do -

If I could write with beauty such as this:
To wield my verse into a certain mold,
And illustrate the loveliness thou holdst
With each enchanting glimpse that yields me bliss
And ev'ry spoken word formed by thy lips;

ok, now above, you can write the beauty, to can wield the verse, (to illustrate), but what xactly would you do ??

If I would wax poetic skillfully,
And somehow tell the elegance of thee,
As well as warrant fair thy fingertips--
Then, even in my pictures painted bright,

you hint at that the girl has elegance, and nice fingertips, but you seem lost in the cosmos about her, and I'm simpy can't surmise that is it, that she sends you out there.

Thy full display of charm they would not see;
For all the words and colors of this earth
Could not express the splendorous fresh light
That shines from off thy countenance to me,
Like as the sun reflects upon a firth.

I think it was really excellent in terms of the first part, but it would have been better if you had gotten down to concrete examples of the thing of beauty itself, it could have used a little more about her, Just my opinion of course, but that's how I read it, hehe smiles

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Replies:

Re: A Sonnet -- Mandarin, 17:09:46 08/19/02 Mon
- Re: A Sonnet -- AAAAGGGSSS, 20:52:41 08/19/02 Mon
- mandarin -- Avy, 21:25:44 08/25/02 Sun
Re: A Sonnet -- Richard Blake, 12:14:24 08/25/02 Sun