Re: Haiku (hey, I couldn't think of a better name) -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:59:43 08/30/02 Fri
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheM03b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.13
Subject: Re: Haiku (hey, I couldn't think of a better name)
In reply to: Richard Blake 's message, "Haiku (hey, I couldn't think of a better name)" on 18:07:07 08/27/02 Tue

I like the imagery you use in this senryu (as it is more a senryu than a haiku. The metaphor 'a puddle of sorrow' works well and I particularly liked 'reflections of a shattered glass' magifying this and making this otherwise simple senryu multi-layered and meaningful.

However, these type of poems often work best when each sentence of the appropriate amount of syllables are self-contained, even if following the theme throughout. Often the rules will state this as one of the requirements although these days there are so many variations on the form.

Raphaela

>Reflections of a
>shattered glass magnify a
>puddle of sorrow.

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Replies:

Re: Haiku (hey, I couldn't think of a better name) -- Richard Blake, 15:37:29 08/30/02 Fri
- Re: Haiku (hey, I couldn't think of a better name) -- Raphaela, 22:49:30 08/30/02 Fri
  - Re: Haiku - oops -- Raphaela, 22:59:43 08/30/02 Fri