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Date Posted: 17:35:22 07/06/02 Sat
Author: paul
Author Host/IP: spider-tq052.proxy.aol.com / 152.163.201.67
Subject: Uprooting Buddha

My mind running across road maps
like cars stretching rubber
tacking miles onto odometer
just shy of restful shut eye
playing like bored summertime children
on roadsides beneath beware traffic signs.
I find treasures beneath road weary travels
in my mind.

In some smoggy metropolis
Chinatown smelling of fish and mysticism
I ate a vegan Chinese
woman who spouted half pence
fortunes scrolled on orgasm dinner napkins
bordering somewhere between
asinine and divine.
'do good. even to a stranger.'
travel road weary back to
some nickel and dime hourly motel
room, I ate her half-Nubian half-sister.
half dreaded and jet black aura
buried sometimes in thought
and half out of gourds
a few cards short of a full deck
decked me across the mind and
flew like phoenixes out the window
wallet and pride clenched
tight between hands
and teeth clenching just small
amount of mine.
hitting road weariness rainy patches
and puddles
foot following one another.

Somewhere in Rocky Mountain
wildernesses I sat under pines like
Siddhartha under Boddhi trees
on Buddhist mountaintops in lotuses
between meditation,
I sat
under black skies like blankets
over head with stars like
nightlights shining between threads
Lost somewhere in thought
I saw city lights underneath
ants glowing in effervescence and
children swarm to answer dinner bells
I sit on my mountaintop underneath you
ride clouds like motorcars
fueled on breezes and words
fueled on ideas
just an answer to pull from
nowhere like rabbits from
top hats under big top
imagination, I saw answers live
and die like shooting stars
in my mind's eye.
Sitting in yoga positions like
deprivation chambers feeling
something heavy and nothing
and came down like Moses
televisions like golden calves,
I saw women martyred like
Jesus to feed unkept children
between well kept churches at Mass.
and scrub themselves clean of
original sin just to carry new ones.
I saw women hire themselves out
like workers to break strikes to
break themselves like waves breaking
on cliffs that dogs of armies march off of
two by two keeping cadence
in swarms like lemmings
Rifles always at the ready on
shoulders in unison
in perfect step across ocean floors
to wash up upon other shores where
there are stories I can't tell
And televisions glow like golden calves


Lost underneath flickering neon
casino billboards
an abandoned Reno nightlife
amongst dilapidated boulevard
game rooms
I found a likeness of Jesus
pissed into a urinal cake
while urinating beers into a
porcelain trough
like dogs on red fire extinguishers
and white picket fences.
A shrine found under the
hand dryer tended
by wise men bearded
in drunken laziness and shrouded
in yellowing white.
candles burned half down tallow
spitting Proverbs and Revelations
between each other and
one dollar malt liquor bargains.
speed freaked truckers
dropping quarters ringing into
tin cups placed at worn shoe feet
with saggy tit waitresses blue mascara
and heavy eyeliner, red lipstick
hanging on arms and eluding words.
exhaust pipe smog and
catch a run down
greyhound to another place
to hide.

I got caught under thumb
in unaging immortal Midwest
farm towns with rusted Model T's
on display like barber shop poles
and quartets like gospel Sundays
on Monday barstools in backwards
diners, using pomade like KY
working under rough and tumble
kindliness under cracking wheat
and under cracking whips
sweating brows and farming tans
like cattle and corn fields
stretching past my mind's eye
I got caught in half interested
romps on haystacks.
I got lost like needles somewhere
between cornbread overalls
and her talk of big cities
fairy tale bedtime rhymes whispered
in blonde ears in her
small town field dreams
of something bigger.
I got caught stuck against a wall
in barnyard square dances
and everyone known by name
like Grover's Corner playwrights.
I got buried between mice that hung tails
from cats mouths and men in broken
knuckles and dive bar politics
straw hanging from a speechless
mouth and dusty eyes
hooking a thumb in prairies
turned to fields, stuck in rusted
trucks I find myself between nowheres

I buried dusty knee deep
into wartime aftermath Manhattan
side by side by side with
sleepless firefighters crying
insomnia emotional like
devoted writers sleepless
without inspiration
filtered through glass strewn
like tornado wrecked
Midwest mirror fun houses
sifting just for one more
warm pulse,
tears after one cold hand
after another after another
after tangled mess of hair atop
an unanswering head
pervasive patriotism launched
like missiles on victims
fighting back
their thoughts of invulnerability
buried somewhere at the bottom
their thoughts of infallibility
still holding strong like
their patriotism like crusading
christian values.
Inquiring about my views,
moral rightness like
Inquisition priesthood
I feel courtrooms and wiretaps
lurking like taxes to fuel
bloodthirsty endurance for freedom
while my moves suffocate
like loosing chess matches.
I take everything but a flight
away from maddening flocks
curdling screams against aggressors
borne form victims.

I found myself seeing peyote
hallucinations and heat dancers in
oppressive desert temperatures
I sat in pueblos between
old reservation Indians smelling of
pipe smoke and pipe dreams
and week old liquor thrown in gasps
garbage thrown out like hopes
The oldest man eyeing my scalp
overwhelming ancestral glories
I passed it with close cropped hair
like peace pipes for peace offerings
and we sat in smoky heat
watching heat devils dance
teasing us with the liquor flowing
I saw breasts rise out of barren
lands and society revert to
the Depression and I sat
atop railway cars travelling between
states like countries around
campfire homelessness
telling tall tales, I sat in
on treasonous revolutions
and sat down during the
National Anthem.
then heat waves faded away
and dancers got dressed and left
with the curtain dropping with
nightfall, I saw the moon draw out
of horizons and howl with coyotes,
howling with Ginsberg I pulled
paper to etch like cave paintings
in some rustic afterglow and
transformed myself
into Geronimo likenesses
and buried myself between
cactus and sandstone.

Dropped like bad habits
inhaling thrice daily
spent condoms on loitered
public installments.
I find myself on slight
neurosis, dwindling
psychosis and pin pricks
small muffled resemblance
IV line persuasion
like ivy league diplomas
found in lunacy front living rooms
where scribbles of penmanship
drop incessantly.
I Find Myself
I find myself under
Golden Gates and Bridges
face forward
face gauntly distortion in
nicotine stain mirrors
with tan, tight muscled
Latin lovers from bar fly night
flying hold tight under liquored
passivity at my back…
door exit shining red evacuation signs
bottles strewn city blocks
warm piss scents floating ocean breezes
Lost on Haite Ashbury, my tongue
played mouth in mouth
of weed scented Lesbian tucked
into inconspicuous nightlife diatribe
of coffee and euphoria.
In gazing sadism like
Amazon one-breasted archers
lips sealing like enemies at peace
just once
her breathing slight weezing
strong taste of pussy from on her mind
and words floating with vagina
dialogues, and returning with shadows
eyes cast like stones into skipping beats
on calm waters, she turns me
reeling from depths
a fish out of water
out of line and one last word
to run from.
I swoop in and out of
seaside hamlets like seagulls
and I lose myself.

Drunken teabagged eyes
into a banjo twang Bible belt
deep South in overalls
and straw-chewing blue grass
roots like mangrove foothill
ramshackle abodes.
Sitting in far back pews
in Southern Baptist church
sermons speaking in tongues
in evangelical scandals
cruised through Atlanta streets
in German import luxuries
fueled by donations of
desperate miracles wishers
hoping for just one savior
between him and his sister.
I found a half drunk
Southern Belle hidden behind
barstools in darkness
opening vernacular to woo her
she speaks of
Nietzsche and Descartes,
a little mumbling of
Socrates and we bid farewell
to the world outside of her dorm
as she opens her mouth to utter
muffled screams between
founded philosophy
like opening her legs
to bear fruit to free drinks
opening her legs to a
Georgia Peach and her hair like
fire flaming like a passion
that kept her mind half empty
my head hits the pillow to
sleep and she holds to the
Marquis de Sade as my back opens
like tied to a whipping post
beneath tooth and nail. My head
tries to hit the pillow to sleep
and she pushes me half dressed
onto postmidnight streets
to find my own place to rest in
some other city, town and field.

Bound tightly with lack of freedom
in some suburban purgatory
anywhere in a "to scale" map of America
tract homes stretching like veins
to feed half starved half dead
citizenry.
Youth holding for just one excited
night where death holds more
rewards than parents bedroom
rigidity.
Young women lining abortion
clinic waiting rooms like
young men lining the walls of
recruiting offices
Children's voices losing their timbre
like Brazil lost it's forests
and people strut brazenly in
bovine screams on their
backs, apathetic jargon
on their minds
I saw pseudo city streets fill with
window shopping numb throngs
in and out of shadows of
street lamps
and saw back alleys fill
drowsy homelessness with
an absence of light like hope
that officially was not deducted
from paychecks like social security
that pays for bombs like
taxes that elderly hold with
arthritic hands.
In ailing health I find
dull lightness in obscure basements
and find words in rhyme and reason
flown off tongues like
birds off nesting perches
on first flights in madness
and strife, I held to images
of brown mane of waving hair
that held to my dreams in
wakefulness. I found
my home dull and worn thin,
but I found beauty like clouds
to shade me in gray and blueness
eyes .
in ear to ear smiles, I walk
on water like winds that
carry words like
bedtime stories
I held tanned warm bodies
to me like she was
mirrored images, holding
to poetic perfections like
vocabulary lassos that reeled
me in.
I got caught by Hollywood spotlights
like Broadway limelights
I got blown away by Chicago winds
only to be swept up by
San Francisco novelists, again
She reeled me in.

Settled into some drunken euphoria
I saw her at sleep's end
pulling me back from earshot
to where she glowed like pearl gates
I saw heaven in Riverside
somewhere between earthly reality
and blisters like Death Valley
in some beaten inferno
Touches like softness on
clouds she kissed like
breezes in afternoon slumber
growing dreams like fruit from words
dancing in some bliss caught
near the land's end
I found myself
I found myself on cool ocean breezes
at post midnight Thursday
netting for past memories
like small children for
butterflies
barefoot and half clad
water drifting up inch by inch
icy biting chewing bit by bit
I lost memories drowned
waves lapping higher and higher
like ocean depths swirling currents
muscles aching like words
and actions past regret
weary thoughts worn thin
left in some past
thought I drink in salty water
like fish to feed from me
shores only dots that scream
muffled calls back home
is where the heart is
beating last cries and
lost and found myself in
moments under water at ocean depths
this is suicide post-riverside.
I caught clouds and waves
caught like answers.

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